Love for a Deaf Rebel by Derrick King (recommended ebook reader .TXT) 📕

drove recklessly, and was fined for speeding. At thirty-four, he was promoted, and for one year, the family’s future looked bright. But at thirty-five, he killed himself and injured three of his children by racing against his wife’s car. He was thrown out of his car, which crushed him. Despite a police report exonerating her mother, Pearl became convinced her mother had deliberately caused the accident.

At sixteen, Pearl threatened her mother that she was going to get a gun and shoot her. Her mother sent her to psychiatrists, but Pearl would only see those who didn’t question her stories, so she didn’t get the help she needed.

At seventeen, Pearl was raped. She and her sister had gone to a dance. Pearl had agreed with her mother that she would go home with her sister, but when it was time to leave, she said her friend, a hearing man, was going to drive her home. The RCMP called at 5:00 a.m. to report that Pearl was in the hospital after being raped and left on the road. Her mother picked her up a few hours later. The rapist was sentenced to five years. Pearl had been raped in an acquaintance-rape, not in a gang-rape as she had told me. There had been no abduction, no other men, no surgery, and no physical scar.

Deafie friendships bored Pearl. She would meet hearies, who would be intrigued because she was vivacious and pretty, and they would make her the center of attention. But as soon as hearies accepted Pearl as an equal, she would break off their relationship. Because her hearie relationships never lasted, her mother encouraged her to socialize with deafies.

At twenty, Pearl attended St. Paul Technical Vocational Institute (TVI), where she met her first husband. She enjoyed her time there, and she matured. She was in a hearing environment that was accessible, through interpreters, and she was surrounded by hearies accustomed to seeing ASL. Pearl earned a one-year certificate as a Medical Laboratory Assistant, one of dozens of vocational certificates offered.

Nine months after she married, Pearl came to believe that her first husband was gay. She abandoned him and returned to Canada. Later, he remarried and had a son.

Her volatility increased. She would explode and rage, destroying things and threatening to harm others. She sent her mother shocking letters and messages, discovered in a box after her mother’s death, that blamed her for everything and threatened her with harm, even though her mother loved her and had supplied support whenever Pearl had needed it.

At twenty-seven, Pearl moved in with hard-of-hearing Eddy, who was decent and showed no signs of a drinking problem. A year later, she became pregnant. It appears Pearl desired Eddy’s baby for several months but then came to believe he was an alcoholic, so she aborted their child in her second trimester and left him. A late-term abortion is the most plausible origin of what she told me was her “gang-rape scar.” Whether she came to believe her fabrication is unknown.

At twenty-nine, a year before we met, Pearl suffered the most violent episode known to her family: she went berserk in her condominium and destroyed most of her furniture and possessions. She rented an apartment across the street from me, and our love story began.

At thirty-seven, three months before she called me for the last time, Pearl was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Her mother made a declaration to the Supreme Court that Pearl had become incapable of managing her affairs because of mental infirmity. She lost the legal capacity to make decisions about her treatment, finances, property, and residence, and the Court appointed a Public Guardian and Trustee to make these decisions on her behalf. Pearl began lifelong treatment, lost her job, and began living on long-term disability and government assistance. She lives in a group home for deaf people. Pearl never had children, and we had been lucky that Frank’s fraud had caused us to delay pregnancy; I hate to think what the consequences would have been if we had started a family—especially for our child.

The Resource Centre for Abused Women, and other misguided helpers like Arlette, had been a disaster for Pearl, reinforcing her delusions, “helping” her to leave the best life she would ever have, and delaying her diagnosis and treatment by two years. By then, Pearl had lost two husbands, two homes, three chances at a family, her last job, and her independence.

A few years after her diagnosis, Pearl’s brother was also diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. He is unable to maintain relationships, and he lives on the streets.

At forty-five, Pearl was spotted by my parents in McDonald’s, “looking like a burned-out shopgirl.” She turned her back on two people who had loved her and had tried so much to help her.

At fifty-five, Pearl joined a class-action lawsuit against the Alberta School for the Deaf. In her statement, she said her teachers had fondled, raped, and sodomized her in primary school. Although she had liked going to school, had done well in school, and had never previously mentioned childhood sexual abuse, Pearl now claimed, “school destroyed my life,” and because of her school, “she developed schizophrenia.” The lawsuit was denied under the Statute of Limitations.

Pearl’s family knew she was unstable, had seen psychiatrists, and had been violent, but her family decided to withhold her history from me because they could see how much we loved each other, and they wanted to give her a chance to have a family. We all shared a deep love for Pearl, and if I had been in their position, I would have given her that chance, too. The secrecy, intended to support her, gave Pearl three happy years of remission followed by three terrifying years of struggle before she was diagnosed and obliged to begin psychotherapy.

While Pearl struggled with schizophrenia, I left hobby-farming behind, pursued my career around the world, had children, and prospered. Decades later, after the fields had reverted to forests, I sold the property to Rokus’s son.

Could I have had my career with a deaf wife? Absolutely. With a wife so disabled by mental illness that she was unable to manage her own affairs, even with treatment? It would have been cruel to make her change environments, friends, languages, and doctors every few years; and it would have been impossible because many countries require clear health and police records for long-stay visas.

