A Voyage Of Consolation by Sara Jeannette Duncan (rm book recommendations .txt) 📕

"And How Many Words To A Page?"

"Two Hundred And Fifty--More Or Less."

"That'S Seventy-Five Thousand Words! Pretty Big Undertaking,  If You Look

At It In bulk."

"We Shall Have To Rely Upon Momma," I Remarked.

Poppa'S Expression Disparaged The Idea,  And He Began To Feel Round For

His Beard.

"If I Were You," He Said,  "I Wouldn'T Place Much Dependence On Momma.

She'Ll Be Able To Give You A Few Hints On Sunsets And A Pointer Or Two

About The Various Venuses,  Likely--She'S Had Photographs Of Several Of

Them In The House For Years--But I Expect It'S Going To Be A Question Of

Historical Fact Pretty Often,  And Momma Won'T Be In It. Not That I Want

To Choke Momma Off," He Continued,  "But She Will Necessitate A Whole

Reference Library. And In Some Parts Of Europe I Believe They Charge You

For Every Pound Of Luggage,  Including Your Lunch,  If You Don'T Happen To

Have Concealed It In Your Person."

"We'Ll Have To Pin Her Down To The Guide-Books," I Remarked.

"That Depends. I'Ve Always Understood That The Guide-Book Market Was

Largely Controlled By Mr. Murray And Mr. Baedeker. Also,  That Mr. Murray

Writes In a Vein Of Pretty Lofty Sentiment,  While Mr. Baedeker Is About

As Interesting As A Directory. Now Where The Right Emotion Is Included

At The Price I Don'T See The Use Of Momma,  But When It'S A Question Of

Baedeker We Might Turn Her On. See?"

"Poppa," I Replied With Emotion,  "You Will Both Be Invaluable. I Will

Bid You Good-Night. I Believe The Electric Light Burns All Night Long In

The Smoking-Cabin,  But That Is Not Supposed To Indicate That Gentlemen

Are Expected To Stay There Till Dawn. I See You Have Two Havanas Left.

That Will Be Quite Enough For One Evening. Good-Night,  Poppa."

All The Way Across Momma Implored Me To Become Reconciled To Arthur. In

Extreme Moments,  When It Was Very Choppy,  She Composed Telegrams On

Lines Which Were To Drive Him Wild With Contrition Without Compromising

My Dignity; And When I Suggested The Difficulty Of Tampering With The

Atlantic Cable In Mid-Ocean Without A Diving Machine,  She Wept,  Hinting

That,  If I Were A True Daughter Of Hers,  Things Would Never Have Come To

Such A Pass. My Position,  From A Filial Point Of View,  Was Most Trying.

I Could Not Deny My Responsibility For Momma'S Woes--She Never Left Her

Cabin--Yet I Was Powerless To Put An End To Them. Young Women In Novels

Have Thrown Themselves Into The Arms Of The Wrong Man Under Far Less

Parental Pressure,  But Although It Was Indeed The Hour The Man Was Not

Available. Neither,  Such Was The Irony Of Circumstances,  Would Our

Immediate Union Have Affected The Motion In The Slightest Degree. But

Although I Presented These Considerations To Momma Many Times A Day,  She

Adhered So Persistently To The Idea Of Promoting A Happy Reunion That I

Was Obliged To Keep A Very Careful Eye On The Possibility Of

Surreptitious Messages From Liverpool. Once On Dry Land,  However,  Momma

Saw Her Duty In another Light. I Might Say That She Swallowed Her

Principles With The First Meal She Really Enjoyed,  After Which She

Expressed Her Conviction That It Was Best To Let The Dead Past Bury Its

Dead,  So Long As The Obsequies Did Not Necessitate Her Immediate Return

To America.

I Was Looking Forward Immensely To Observing The Senator In London,

Remembering The Effect It Had Upon My Own Imagination,  But On Our

Arrival He Conducted Himself In a Manner Which Can Only Be Described As

Non-Committal. He Went About With His Hands In His Pockets,  Smoking

Large Cigars With An Air Of Reserved Criticism That Vastly Impressed The

Waiters,  Acquiescing In Strawberry Jam For Breakfast,  For Example,  In a

Manner Which Said That,  Although This Might Be To Him A New And Complex

Custom,  He Was Acquainted With Chicago Ones Much More Recondite. His Air

Was Superior,  But Modestly So,  And If He Said Nothing You Would Never

Suppose It Was Because He Had Nothing To Say. He Meant To Give Great

Britain A Chance Before He Pronounced Anything Distinctly Unfavourable

Even To Her Steaks,  And In The Meantime To Remember What An Up-To-Date

American Owes To His Country'S Reputation In The Hotels Of A Foreign

Town.

