Stephen Archer and Other Tales by George MacDonald (most popular ebook readers txt) 📕

/> Jim . She told him to divide it, and he won't.

Bill . Who told him?

Jim . Mattie.

Bill . You dare, Jack? Hand over.

Jack . Be hanged if I do.

Bill . Then do and be hanged. ( A struggle .) There, Jim! Now you go and buy what you like.

Jim . Am I to give Jack the half?

Bill . Yes, if our Mattie said it.

Jim . All right, Bill. ( Goes into the shop .)

Jack . I owe you one for that, Bill.

Bill . Owe it me then, Jack. I do like fair play-always did ( eating ).

Jack . You ain't a sharin' of your yennep, Bill.

Bill . Mattie didn't say I was to. She knowed one wouldn't break up into three nohow. 'Tain't in natur', Jack.

Jack . You might ha' guv me a bite, anyhow, Bill.

Bill . It ain't desirable, Jack-size o' trap dooly considered. Here comes your share.

Re-enter JIM. Gives a bun to JACK.

Jim . I tell you what, Bill-she ain't your Mattie. She ain't nobody's Mattie; she's a hangel.

Bill . No, Jim, she ain't a hangel; she 'ain't got no wings, leastways outside her clo'es, and she 'ain't got clo'es enough to hide 'em. I wish I wos a hangel!

Jack . At it again, Bill! I do like to hear Bill a wishin' of hisself! Why, Bill?

Bill . Acause they're never 'ungry.

Jack . How do you know they ain't?

Bill . You never sees 'em loafin' about nowheres.

Jim . Is Mattie your sister, Bill?

Bill . No, Jim; I ain't good 'nough to have a sister like she.

Jack . Your sweetheart, Bill? Ha! ha! ha!

Bill . Dry up, Jack.

Jim . Tell me about her, Bill. I didn't jaw you.

Bill . She lives in our court, Jim. Makes shirts and things.

Jack . Oh! ho!

BILL hits JACK. JACK doubles himself up .

Bill . Jim, our Mattie ain't like other gals; I never see her out afore this blessed day-upon my word and honour, Jim, never!

Jack . ( wiping his nose with his sleeve ). You don't know a joke from a jemmy, Bill.

Bill . I'll joke you!-A hangel tips you a tart, and you plucks her feathers! Get on t'other side of the way, you little dirty devil, or I'll give you another smeller-cheap too. Off with you!

Jack . No, Bill; no, please. I'm wery sorry. I ain't so bad's all that conies to.

Bill . If you wants to go with Jim and me, then behave like a gen'leman.

Jim . I calls our Mattie a brick!

Bill . None o' your jaw, Jim! She ain't your Mattie.

Enter THOMAS.

Tho. Childer, dun yo know th' way to Paradise-Row, or Road, or summat?

Bill . Dunnow, sir. You axes at the Sunday-school.

Tho. Wheer's th' Sunday-school, chylt?

Bill . Second door round the corner, sir.

Tho. Second dur reawnd th' corner! Which corner, my man?

Bill . Round any corner. Second door's all-ways Sunday-school. ( Takes a sight. Exeunt boys .)

THOMAS sits down on a door-step .

Tho. Eh, but aw be main weary! Surely th' Lord dunnot be a forsakin' ov mo. There's that abeawt th' lost ship. Oop yon, wheer th' angels keep greight flocks ov 'em, they dunnot like to lose one ov 'em, an' they met well be helpin' ov mo to look for mo lost lamb i' this awful plaze! What has th' shepherd o' th' sheep himsel' to do, God bless him! but go look for th' lost ones and carry 'em whoam! O Lord! gie mo mo Mattie. Aw'm a silly ship mosel, a sarchin' for mo lost lamb. ( Boys begin to gather and stare .) She's o' the world to me. O Lord, hear mo, and gie mo mo Mattie. Nea, aw'll geet oop, and go look again. ( Rises .)

First Boy . Ain't he a cricket, Tommy?

Second Boy . Spry, ain't he? Prod him, and see him jump. ( General insult .)

Tho. Why, childer, what have aw done, that yo cry after mo like a thief?

First Boy . Daddy Longlegs! Daddy Longlegs!

They hustle and crowd him. Re-enter BILL. THOMAS makes a rush.
They run. He seizes BILL. They gather again .

Tho. Han yo getten a mother, lad?

Bill . No, thank ye. 'Ain't got no mother. Come of a haunt, I do.

First Boy . Game!-ain't he?

Tho. Well, aw'll tak yo whoam to yor aunt-aw wull.

Bill . Will you now, old chap? Wery well. ( Squats .)

Tho. ( holding him up by the collar, and shaking his stick over him ). Tell mo wheer's por aunt, or aw'll breyk every bone i' yor body.

