Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky (sight word books .TXT) 📕

six years ago. I had a serf, Filka; just after his burial I called out forgetting ‘Filka, my pipe!’ He came in and went to the cupboard where my pipes were. I sat still and thought

‘he is doing it out of revenge,’ because we had a violent quarrel just before his death. ‘How dare you come in with a hole in your elbow?’ I said. ‘Go away, you scamp!’ He turned and went out, and never came again. I didn’t tell Marfa Petrovna at the time. I wanted to have a service sung for him, but I was ashamed.’

‘You should go to a doctor.’

‘I know I am not well, without your telling me, though I don’t know what’s wrong; I believe I am five 514 of 967

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times as strong as you are. I didn’t ask you whether you believe that ghosts are seen, but whether you believe that they exist.’

‘No, I won’t believe it!’ Raskolnikov cried, with positive anger.

‘What do people generally say?’ muttered Svidrigaïlov, as though speaking to himself, looking aside and bowing his head. ‘They say, ‘You are ill, so what appears to you is only unreal fantasy.’ But that’s not strictly logical. I agree that ghosts only appear to the sick, but that only proves that they are unable to appear except to the sick, not that they don’t exist.’

‘Nothing of the sort,’ Raskolnikov insisted irritably.

‘No? You don’t think so?’ Svidrigaïlov went on, looking at him deliberately. ‘But what do you say to this argument (help me with it): ghosts are, as it were, shreds and fragments of other worlds, the beginning of them. A man in health has, of course, no reason to see them, because he is above all a man of this earth and is bound for the sake of completeness and order to live only in this life.

But as soon as one is ill, as soon as the normal earthly order of the organism is broken, one begins to realise the possibility of another world; and the more seriously ill one is, the closer becomes one’s contact with that other world, 515 of 967

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so that as soon as the man dies he steps straight into that world. I thought of that long ago. If you believe in a future life, you could believe in that, too.’

‘I don’t believe in a future life,’ said Raskolnikov.

Svidrigaïlov sat lost in thought.

‘And what if there are only spiders there, or something of that sort,’ he said suddenly.

‘He is a madman,’ thought Raskolnikov.

‘We always imagine eternity as something beyond our conception, something vast, vast! But why must it be vast?

Instead of all that, what if it’s one little room, like a bath house in the country, black and grimy and spiders in every corner, and that’s all eternity is? I sometimes fancy it like that.’

‘Can it be you can imagine nothing juster and more comforting than that?’ Raskolnikov cried, with a feeling of anguish.

‘Juster? And how can we tell, perhaps that is just, and do you know it’s what I would certainly have made it,’

answered Svidrigaïlov, with a vague smile.

This horrible answer sent a cold chill through Raskolnikov. Svidrigaïlov raised his head, looked at him, and suddenly began laughing.

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‘Only think,’ he cried, ‘half an hour ago we had never seen each other, we regarded each other as enemies; there is a matter unsettled between us; we’ve thrown it aside, and away we’ve gone into the abstract! Wasn’t I right in saying that we were birds of a feather?’

‘Kindly allow me,’ Raskolnikov went on irritably, ‘to ask you to explain why you have honoured me with your visit … and … and I am in a hurry, I have no time to waste. I want to go out.’

‘By all means, by all means. Your sister, Avdotya Romanovna, is going to be married to Mr. Luzhin, Pyotr Petrovitch?’

‘Can you refrain from any question about my sister and from mentioning her name? I can’t understand how you dare utter her name in my presence, if you really are Svidrigaïlov.’

‘Why, but I’ve come here to speak about her; how can I avoid mentioning her?’

‘Very good, speak, but make haste.’

‘I am sure that you must have formed your own

opinion of this Mr. Luzhin, who is a connection of mine through my wife, if you have only seen him for half an hour, or heard any facts about him. He is no match for Avdotya Romanovna. I believe Avdotya Romanovna is 517 of 967

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sacrificing herself generously and imprudently for the sake of … for the sake of her family. I fancied from all I had heard of you that you would be very glad if the match could be broken off without the sacrifice of worldly advantages. Now I know you personally, I am convinced of it.’

‘All this is very naïve … excuse me, I should have said impudent on your part,’ said Raskolnikov.

‘You mean to say that I am seeking my own ends.

Don’t be uneasy, Rodion Romanovitch, if I were working for my own advantage, I would not have spoken out so directly. I am not quite a fool. I will confess something psychologically curious about that: just now, defending my love for Avdotya Romanovna, I said I was myself the victim. Well, let me tell you that I’ve no feeling of love now, not the slightest, so that I wonder myself indeed, for I really did feel something …’

‘Through idleness and depravity,’ Raskolnikov put in.

‘I certainly am idle and depraved, but your sister has such qualities that even I could not help being impressed by them. But that’s all nonsense, as I see myself now.’

‘Have you seen that long?’

‘I began to be aware of it before, but was only perfectly sure of it the day before yesterday, almost at the moment I 518 of 967

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arrived in Petersburg. I still fancied in Moscow, though, that I was coming to try to get Avdotya Romanovna’s hand and to cut out Mr. Luzhin.’