He Was Very Much At His Ease,  And I Saw Him Looking At A Couple Of Just

Introduced Englishmen Embarking In conversation,  As If He Wondered What

Could Possibly Be The Matter With Them. I Am Sorry That I Can'T Say As

Much For My Other Parent,  But Before Monarchical Institutions Momma

Weakened. She Had Moments Of Terrible Indecision As To How To Do Her

Hair,  And I Am Certain It Was Not A Matter Of Indifference To Her That

She Should Make A Good Impression Upon The Head Butler. Also,  She

Hesitated About Examining The Mounted Guardsman On Duty At Whitehall,

Preferring To Walk Past With A Casual Glance,  As If She Were Accustomed

To See Things Quite As Wonderful Every Day At Home,  Whereas Nothing To

Approach It Has Ever Existed In america,  Except In The Imagination Of

Mr. Barnum,  And He Is Dead. And Shopwalkers Patronised Her. I

Congratulated Myself Sometimes That I Was There To Assert Her Dignity.

I Must Be Permitted To Generalise In This Way About Our London

Experiences Because They Only Lasted A Day And A Half,  And It Is

Impossible To Get Many Particulars Into That Space. It Was Really A Pity

We Had So Little Time. Nothing Would Have Been More Interesting Than To

Bring Momma Into Contact With The Poets' Corner,  Or Introduce Poppa To

The House Of Lords,  And Watch The Effect. I Am Sure,  From What I Know Of

My Parents,  That The Effect Would Have Been Crisp. But We Decided That

Six Weeks Was Not Too Much To Give To The Continent,  Also That An

Opportunity,  Six Weeks Long,  Of Absorbing Europe Is Not Likely To Occur

Twice In The Average American Lifetime. We Stayed Over Two Or Three

Trains In London,  However,  Just Long Enough To Get In a Background,  As

It Were,  For Our Continental Experiences. The Weather Was Typical,  And

The Background,  From An Artistic Point Of View,  Was Perfect. While Not

Precisely Opaque,  You Couldn'T See Through It Anywhere.

When It Became A Question Of How We Were To Put In The Time,  It Seemed

To Momma As If She Would Rather Lie Down Than Anything.

"You And Your Father,  Dear," She Said,  "Might Drive To St. Paul'S,  When

It Stops Raining. Have A Good Look At The Dome And Try To Bring Me Back

The Sound Of The Echo. It Is Said To Be Very Weird. See That Poppa

Doesn'T Forget To Take Off His Hat In The Body Of The Church,  But He

Might Put It On In The Whispering Gallery,  Where It Is Sure To Be

Draughty. And Remember That The Funeral Coach Of The Duke Of Wellington

Is Down In The Crypt,  Darling. You Might Bring Me An Impression Of That.

I Think I'Ll Have A Cup Of Chocolate And Try To Get A Little Sleep."

"Is It," Asked Poppa,  "The Coach Which The Duke Sent To Represent Him At

The Other People'S Funerals,  Or The One In Which He Attended His Own?"

"You Can Look That Up," Momma Replied; "But My Belief Is That It Was

Presented To The Duke By A Grateful Nation After His Demise. In Which

Case He Couldn'T Possibly Have Used It More Than Once."

I Looked At Momma Reprovingly,  But,  Seeing That She Had No Suspicion Of

Being Humorous,  I Said Nothing. The Senator Pushed Out His Under Lip And

Pulled His Beard.

"I Don'T Know About St. Paul'S," He Said; "Wouldn'T Any Other

Impression Do As Well,  Momma? It Doesn'T Seem To Be Just The Weather For

Crypts,  And I Don'T Suppose The Hearse Of A Military Man Is Going To

Make The Surroundings Any More Cheerful. Now,  My Idea Is That When Time

Is Limited You'Ve Got To Let Some Things Go. I'D Let The Historical Go

Every Time. I'D Let The Instructive Go--We Can'T Drag Around An Idea Of

The British Museum,  For Instance. I'D Let Ancient Associations

Go--Unless You'Re Particularly Interested In The Parties Associated."

