Doctor Syn by Russell Thorndyke (7 ebook reader TXT) 📕
"Come, now," giggled the landlady, "not to us, Mister Mipps. Not the way we gets it."
"I don't know what you means," snapped the wary sexton. "But I do wish as how you'd practise a-keepin' your mouth shut, for if you opens it much more that waggin' tongue of yours'll get us all the rope."
"Whatever is the matter?" whimpered the landlady.
"Will you do as I tell you?" shrieked the sexton.
"0h, Lord!" cried Mrs. Waggetts, dropping the precious teapot in her agitation and running out of the back door toward the school. Mipps picked up the teapot and put it on the table; then lighting his short clay pipe he waited by the window.
In the bar sat Denis Cobtree, making little progress with a Latin book that was spread open on his knee. From the other side of the counter Imogene was watching him.
She was a tall, sli
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Denis now found himself alone with young Jerk. The would-be hangman was helping himself to a thimble of rum, and politely asked the squire’s son to join him; but Denis refused with a curt: “No, I don’t take spirits.”
“No?” replied the lad of twelve years. “Oh, you should. When I feels regular out and out, and gets fits of the morbids, you know, the sort of time when you feels you may grow up to be the hanged man and not the hangman, I always takes to myself a thimble of neat rum. Rum’s the drink for Britons, Mister Cobtree. Rum’s wot’s made all the best sailors and hangmen in the realm.”
“If you go on drinking at this rate,” replied Denis, “you’ll never live to hang that schoolmaster.”
“Oh,” answered Jerry thoughtfully, “oh, Mister Denis, if I thought there was any truth in that, I’d give it up. Yes,” he went on with great emphasis, as if he were contemplating a most heroic sacrifice, “yes, I’d give up even rum to hang that schoolmaster, and it’s a hanging what’ll get him, and not old Mipps, the coffin knocker.”
Denis laughed at his notion and crossed to the kitchen door listening. “What can they be discussing in there so solemnly?” he said, more to himself than to his companion. But Jerry Jerk tossed off the pannikin of rum, clambered on the high stool behind the bar, and leaned across the counter, fixing Denis with a glance full of meaning.
“Mister Cobtree,” he whispered fearfully, “you are older than I am, but I feel somehow as if I can give you a point or two, because you’ve got sense. I’m a man of Kent, I am, and I’m going to be a hangman sooner or later, but above all I belongs to the Marsh and understands her, and them as understands the Marsh—well, the Marsh understands them, and this is what she says to them as understands her: * Hide yourself like I do under the green, until you feels you’re ready to be real mud.’ I takes her advice, I do; I’m under the green, I am, but I can be patient, because I knows as how some day I’ll be real dirt. You can’t be real dirt all at once; so keep green till you can; and if I has to keep green for years and years, I’ll get to mud one day, and that’ll be the day to hang that Rash and cheat old Mipps of his body.” And to encourage himself in this resolve Jerry took another thimbleful of rum.
“I’m afraid I can’t follow you,” said Denis.
“Don’t try to,” replied the youngster, “don’t try to. You’ll get it in time. The Marsh’ll show you. She takes her own time, but she’ll get you out of the green some day and ooze you up through the sluices, and then you’ll be a man o’ Kent, and no mistaking you.”
Denis, not able to make head or tail of this effusion, laughed again, which brought Jerry Jerk with a bound over the bar.
“See here, Mister Cobtree,” he hissed, coming close to him; “I likes you; you’re the only one in the village I does like. Oh, I’m not wanting anything from you; I’m just speaking the truth—you’re the only one in the village I haven’t hanged in my mind, and, what’s more to the point, you won’t blab if I tell you (but there, I know you won’t), you’re the only one in the village I couldn’t get hanged?”
“What on earth do you mean?” said the squire’s son.
“What I’ve said,” replied the urchin, “just what I’ve said, and not another word do you get from me but this: listen! Do you hear that sexton in there a-mumbling? Well, what’s he mumbling about? Ah, you don’t know, and I don’t know (leastways not exactly), but there’s one who does. Come over here,” and he led Denis to the back window and pointed out over Romney Marsh. “She knows, that there Marsh. She knows everything about this place, and every place upon her. Why, I’d give up everything I’ve got or shall get in this world, everything—except that schoolmaster’s neck—to know all she knows, ‘cos she knows everything, Mister Cob tree, everything, she does. In every house there’s murmurings and mumblings a-going on, and in every dyke out there there’s the same ones, the very same ones agoing. You can hear ‘em yourself, Mister Cobtree, if you stands amongst ‘em. You try. But, oh, Mister Denis”—and he grabbed his arm imploringly—“don’t try to understand them dykes at night. She don’t talk then, she don’t; she does—she just does then. She does all wot the mumbles and murmurs have whispered to do; and it’s death on the Marsh at night. I found that out,” he added proudly. “Do you know how?”
“How?” queried Denis.
“By going out on her in the day, and gradually getting used to wot she says; that’s how; and that’s the only way.”