At the time that my relationship with Pearl was unraveling, and I was struggling to deal with the consequences, I didn’t understand that Pearl herself was unraveling. Now that I know the truth, I feel sorry Pearl suffered for most of her life, thinking that the people closest to her were out to get her.

Watching Pearl collapse was like suffering the slow death of a partner with no way to say goodbye. I cherish all our years together, no matter how painful some of them were. It was an honor to have been her husband. We packed a lifetime into those years, and I have reunited with Pearl many times in my dreams. I loved a deaf rebel. I hope she has found peace.

Epilogue

It is so great to hear from you. We always liked you and thought you were the best thing to happen to Pearl. We often wondered where you were and how you were doing. We were so encouraged when you and Pearl got together. Pearl seemed so happy with you and we had not seen that before. From what we could see, Pearl truly loved you and we were hopeful that the life you made for yourselves would be just what Pearl needed.

I remember your place on Bowen Island and how excited we were for you guys; we couldn’t wait to see everything completed. I never would have imagined Pearl living and working on Bowen Island, and I am amazed and proud of what she accomplished. Pearl was happy and funny and we had some great times before her illness took hold of her. It makes me sad that schizophrenia robbed her of what would have been a good life with you.

We struggled to decide whether or not to have a conversation with you about Pearl’s history and felt it would be disloyal to do so. We thought this was a chance for her to have a good life and the children she talked about ever since she was a little girl. We also worried, from past experience, that you would want to confirm anything we said with Pearl herself. We had no idea how bad things would get and the price you would have to pay. We are sincerely sorry.

Pearl continues to struggle with schizophrenia, but as the years have gone by the doctors have been better at prescribing her medications. There were times when she was so heavily medicated there was no “Pearl” there. She acknowledges there’s something wrong in her mind but not that her reactions or feelings are wrong, and she strongly believes she has been wronged from the time she was born. Sadly, the spark that was Pearl—the happy, joyful, funny Pearl—is gone.

Pearl’s sister, 2019

About the Author

Derrick King was born in Newfoundland in 1954, a fifth-generation Canadian with a pioneer’s gene for adventure. He earned his BASc(EE) from the University of British Columbia in 1977 and his MBA from Simon Fraser University in 1988. He left Canada because of the events described in this book and never returned there to live. He lived in the Netherlands, Japan, Australia, India, and Singapore while raising a family. He studied at INSEAD in Fontainebleau and the Center for Creative Leadership in Greensboro and was seconded to the World Bank in Poland several times. He retired to philanthropy after thirty-three years with the same bank. He lives in Southeast Asia with his wife, where he motorcycles, scuba dives, and watches the palm trees sway.

Press Reviews

The bond that grows between strangers living in two worlds is compellingly described, bringing revelations about prejudice, acceptance, handicaps, and equality. Deafness and schizophrenia are seen through intense love and personal growth that brings a “you are here” feel in a way few memoirs achieve. The role of friends and family is examined as King stands by Pearl while her mental health collapses. The book is infused with a passion that makes it a riveting adventure through life and psyche that proves hard to put down.—Midwest Book Review Bookwatch

http://donovansliteraryservices.com/june-2021-issue.html#lft

King’s powerful memoir is about the difficulty of dealing with a loved one’s mental illness and disability, and how falling in love with a deaf woman changed his life. His love for Pearl is well conveyed in concise, accessible terms that capture the challenges of falling in love with a person who sees the world in a different way. The coverage of the sexual, physical, and psychological abuse that she experienced is sobering. King’s narration strives to authentically capture his feelings in the moment. Rating: 4 out of 5.
—Clarion Reviews Forward

https://www.forewordreviews.com/reviews/love-for-a-deaf-rebel/

This candid account of the author’s marriage to a deaf person vividly details their motorcycle adventure to Guatemala and life on Bowen Island. This poignant love story is well written and becomes a platform for facts about the life of deaf people, also delving into issues such as schizophrenia, blindness, and diabetes. Those interested in the stress that disabilities can place on relationships may wish to read this. Rating: Recommended.
—The US Review of Books

www.theusreview.com/reviews-1/Love-for-a-Deaf-Rebel-by-Derrick-King.html

King’s love story and memoir opens when he is approached by Pearl, a charismatic deaf woman. Their chat, scribbled on napkins, flows easily, and friendship blossoms. He learns sign language. They move together to isolated Bowen Island, sharing a life of livestock and ferry rides, where her behavior becomes increasingly erratic. King tells this honest and emotional story in crisp, quick prose, with insights and slight suspense, respecting Pearl’s story right up to its bittersweet finish.—Publishers Weekly Booklife

booklife.com/project/love-for-a-deaf-rebel-schizophrenia-on-bowen-island-55735

Reader Comments

I have been moved in so many ways by your story. You have made me laugh, and you have made me cry. I am in awe and want you to know your story has taken me to places inside of me to remember that nothing lasts and we must cherish things as they are. The light and the dark, the good and the bad, are intertwined. Looking back at our adventures and experiences, we see the truths in our life.—J.P.

This book is powerful! It is amazing. I read the book three times, and it has been in my thoughts since my first reading. The author put his heart and soul into this book. His telling of the journey taken by Pearl and him is brilliant, heart-wrenching, and insightful. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed all the characters; I feel like I know them. I can’t even imagine the amount of work this book required. Thank you