The Double Windowing by Charles Dufresny (top 100 novels txt) 📕

If she hadn't died, I would kill her.

Tuneless Therefore, cry no more. Recollect the tenderness you have for Arabella--remember you told me of it? In confidence, of course. If you still love that little Arabella, I warn you, the Countess intends to marry her today.

Bramble Today!

Tuneless >From friendship, that's what I wish you to prevent. But, before going into that, it's essential that you avoid the Countess until we have taken certain measures with Arabella. But, hide yourself quickly in these apartments while I go to Arabella.

Bramble You upset me.

Tuneless Go in, quickly. (pushing him out) Because I will lead Arabella to you instantly.

(Exit Bramble.)

Tuneless My idea is good; he's fallen into the trap. A weak little genius wrapped up in his business affairs--and stupid in everything else. One sees many like that. Now to prevent-- But, if someone should undeceive him-- (going, then stopping) Still, I have to go. (returning) Better stay. How to begin--

(Enter Mr. MacPherson and Mrs. MacPherson.)

Mrs. MacPherson Ah, sir. Mr. Bramble is returned. What a misfortune!

MacPherson He came post haste. That's the trouble.

Mrs. MacPherson There's the trouble.

MacPherson If his wife sees him, she'll know he's not dead.

Mrs. MacPherson No more marriage.

MacPherson No partying--no wedding.

Mrs. MacPherson No drinking.

MacPherson Nothing.

Tuneless Listen to me--if you what to celebrate, we must make him believe his wife is dead.

MacPherson Ho, ho, ho--both dead.

Mrs. MacPherson And both widows.

Tuneless If he asks you--say no more than "She is dead."-- But when? But how? But why?

MacPherson She is dead.

Tuneless Very good. But that's not the only thing. We must prevent these two from meeting, and to do that you may have to counterfeit drunkenness.

Mrs. MacPherson I'll take care of that. We will drink despite him.

Tuneless Yes. Watch him for me until I come back.

(Exit Tuneless.)

MacPherson We have to say "Your wife is dead, and we're drinking our sorrows."

Mrs. MacPherson Maybe he can hear us. Sing something about his dead wife.

MacPherson That's a fine idea. A fine idea, Hem, la, la, la. My wife is dead, my wife is dead, And my heart, it feels like lead--Ooh!

(Enter Bramble.)

Bramble What's this? Do you rejoice in my sorrow?

MacPherson Your wife is dead and we're drinking.

Mrs. MacPherson And we are drinking.

Bramble These rogues are drunk. (trying to leave)

MacPherson (stopping him) Drink away your sorrows. It's the only way.

Bramble (trying to pass) What's all this?

Mr. and Mrs. MacPherson Console yourself. Sit down in this chair.

Bramble (forced to sit) The devil!

Mrs. MacPherson You wife has left us. It's sad. We must drink until she returns.

MacPherson If my wife dies, I will get drunk for her epitaph.

Bramble I'm getting nothing from these drunks. I'd better wait till Tuneless returns.

Mrs. MacPherson While we're waiting for Tuneless, we'll sing you a little song to chase your sorrows away.

Bramble Death.

Mr. and Mrs. MacPherson Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to the funeral we'll go, heigh ho, heigh ho--

(Enter Tuneless and Arabella.)

Tuneless Silence. Get out. There Miss, come on in.

(Exit Mr. and Mrs. MacPherson.)

Arabella Here he is. I'm going to play my part wonderfully.

Bramble Ah--they're gone. Let's join Tuneless.

Arabella I come to ask your bounty, sir. I am desolate.

Bramble Console yourself, my dear child. I will prevent the Countess from marrying you.

Arabella She wants to marry me to a man with no money at all. That's what distresses me.

Tuneless No money at all. Sir, you know she has nothing. And, when one marries without money--it makes for a lot of sad children. The Countess said this fellow had a fortune.

Arabella I don't believe in fortunes, except when I see them already in existence.

Tuneless She said he is young.

Arabella Then, he will be unfaithful.

Tuneless The older a man is, the more likely you'll love him for the rest of his life.

Arabella I always wanted a husband with a settled disposition.

Tuneless Who has been previously married.

Arabella Who always indulges his wife in a thousand ways.

Tuneless Like you, for example.

Arabella Unfortunately, I will never be as happy as my aunt was.

Bramble I like the prudence, the wisdom, and the good taste of this tasty little person.

Arabella It's my natural taste, you know, sir. I am incapable of loving a young man. But, I am capable of a real affection for those who treat me right.

Bramble Noble sentiments, noble sentiments. I am so charmed, so delighted, that I am going to see the Countess right now. Ah, there she is in the gallery. I am going to speak to her this moment.

(Exit Bramble.)

Arabella It's not going badly. But, if my aunt should come in--

Tuneless Fear nothing. These two departed will not meet so soon. For Desmond is keeping the widow in the garden, and we are keeping the husband here. The Countess is in on the plot, and is going to keep him in his apartment, one way or another.

Arabella Hurry then, to do on our side as well as Desmond has done on his.

Tuneless You must make your contribution by making the old widower in love, while Desmond does the same with the widow.

(Enter Steward, Countess, Lucy.)

