A Voyage Of Consolation by Sara Jeannette Duncan (rm book recommendations .txt) 📕

Bed. Next Day--I Always Call For My Bills Daily--What Do I Find In My

Account But '_Illumination De La Chute De La Rhin_' One Franc Apiece."

"And You Hadn'T Ordered Anything Of The Kind," Said Poppa.

"Ordered It? I Hadn'T Even Seen It! Well,  I Didn'T Lose My Temper. I

Took The Document Down To The Office And Asked To Have It Explained To

Me. The Explanation Was That It Cost The Hotel A Large Sum Of Money. I

Said I Guessed It Did,  And It Was Also Probably Expensive To Get Hot And

Cold Water Laid On,  But I Didn'T See Any Mention Of That In The Bill,

Though I Used The Hot And Cold Water,  And Didn'T Use The Illumination."

"That'S So," Said Poppa.

"Well,  Then The Fellow Said It Was Done All On My Account,  Or Words To

That Effect,  And That It Was A Beautiful Illumination And Worth Twice

The Money,  And As It Was The Rule Of The Hotel He'D Have To Trouble Me

For The Price Of It."

"Did You Oblige Him?" Asked Poppa.

"Yes,  I Did. I Hated To Awfully,  But You Never Can Tell Where The Law

Will Land You In a Foreign Country,  Especially When You Can'T Converse

With The Judge,  And I Don'T Expect Any Stranger Could Get Justice In

Schaffhausen Against An Hotel Anyway. But I Sent For My Party'S Trunks,

And We Moved--Down There To That Little Thing Like A Castle Overhanging

The Falls. It Was A Castle Once,  I Believe,  But It'S A Deception Now,

For They'Ve Turned It Into An Hotel."

"Find It Comfortable There?" Inquired The Senator.

"Well,  I'M Telling You. Pretty Comfortable. You Could Sit In The Garden

And Get As Wet As You Liked From The Spray,  And No Extra Charge; And If

You Wanted To Eat Apricots At The Same Time They Only Cost You A Franc

Apiece. So When I Saw How Moderate They Were Every Way,  I Didn'T Think

I'D Have Any Trouble About The Illumination,  Specially As I Heard That

The Three Hotels Which Compose Schaffhausen Subscribed To Run The

Electric Plant,  And I'D Already Helped One Hotel With Its Subscription."

"When Did You Move In Here?" Asked Poppa.

"I Am Coming To That. Well,  I Saw The Show That Night. I Happened To Be

On An Outside Balcony When It Came Off,  And I Couldn'T Help Seeing It. I

Wouldn'T Let Myself Out So Far As To Enjoy It,  For Fear It Might

Prejudice Me Later,  But I Certainly Looked On. You Can'T Keep Your Eyes

Shut For Three-Quarters Of An Hour For The Sake Of A Principle Valued At

A Franc A Head."

"I Expect You Had To Pay," Said Poppa.

"You'Re So Impatient. I Looked Coldly On,  And Between The Different

Coloured Acts I Made A Calculation Of The Amount The Hotel Opposite Was

Losing By Its Extortion. I Took Considerable Satisfaction In doing It.

You Can Get Excited Over A Little Thing Like That Just As Much As If It

Were The Entire Monroe Doctrine; And I Couldn'T Sleep,  Hardly,  That

Night For Thinking Of The Things I'D Say To The Hotel Clerk If The

Illumination Item Decorated The Bill Next Day. Cut Myself Shaving In The

Morning Over It--Thing I Never Do. Well,  There It Was--'_Illumination De

La Chute De La Rhin_,' Same Old French Story,  A Franc Apiece."

"I Thought,  Somehow,  From What You'Ve Been Saying,  That It _Would_ Be

There," Remarked The Senator Patiently.

"Well,  Sir,  I Tried To Control Myself,  But I Guess The Clerk Would Tell

You I Was Pretty Wild. There Wasn'T An Argument I Didn'T Use. I Threw As

Many Lights On The Situation As They Did On The Falls. I Asked Him How

It Would Be If A Person Preferred His Falls Plain? I Told Him I Paid

Him Board And Lodging For What Schaffhausen Could Show Me,  Not For What

I Could Show Schaffhausen. I Used The Words 'Pillage,' 'Outrage,' And

Other Unmistakable Terms,  And I Spoke Of Communicating The Matter To The

American Consul At Berne."

"And After That?" Inquired The Senator.

