Mending Molly by Caitlin Colbert (find a book to read txt) π
Excerpt from the book:
Molly Evans is a sixteen year old girl, not only starving herself of food but of the will to love, and carry on. She feels as if everything she's cared for all her life is being taken from her, and in defeat she lays on the tracks of life and vows to quit. Until she is reminded of her brother's will to love and forgive and move on in the midst of loss and confusion. She is reminded that giving up is giving in and she's not ready to let go yet.
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- Author: Caitlin Colbert
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just, I couldn't save him. I deserved everything I was feeling and then some. I didn't deserve to be happy. As I looked up, Jeremy's eyes held not only sadness but anger. "Talk to me" I reached for his hand, but instead of taking it. He shoved it into the wall. I cringed.
"Why?" He ran his hands through his hair, pulling it and scratching throughout his head. "Why did it have to be him? Why does it have to be you?!" His voice was shaken and rising "Why not me? Why does it happen to the two people who least deserve to be in pain?!"
"We're all in pain Jeremy" I whispered reaching for his hand again, I grazed it lightly as he pulled away.
"But you two just fade away. One of you is gone, and you, you're just getting closer! Why does this happen. TELL ME! IF THERE IS A GOD WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?! WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?!" He seemed to be pleading for the answers that I didn't have. I don't know why Steven and I were given the cards we were. Steven chose to play his, granted he lost his game, he played a damn good one. "He was so talented, he really could have been somebody"
"In my eyes he was somebody" I interjected "In my eyes he was a hero, and a brave one at that. He had such courage and faced the sickness with a brave face and a light sense of humor. In my eyes he was a gifted piano player, a goofball, and my best friend. In my eyes he was my hero"
"Molly, I didn't even get to say goodbye" He whispered "I didn't get to tell him that I thought he was one hell of a kid. I didn't get to tell him that he was amazing and that no matter how I acted when we were younger I always admired his will to live. He lived with a smile, despite how much pain we all knew he was in. Why can't I be like that?" I, again, had no answer for him. He slid down the wall and pounded his head into it. Beating it like a drum. The guilt that laced his eyes in pain, was hurtful to watch.
I walked through the kitchen and to the back yard. Tears staining my shirt, I collapsed into the snow. The blood from my cutting staining the white, a powerful red. My mind racing. What was left? I had almost nothing now. Jeremy was leaving in a month, Bryan would be headed off to college and my parents were no doubt getting a divorce. Over the years the things with Steven and I had begun to drive them apart. I would be alone. I found myself looking up into the cloudy night sky, talking, as if I was speaking to an old friend.
"I remember when I was six, Jeremy was eight and too busy to play with Steven and me. I threw the biggest fit and broke Jeremy's favorite army toy, and to make ammends for me, Steven gave him his favorite army toy. Steven was always like that. Giving other people his favorite things, because they had lost their own. As we grew up, he would write songs. Amazing and beautiful songs. He wrote me one once. I hum it from time to time, and to this day remember every word. I loved when he sang it to me. It made me feel special" The tears were still falling, and I felt stupid for talking to no one. Funny thing is, I couldn't stop. It was as if I needed to keep talking to stop myself from feeling alone. "Molly says it's never worth it, but she'll never know I think she's perfect. Molly's smile is like the sun, and I love it when she laughs, it always takes me back" I hummed the song to myself as the snow began to fall, coating my hair a bit. It was freezing but I felt nothing. I've been forced into a numbness so real, and so painful, that all I needed was one last reason. One last reasong to end all of my misery.
I fell asleep on the porch, and awoke deep within the night. I know there are people worse off than I am, but I wonder if they're dealing with it the way I am. I wonder if i'll ever be able to mend. And mend properly. Imprint
"Why?" He ran his hands through his hair, pulling it and scratching throughout his head. "Why did it have to be him? Why does it have to be you?!" His voice was shaken and rising "Why not me? Why does it happen to the two people who least deserve to be in pain?!"
"We're all in pain Jeremy" I whispered reaching for his hand again, I grazed it lightly as he pulled away.
"But you two just fade away. One of you is gone, and you, you're just getting closer! Why does this happen. TELL ME! IF THERE IS A GOD WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?! WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?!" He seemed to be pleading for the answers that I didn't have. I don't know why Steven and I were given the cards we were. Steven chose to play his, granted he lost his game, he played a damn good one. "He was so talented, he really could have been somebody"
"In my eyes he was somebody" I interjected "In my eyes he was a hero, and a brave one at that. He had such courage and faced the sickness with a brave face and a light sense of humor. In my eyes he was a gifted piano player, a goofball, and my best friend. In my eyes he was my hero"
"Molly, I didn't even get to say goodbye" He whispered "I didn't get to tell him that I thought he was one hell of a kid. I didn't get to tell him that he was amazing and that no matter how I acted when we were younger I always admired his will to live. He lived with a smile, despite how much pain we all knew he was in. Why can't I be like that?" I, again, had no answer for him. He slid down the wall and pounded his head into it. Beating it like a drum. The guilt that laced his eyes in pain, was hurtful to watch.
I walked through the kitchen and to the back yard. Tears staining my shirt, I collapsed into the snow. The blood from my cutting staining the white, a powerful red. My mind racing. What was left? I had almost nothing now. Jeremy was leaving in a month, Bryan would be headed off to college and my parents were no doubt getting a divorce. Over the years the things with Steven and I had begun to drive them apart. I would be alone. I found myself looking up into the cloudy night sky, talking, as if I was speaking to an old friend.
"I remember when I was six, Jeremy was eight and too busy to play with Steven and me. I threw the biggest fit and broke Jeremy's favorite army toy, and to make ammends for me, Steven gave him his favorite army toy. Steven was always like that. Giving other people his favorite things, because they had lost their own. As we grew up, he would write songs. Amazing and beautiful songs. He wrote me one once. I hum it from time to time, and to this day remember every word. I loved when he sang it to me. It made me feel special" The tears were still falling, and I felt stupid for talking to no one. Funny thing is, I couldn't stop. It was as if I needed to keep talking to stop myself from feeling alone. "Molly says it's never worth it, but she'll never know I think she's perfect. Molly's smile is like the sun, and I love it when she laughs, it always takes me back" I hummed the song to myself as the snow began to fall, coating my hair a bit. It was freezing but I felt nothing. I've been forced into a numbness so real, and so painful, that all I needed was one last reason. One last reasong to end all of my misery.
I fell asleep on the porch, and awoke deep within the night. I know there are people worse off than I am, but I wonder if they're dealing with it the way I am. I wonder if i'll ever be able to mend. And mend properly. Imprint
Publication Date: 04-25-2011
All Rights Reserved
Dedication:
To all of those who've found themselves in the midst of a great loss. The ones you love will always watch you grow. "Hang in there sunshine, the rain will stop"
Free e-book: Β«Mending Molly by Caitlin Colbert (find a book to read txt) πΒ» - read online now on website american library books (americanlibrarybooks.com)
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