I Thought Of The Morning I Once Spent Picking Up Details,  Traditions,

And Remains Of Dr. Johnson In Various Parts Of The West Central

District,  And Privately Sympathised With This View,  Though I Felt

Compelled To Look Severe. Momma,  Who Was Now Lying Down,  Dissented.

What,  Then,  She Demanded,  Had We Crossed The Ocean For?

"Rather," Said She,  "Where Time Is Limited Let Us Spread Ourselves,  So

To Speak,  Over The Area Of Culture Available. This Morning,  For Example,

You,  Husband,  Might Ramble Round The Tower And Try To Picture The

Various Tragedies That Have Been Enacted There. You,  Daughter,  Might Go

And Bring Us Those Impressions From St. Paul'S,  While I Will Content

Myself With Observing The Manners Of The British Chambermaid. So Far,  I

Must Say,  I Think They Are Lovely. Thus,  Each Doing What He Can And She

Can,  We Shall Take Back With Us,  As A Family,  More Real Benefit Than We

Could Possibly Obtain If We All Derived It From The Same Source."

"No," Said Poppa Firmly. "I Take Exception To Your Theory Right There,

Augusta. Culture Is A Very Harmless Thing,  And There'S No Reason Why You

Shouldn'T Take It In,  Till Your Back Gives Out,  Every Day We'Re Here.

But I Consider That We'Ve Got The Article In Very Good Shape In Our

Little Town Over There In Illinois,  And Personally I Don'T Propose To Go

Nosing Round After It In europe. And As A Family Man I Should Hate To Be

Divided Up For Any Such Purpose."

"Oh,  If You'Re Going To Steel Yourself Against It,  My Love----"

"Now,  What Bramley Said To Me The Day Before We Sailed Was This--No,  I'M

Not Steeling Myself Against It; My Every Pore Is Open To It--Bramley

Said: 'Your Time Is Limited,  You Can'T See Everything. Very Well. See

The Unique. Keep That In Mind,' He Said; 'The Unique. And You'Ll Be

Surprised To Find How Very Little There Is In The World,  Outside

Chicago,  That Is Unique.'"

"Applying That Rule," Continued The Senator,  Strolling Up And Down,  "The

Things To See In London Are The Crystal Palace And The Albert Memorial.

Especially The Albert Memorial. That Was A Man Who Played Second Fiddle

To His Wife,  And Enjoyed It,  All His Life Long; And There He Sits In

Hyde Park To-Day,  I Understand,  Still Receiving The Respectful Homage Of

The Nation--The Only Case On Record."

"Westminster Abbey Would Be Much Better _For_ You," Said Momma.

"Don'T You Think," I Put In,  "That If Momma Is To Get Any Sleep----"

"Certainly. Now,  Another Thing That Bramley Said Was,  'Look Here,' He

Said,  'Remember The Unattainable Elsewhere--And Get It. You'Re Likely To

Be In London. Now The Unattainable Elsewhere,  For That Town,  Is

Gentlemen'S Suitings. For Style,  Price,  And Quality Of Goods The London

Tailor Leads The Known Universe. Wick,' He Said--He Was Terribly In

Earnest--'If You Have _One Hour_ In London,  Leave Your Measure!'"

"In That Case," Said Momma,  Sitting Up And Ascertaining The Condition Of

Her Hair,  "You Would Like Me To Be With You,  Love."

Now,  If Momma Doesn'T Like Poppa'S Clothes,  She Always Gives Them Away

Without Telling Him. This Would Be Thought Arbitrary In england,  And I

Have Certainly Known The Senator Suddenly Reduced To Great Destitution

Through It,  But America Is A Free Country,  And There Is No Law To Compel

Us To See Our Male Relations Unbecomingly Clad Against Our Will.

"Well,  To Tell The Truth,  Augusta," Said Poppa,  "I Would. I'D Like To

Get This Measure Through By A Unanimous Vote. It Will Save Complications

Afterwards. But Are You Sure You Wouldn'T Rather Lie Down?"

Momma Replied To The Effect That She Wouldn'T Mind His Going Anywhere

Else Alone,  But This Was Important. She Put Her Gloves On As She Spoke,

And Her Manner Expressed That She Was Equal To Any Personal Sacrifice

For The End In View.

Colonel Bramley Had Given The Senator A Sartorial Address Of