"Oh,  It Wasn'T Any Use. After That I Paid,  And Moved. Moved Right Up

Here,  This Morning. But I Thought About It A Good Deal On The Way,  And

Concluded That,  If I Wasn'T Prepared To Sample Every Hotel Within Ten

Miles Of This Cataract For The Sake Of Not Being Imposed Upon,  I'D Have

To Take Up A Different Attitude. So I Walked Up To The Manager The

Minute We Arrived,  Fierce As An Englishman--Beg Your Pardon,  Squire

Mafferton,  But The British _Have_ A Ferocious Way With Hotel Managers,

As A Rule. I Didn'T Mean Anything Personal--And Said To Him Exactly As

If It Was My Hotel,  And He Was Merely Stopping In It,  'Sir,' I Said,  'I

Understand That The Guests Of This Hotel Are Allowed To Subscribe To An

Electric Illumination Of The Falls Of The Rhine. You May Put Me Down For

Ten Francs. Now I'M Prepared,  For The First Time,  To Appreciate The

Evening'S Entertainment."

Shortly After The Recital Of Mr. Malt'S Experiences The Illumination

Began,  And We Realised What It Was To Drink Coffee In Fairyland. Poppa

Advises Me,  However,  To Attempt No Description Of The Falls Of

Schaffhausen By Any Light,  Because "There," He Says,  "You Will Come Into

Competition With Ruskin." The Senator Is Perfectly Satisfied With

Ruskin'S Description Of The Falls; He Says He Doesn'T Believe Much Could

Be Added To It. Though He Himself Was Somewhat Depressed By Them,  He

Found That He Liked Them So Much Better Than Niagara. I Heard Him Myself

Tell Five Different Alpine Climbers,  In Precise Figures,  How Much More

Water Went Over Our Own Cataract.

It Was Discovered That Evening That Mr. And Mrs. Malt,  And Emmeline,  And

Miss Callis And The Count Were Going On To Heidelberg And Down The Rhine

By Precisely The Same Train And Steamer That We Had Ourselves Selected.

Mrs. Malt Was Looking Forward To The Ruins On The Embattled Rhine With

All The Enthusiasm We Had Expended Upon Venice,  But Mr. Malt Declared

Himself So Full Of The Picturesque Already That He Didn'T Know How He

Was Going To Hold Another Castle.

We Were On Our Way From Basle To Heidelberg,  I Remember,  And

Mr. Malt Was Commenting Sarcastically Upon Swiss Resources For Naming

Towns As Exemplified In "Neuhausen." "There'S A Lot About This Country,"

Said Mr. Malt,  "That Reminds You Of The World As It Appeared About The

Time You Built It For Yourself Every Day With Blocks,  And Made It Lively

With Animals Out Of Your Noah'S Ark. I Can'T Say What It Is,  But That'S

A Sample Of It--'New Houses!' What A Baby Baa-Lamb Name For A Town! It

Would Settle The Municipality In Our Part Of The World--Any Railway

Would Make A Circuit Of Fifty Miles To Avoid It!"

Mr. Mafferton And I Had Paused In Our Conversation,  And These Remarks

Reached Us In Full. They Gave Him The Opportunity Of Bending A

Sympathetic Glance Upon Me And Saying,  "How Graphic Your Countrymen Are,

Miss Wick." Cologne Was Only Three Days Off,  But Mr. Mafferton Never

Departed From The Proprieties In His Form Of Address. He Was In That

Respect Quite The Most Docile And Respectful Person I Have Ever Found It

Necessary To Keep In Suspense.

I Said They Were Not All As Pictorial As Mr. Malt,  And Noticed That His

Eye Was Wandering. It Had Wandered To Miss Callis,  Who Was Snubbing The

Count,  And Looking Wonderfully Well. I Don'T Know Whether I Have

Mentioned That She Had Blue Eyes And Black Hair,  But Her Occupation,  Of

Course,  Would Be Becoming To Anybody.

"And For The Matter Of That Your Country-Women,  Too," Said Mr.

Mafferton. "I Am Much Gratified To Have The Opportunity Of Making The

Acquaintance Of Another Of Them In This Unexpected Way. I Find Your

Friend,  Miss Callis,  A Charming Creature."

She Wasn'T My Friend,  But The Moment Did Not Seem Opportune For Saying

So.

"I Saw You Talking A Good Deal To Her Yesterday," I Said.