Countess Love doesn't hide itself, sir, and you have accosted me in a manner that convinces me you have a great deal for Arabella.

Bramble Not at all, Madame, but with respect--

Countess I have only one word to say to you about the matter. If you don't want me to marry off Arabella, and to keep her to console you in your grief, and then later marry her--then you must do something for your nephew. You know how highly I think of Desmond. I have spoken to you a hundred times for him--uselessly. And I am going to take this opportunity--the solicitor is downstairs--I am going to marry Arabella, before your very eyes, if you don't transfer some of your wealth to Desmond.

Bramble I am a reasonable man.

Countess We'll go see. But, come to my apartment to agree on the contract. Follow us, Arabella. Your presence will facilitate this little accommodation.

(Exit Bramble, Countess, Arabella, and Tuneless. After a moment, enter Desmond and Lucy.)

Desmond Well, Lucy?

Lucy They are about to tax your uncle. What have you done to hasten the liberality of our widow?

Desmond I pressed her in a lively way. But she was pressing me in a lively way, also.

Lucy Her love presses.

Desmond I pretend not to understand her passionate talk. But the less I seem to understand, the more she reveals. I can't hold her back. I had to leave her alone in the garden--where she stayed to hide her confusion. She sighs, she excites herself--

Lucy A declaration is coming. It wants to come forth. She will unburden her heart. She is meditating some passionate declaration which may be obscure--or plain enough.

Desmond All too plain, I fear. I see her coming. I am not going to wait to hear this.

(Exit Desmond.)

Widow (entering) Where did he go, Lucy?

Lucy (pointing her in the wrong direction) That way, I think.

Widow Desmond. Desmond. I must talk to you.

(Exit Widow. Enter Tuneless.)

Lucy Ah, Tuneless, everything's a mess here.

Tuneless Ah, Lucy, everything's even worse on the other side.

Lucy Truly, she really wants to make a gift.

Tuneless In truth, he wants to make a gift.

Lucy But, Tuneless--

Tuneless But, Lucy--

Lucy But first, she wants to assure herself that Desmond--

Tuneless He wishes to be first secure of Arabella. He will give, when the contract is signed.

Lucy In signing the contract, she says.

Tuneless I can't see any hope.

Lucy My genius is exhausted.

Tuneless Our intrigue falls of its own weight.

Lucy She's too sly.

Tuneless He's too clever. Very well. Lucy, let us at least have the pleasure of dashing their hopes of this double marriage.

Lucy What you suggest will do no good as far as I can see. I haven't the audacity to laugh about it. They'll be furious.

(Exit Lucy.)

Tuneless Me, I always have the courage to amuse myself. Let's see what will become of this. The husband is left alone in his apartment--his wife is alone in hers. They are both saddled for the race. Let's see who will win. Good, here's the husband. I also see the wife. Let's turn out the lights so as to make this double widowhood last a bit longer.

(Tuneless turns out the lights. Bramble enters.)

Bramble The Countess thinks she's found her dupe. She intends to get me to give my money to Desmond, and then marry Arabella to whoever she pleases. But Arabella would be in despair not to marry me. I told her to meet me here so we could take some precautions. She's on her way. Let's wait here. (stepping into the shadows)

(Enter Widow.)

Widow I can't find Desmond anywhere. Someone turned out the lights. He couldn't have given Arabella a rendez-vous here?

Bramble (aside) If Arabella agrees, I will marry her, in spite of the Countess. I've only to take her away secretly. But, what's happening?

Widow It's Desmond, waiting for Arabella!

Bramble Arabella is following me. How lucky I am, that she's promised to marry me. Ah!

Widow How he sighs for her. The little traitor!

Bramble It's Arabella who's looking for me. Here I am.

Widow The resemblance of their voices always astonishes me. How I love one and hate the other.

Bramble Am I the one you're looking for?

Widow His voice makes me tremble-- But, I am crazy--it's Desmond's voice that sounds like that. I'll pretend to be Arabella. I've come to our rendez-vous, my dear, Desmond.

Bramble Desmond--what, is it Desmond you come to see, after having promised never to be with anyone but me?

Widow Ah! It's the true raging voice of my husband.

Bramble Ingrate! Liar!

Widow His ghost reproaches me.

Bramble To betray me thus.

Widow His ghost returns. Let's get out of here! (runs and falls into a chair) My legs have betrayed me! Let me call for help. Ah! My voice fails me.

Bramble You wish to marry Desmond?

Widow I didn't say that.

Bramble What! Didn't I hear right--"Isn't it Desmond?"

Widow Oh, no. I will never have another except you.

Bramble Bah! Never have another--

Widow No, no, husband, no.

Bramble She trembles and calls me her husband. She fears the Countess. There's only me here--don't be afraid. Follow me.

Widow Ha--a, a, a--

Bramble (taking her hand) Where are you then?

Widow (fainting) Ah.

Bramble Don't be afraid--it's me who's got your hand.

Widow I know it's you.

Bramble Yes,--while you call me your husband, you will be my wife. You will love me a little--right? Hey--modesty renders her silent. Hmm. How much more delightful this hand is to kiss than that of my late wife. Hers was rough, this is soft. But don't lose any