Our Life by Pamela Wire, Justin Gibson (universal ebook reader txt) 📕

Once we were all in the living room, Eldon said, "Kids, we have something to tell you."

I had a feeling I knew what this was about. The connection that I had felt since day one with Ilah was completely gone. I didn't know it then but I had a way of knowing when somebody close to me was dead or on their way there.

I tried to ignore the huge hole I felt. With the connection gone, I was feeling so much pain. Like somebody stabbed me with a knife over and over again, ripped my heart out and burned me alive. 

And just like I feared, Eldon said what I thought he was about to say. But not before my entire being went into denial. 

"The doctor had to cut the cord. She was suffering too much. Mom's gone."

"What do you mean 'gone'," I asked.

"She passed away."

"Dad, what do you mean?"

"Your mama's dead, baby girl. I'm so sorry."

I shook my head and went to look for her hoping they were playing a cruel game. But I couldn't find her anywhere. He was telling the truth, the connection I felt break was her. I went to Kristin and sat in her lap and cried.

I went with them to the funeral home a few days later to plan the funeral. But all I could do was cry whenever I saw her picture or heard her name. 

On March 26, 2006, we had the funeral. I tried not to cry but by the ned of it I was bawling so hard I could barely breathe. When we got home, I locked myself in the room. And let the sobbing continue.

Finally, I just had the realization that she was never coming back. In the time of me being in my room, I locked up the feelings I had left. I turned off every human emotion I would ever have. and forced myself to ice over and become the meanest bitch anybody would ever know. If you fucked with me, you got beat within an inch of your life. I didn't give a shit anymore. 

As far as I was concerned, I wasn't human anymore. I was a monster.

After I turned everything human off, it became easy to screw my life up. And that's exactly what I did. I began smoking cigerettes. Drinking. Smoking marijuana. And more bad shit started going down. 

My life was going down hill faster than I had ever thought possible. Bev and I began fighting alot. I beat her to the point that I almost killed her. 

At 10 years old, I had my first boyfriend. His name was Kyle Welch. He was a grade older than me but 2 years older than me. My dad didn't like Kyle at all. I decided to turn on a few of the emotions I once held. Love. Hate. Anger. Passion. These were the only emotions I held. 

We were together for awhile before he had cheated on me with Bev. What he did had hurt me more than anything else could ever had hurt me. But because of the pain I turned it all of again. 

At 12 years old, Justin Gibson came into my life. He was Beverly's boyfriend and my neighbors grandson. I fell in love with him the moment I met him. I tried not to show it. But when I was constantly tripping over myself on a daily basis, stuttering constantly, and not being able to take my eyes off of him, I have a feeling before long he figured it out.

Then Eldon sent me to live in Olathe with Shelly and her husband, Paul Vickery. 

Publication Date: 05-20-2013

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
This story is dedicated to my boyfriend, Justin, my adopted mother, Rene, and all of whom had helped me over the years. I love and miss all of you.