Mr. Mafferton Twisted His Moustache With A Look Of Guilty Satisfaction

Which I Found Hard To Bear. "Must I Cry _Peccavi_?" He Said. "You See

You Were So--Er--Preoccupied. You Said You Would Rather Hear About The

Growth Of The Swiss Confederacy And Its Relation To The Helvetia Of The

Ancients Another Day."

"That Was Quite True," I Said Indignantly.

"I Found Miss Callis Anxious To Be Informed Without Delay," Said Mr.

Mafferton,  With A Slightly Rebuking Accent. "She Has A Very Open Mind,"

He Went On Musingly.

"Oh,  Wonderfully," I Said.

"And A Highly Retentive Memory. It Seems She Was Shown Over Our Place In

Surrey Last Summer. She Described It To Me In The Most Perfect Detail.

She Must Be Very Observant."

"She'S As Observant As Ever She Can Be," I Remarked. "I Expect She Could

Describe You In The Most Perfect Detail Too,  If She Tried." I Sweetened

This With An Exterior Smile,  But I Felt Extremely Rude Inside.

"Oh,  I Fear I Could Not Flatter Myself--But How Interesting That Would

Be! One Has Always Had A Desire To Know The Impression One Makes As A

Whole,  So To Speak,  Upon A Fresh And Unsophisticated Young Intelligence

Like That."

"Well," I Said,  "There Isn'T Any Reason Why You Shouldn'T Find Out At

Once." For The Count Had Melted Away,  And Miss Callis Was Not Nearly So

Much Occupied With Her Novel As She Appeared To Be.

Mr. Mafferton Rose,  And Again Stroked His Moustache,  With A Quizzical

Disciplinary Air.

   "Oh Woman,  In Your Hours Of Ease

   Uncertain,  Coy,  And Hard To Please!"

He Quoted. "You Are A Very Whimsical Young Lady,  But Since You Send Me

Away I Must Abandon You."

"Thanks So Much!" I Said. "I Mean--I Have Myself To Blame,  I Know," And

As Mr. Mafferton Dropped Into The Seat Opposite Miss Callis I Saw Mrs.

Portheris Regard Him Austerely,  As One For Whom It Was Possible To Make

Too Much Allowance.

In Connection With Heidelberg I Wish There Were Something Authentic To

Say About Perkeo; But Nobody Would Believe The Quantity Of Wine He Is

Supposed To Have Drunk In a Day,  Which Is The Statement Oftenest Made

About Him,  So It Is Of No Consequence That I Have Forgotten The Number

Of Bottles. He Isn'T The Patron Saint Of Heidelberg,  Because He Only

Lived About A Hundred And Fifty Years Ago,  And The First Qualification

For A Patron Saint Is Antiquity. As Poppa Says,  There May Be Elderly

Gentlemen In Heidelberg Now Whose Grandfathers Have Warned Them Against

The Personal Habits Of Perkeo From Actual Observation. Also We Know That

He Was A Court Jester,  And The Pages Of The Calendar,  For Some Reason,

Are Closed To Persons In That Walk Of Life. Judging By The Evidences Of

His Popularity That Survive On All Sides,  Mr. Malt Declared That He Was

Probably Worth More To The Town In attracting Residents And Investors

Than Half-A-Dozen Patron Saints,  And In This There May Have Been More

Truth Than Reverence. The Elector Charles Philip,  Whose Court He Jested

For,  Certainly Made No Such Mark Upon His Town And Time As Perkeo Did,

And In That,  Perhaps,  There Is A Moral For Sovereigns,  Although The

Senator Advises Me Not To Dwell Upon It. At All Events,  One Writes Of

Heidelberg But One Thinks Of Perkeo,  As He Swings From The Sign-Boards

Of The Haupt-Strasse,  And Stands On The Lids Of The Beer Mugs,  And

Smiles From The Extra-Mural Decoration Of The Wine Shops,  And Lifts His

Glass,  In eternally Good Wooden Fellowship,  Beside The Big Tun In The

Castle Cellar. There Is A Hotel Perkeo,  There Must Be Clubs Perkeo,

Probably A Suburb And Steamboats Of The Same Name,  And The Local Oath

"Per Perkeo!" Has A Harmless Sound,  But Nothing Could Be More Binding

In Heidelberg. Momma Thought His Example A Very Unfortunate One For A

University Town,  But The Rest Of Us Were Inclined To Admire Perkeo As A

Self-Made Man And A Success. As Dicky Protested He Had Made The Fullest

Use Of The Capacities Nature Had Given Him,  It Was Evident From His

Figure That He