‘Excuse me for interrupting you; kindly be brief, and come to the object of your visit. I am in a hurry, I want to go out …’

‘With the greatest pleasure. On arriving here and determining on a certain … journey, I should like to make some necessary preliminary arrangements. I left my children with an aunt; they are well provided for; and they have no need of me personally. And a nice father I should make, too! I have taken nothing but what Marfa Petrovna gave me a year ago. That’s enough for me. Excuse me, I am just coming to the point. Before the journey which may come off, I want to settle Mr. Luzhin, too. It’s not that I detest him so much, but it was through him I quarrelled with Marfa Petrovna when I learned that she had dished up this marriage. I want now to see Avdotya Romanovna through your mediation, and if you like in your presence, to explain to her that in the first place she will never gain anything but harm from Mr. Luzhin.

Then, begging her pardon for all past unpleasantness, to make her a present of ten thousand roubles and so assist the rupture with Mr. Luzhin, a rupture to which I believe 519 of 967

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she is herself not disinclined, if she could see the way to it.’

‘You are certainly mad,’ cried Raskolnikov not so much angered as astonished. ‘How dare you talk like that!’

‘I knew you would scream at me; but in the first place, though I am not rich, this ten thousand roubles is perfectly free; I have absolutely no need for it. If Avdotya Romanovna does not accept it, I shall waste it in some more foolish way. That’s the first thing. Secondly, my conscience is perfectly easy; I make the offer with no ulterior motive. You may not believe it, but in the end Avdotya Romanovna and you will know. The point is, that I did actually cause your sister, whom I greatly respect, some trouble and unpleasantness, and so, sincerely regretting it, I want—not to compensate, not to repay her for the unpleasantness, but simply to do something to her advantage, to show that I am not, after all, privileged to do nothing but harm. If there were a millionth fraction of self-interest in my offer, I should not have made it so openly; and I should not have offered her ten thousand only, when five weeks ago I offered her more, Besides, I may, perhaps, very soon marry a young lady, and that alone ought to prevent suspicion of any design on Avdotya Romanovna. In conclusion, let me say that in 520 of 967

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marrying Mr. Luzhin, she is taking money just the same, only from another man. Don’t be angry, Rodion

Romanovitch, think it over coolly and quietly.’

Svidrigaïlov himself was exceedingly cool and quiet as he was saying this.

‘I beg you to say no more,’ said Raskolnikov. ‘In any case this is unpardonable impertinence.’

‘Not in the least. Then a man may do nothing but harm to his neighbour in this world, and is prevented from doing the tiniest bit of good by trivial conventional formalities. That’s absurd. If I died, for instance, and left that sum to your sister in my will, surely she wouldn’t refuse it?’

‘Very likely she would.’

‘Oh, no, indeed. However, if you refuse it, so be it, though ten thousand roubles is a capital thing to have on occasion. In any case I beg you to repeat what I have said to Avdotya Romanovna.’

‘No, I won’t.’

‘In that case, Rodion Romanovitch, I shall be obliged to try and see her myself and worry her by doing so.’

‘And if I do tell her, will you not try to see her?’

‘I don’t know really what to say. I should like very much to see her once more.’

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‘Don’t hope for it.’

‘I’m sorry. But you don’t know me. Perhaps we may become better friends.’

‘You think we may become friends?’

‘And why not?’ Svidrigaïlov said, smiling. He stood up and took his hat. ‘I didn’t quite intend to disturb you and I came here without reckoning on it … though I was very much struck by your face this morning.’

‘Where did you see me this morning?’ Raskolnikov asked uneasily.

‘I saw you by chance…. I kept fancying there is something about you like me…. But don’t be uneasy. I am not intrusive; I used to get on all right with card-sharpers, and I never bored Prince Svirbey, a great personage who is a distant relation of mine, and I could write about Raphael’s Madonna in Madam Prilukov’s album, and I never left Marfa Petrovna’s side for seven years, and I used to stay the night at Viazemsky’s house in the Hay Market in the old days, and I may go up in a balloon with Berg, perhaps.’

‘Oh, all right. Are you starting soon on your travels, may I ask?’

‘What travels?’

‘Why, on that ‘journey’; you spoke of it yourself.’

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‘A journey? Oh, yes. I did speak of a journey. Well, that’s a wide subject…. if only you knew what you are asking,’ he added, and gave a sudden, loud, short laugh.

‘Perhaps I’ll get married instead of the journey. They’re making a match for me.’

‘Here?’

‘Yes.’

‘How have you had time for that?’

‘But I am very anxious to see Avdotya Romanovna once. I earnestly beg it. Well, good-bye for the present.

Oh, yes. I have forgotten something. Tell your sister, Rodion Romanovitch, that Marfa Petrovna remembered her in her will and left her three thousand roubles. That’s absolutely certain. Marfa Petrovna arranged it a week before her death, and it was done in my presence. Avdotya Romanovna will be able to receive the money in two or three weeks.’

‘Are you telling the truth?’

‘Yes, tell her. Well, your servant. I am staying very near you.’

As he