Bill ( wriggling and howling and rubbing his eyes with alternate sleeves ). Let me go, I say. Let me go and I'll tell ye. I will indeed, sir.

Tho. ( letting go ) Wheer then, mo lad?

Bill ( starting up ). I' the church-cellar, sir-first bin over the left-feeds musty, and smells strong. Ho! ho! ho! ( Takes a sight .)

THOMAS makes a dart . BILL dodges him .

First Boy . Ain't he a cricket now , Tommy?

Second Boy . Got one leg too many for a cricket, Sam.

Third Boy . That's what he jerks hisself with, Tommy.

Tho. Boys, I want to be freens wi' yo. Here's a penny.

One of the boys knocks it out of his hand. A scramble .

Tho. Now, boys, dun yo know wheer's a young woman bi th' name ov Mattie-somewheer abeawt Paradise Row?

First Boy . Yes, old un.

Second Boy . Lots on 'em.

Third Boy . Which on em' do you want, Mr. Cricket?

Fourth Boy . You ain't peticlar, I s'pose, old corner-bones?

First Boy . Don't you fret, old stilts. We'll find you a Mattie. There's plenty on 'em-all nice gals.

Tho. I want mo own Mattie.

First Boy . Why, you'd never tell one from t'other on 'em!

Third Boy . All on 'em wery glad to see old Daddy Longlegs!

Tho. Oh dear! Oh dear! What an awful plaze this Lon'on do be! To see the childer so bad!

Second Boy . Don't cry, gran'pa. She' d chaff you worser 'n us! We're only poor little innocent boys. We don't know nothink, bless you! Oh no!

First Boy . You'd better let her alone, arter all, bag o' nails.

Second Boy . She'll have it out on you now, for woppin' of her when she wor a kid.

First Boy . She's a wopper herself now.

Third Boy . Mighty fine, with your shirt for a great-coat. He! he! he!

Fourth Boy . Mattie never kicks us poor innocent boys-cos we 'ain't got no mothers to take our parts. Boo hoo!

Enter JACK- his hands in his pockets .

Jack . What's the row, Bill?

Bill . Dunnow, Jack. Old chap collared me when I wasn't alludin' to him. He's after some Mattie or other. It can't be our Mattie. She wouldn't never have such a blazin' old parient as that.

Jack . Supposin' it was your Mattie, Bill, would you split, and let Scull-and-cross-bones nab her?

Bill . Would I? Would I 'and over our Mattie to her natural enemy? Did you ax it, Jack?

Jack . Natural enemy! My eye, Bill! what words you fakes!

Bill . Ain't he her natural enemy, then? Ain't it yer father as bumps yer 'ed, an' cusses ye, an' lets ye see him eat? Afore he gets our Mattie, I'll bite!

Tho. Poor lad! poor lad! Dunnot say that! Her feyther's th' best freen' hoo's getten. Th' moor's th' pity, for it's not mich he can do for her. But he would dee for her-he would.

Boys (all together) . Go along, Daddy-devil! Pick yer own bones, an' ha' done.

Bag-raker! Skin-cat! Bag o' nails! Scull-an'-cross-bones!

Old Daddy Longlegs wouldn't say his prayers- Take him by his left leg, and throw him downstairs.

Go along! Go to hell!
We 'll skin you. Melt ye down for taller, we will. Only he 'ain't got none, the red herrin'!

They throw things at him. He sits down on the door-step, and covers
his head with his arms. Enter COL. G. Boys run off .

Tho. Oh, mo Mattie! mo Mattie!

Col. G. Poor old fellow! Are you hurt?

Tho. Eh! yo be a followin' ov mo too!

Col. G. What are you doing here?

Tho. What am aw doin' yere! Thee knows well enough what aw're a doin' yere. It 're o' thy fau't, mon.

Col. G. Why, you've got a blow! Your head is cut! Poor old fellow!

Tho. Never yo mind mo yed.

Col. G. You must go home.

Tho. Goo whoam, says to! Aw goo no-wheers but to th' grave afoor aw've feawnd mo chylt.

Col. G. Come along with me; I will do all I can to find her. Perhaps I can help you after all.

Tho. Aw mak nea deawbt o' that, mon. And thae seems a gradely chap. Aw'm a'most spent. An' aw'm sick, sick! Dunnot let th' boys shove mo abeawt again.

Col. G. I will not. They shan't come near you. Take my arm. Poor old fellow! If you would but trust me! Hey! Cab there!

Exeunt .

Enter SUSAN, peeping .

Sus . I wonder whatever's come to Mattie! It's long time she was out again.

Enter MATTIE, hurriedly .

Mat . Oh, Susan! Susan! ( Falls .)

Sus . Mattie! Mattie! ( Kneels beside her, and undoes her bonnet .)

Enter POLICEMAN.

Pol . What ails her? ( Goes to lift her .)

Sus . Leave her alone, will you? Let her head down. Get