Just then a most infernal noise arose from the front of the inn, and before Denis had disengaged himself from the earnest clutches of his guardian angel, and before the murmurs of ]Mr. IVIipps had ceased in the kitchen, the bar was swarming with seamen—sailors— rough mahogany men with pigtails and brass rings, smelling of tar and, much to the admiration of Jerk, reeking of rum, filling the room with their jostling, spitting, and laughing, and their calls on the potboy to serve ‘em with drink. But their entrance was so sudden, their appearance so startling, and their behaviour so alarming, that the young hangman was for the moment off his guard, for there he stood open-mouthed and awestruck, watching the giants help themselves freely from the great barrels. To Denis they had come with no less surprise. He had seen preventer men before; he had many friends among the fishermen, but these were real sailors, men-o’-war, who had lived through a hundred sea-fights, and seen hellfire on the high seas— real sailors, King’s men. Yes, the King’s men had come to Dymchurch.
JUST as suddenly as the pandemonium had begun, just so suddenly did it cease, for there strode through the door a short, thickset man, with a bull neck and a red face, a regular rough fighting dog, who, by his dress and the extraordinary effect he produced upon the men, Denis and Jerk at once knew to be an officer.
“Bo’sun,” he said in a thick voice, addressing one of the sailors, “in a quarter of an hour pipe the men outside the inn, and we’ll see to the billeting. Meantime make ‘em pay for their drinks and no chalking. Hi, youngster!” he cried, catching hold of young Jerk by the ear, “if you’re the potboy, tumble round behind and look after your job.” Jerk, mentally consigning him to the gibbet, did as he was ordered, for his ear was hurting horribly.
“And now, sir,” went on the officer, addressing himself to Denis, “is there anyone in this law-forsaken hole who can answer questions in King’s English ?”
“Certainly, sir,” said Denis proudly, “if they are asked with a civil tongue. I am Denis Cobtree, and my father, the squire, is the best-known man on Romney Marsh.”
“Then,” ordered the seadog curtly, “fetch him along here quick!”
“Really, sir,” retorted Denis hotly, “I do not think you would afford him sufficient interest. He has not the honour of your acquaintance, and I am bound to consider that he’ll have no great zeal to make it!”
“Nor I, neither,” said Mr. Mipps, who had been looking round the kitchen door. “I don’t like his looks.”
The infuriated officer was inside the kitchen like a hurricane, glaring at the little sexton with all the condensed fury of the British navy.
“What’s this?” he said, addressing himself again to Denis, who had followed him into the kitchen to be quit of the crowd of seamen. “I suppose you’ll tell me that this shrivelled up little monkey is a squire’s son too, eh?”
“A squire’s son!” repeated the sexton. “Oh, well, if I is, I ain’t come into my title yet.”
“Don’t you play the fool with me, sir!” thundered the King’s man.
“And don’t you try the swagger with me, sir! “volleyed back the sexton.
“The swagger with you, sir?” exploded the officer.
“Right, sir,” exclaimed the sexton, “that’s what I said—the swagger, sir!”
But the other swallowed his wrath and announced coldly:
“I am Captain Colly er. Captain Howard Colly er, coast agent and commissioner; come ashore to lay a few of ycu by the heels, I’ve no doubt.”
“Oh! is that all?” replied the sexton with a sigh of relief. “Well, there, I have been mistook. I’d quite made up my mind that you was the Grand Turk or at least the Lord Rear Admiral of the Scilly Isles.”
Ignoring the sexton’s humour, the captain turned to Denis and said: “Who is this person?”
But Mipps was not so easily crushed, and he cried: “A man to be looked up to in these parts. I undertakes for the district. The only one wot does it for miles round. They all comes to me, rich and poor alike, I tells you; for they know that Mipps knocks ‘em up solid.”
“Knocks what up solid?” demanded the captain furiously.
“Coffins up solid,” replied the sexton promptly.
“Coffins!” repeated the captain. “Oh, you’re a coffin-maker, are you? Yes, you look it. Thought you might be the landlord of this run-amuck old inn here. That’s the man I want. Where can I find him?”
Mipps pointed out of the window toward the church.
“Up in the churchyard,” he said.
“What’s he doing in the churchyard?” demanded the captain.
Mipps came right up to him and whispered in this ear the significant word, “Worrmnps!”
“What?” shouted the captain, who didn’t understand.
“Sh!” said Mipps, pointing across at Mrs. Waggetts, who had begun to weep into her apron. “He’s a-keepin’ ‘em out.”
“Keeping who out?” snapped the captain.
“I keep telling you,” replied the sexton, “Worrumps!”
“Danged if I can make out what you say.” The captain’s patience was well-nigh exhausted. “Go and fetch the landlord!” he ordered.
“Oh, would that he could,” sobbed Mrs. Waggetts. “Oh, dear, oh, dear!”
The captain turned on her with an oath. “What’s the matter with you, my good woman?” he said.
“That good woman is the landlord,” volunteered Mr. Mipps.
“You exasperating little liar!” shouted the captain, seizing the enigmatical sexton and shaking him violently; “you said the landlord was in the churchyard a minute ago.”
“A minute ago!” cried the breathless undertaker. “Why, he’s been there a year and a half, and there he’ll stop till as wot time as they gets him. Though I must say I gave him the best pine and knocked him up solid with my own hands—
“Released from Missus Waggetts
I left him to the maggots— and there’s Waggetts, and she’s the landlord,” and the sexton, chuckling with delight at his ready wit, pointed to the still weeping landlady.
“Well, ma’am,” said the captain, coming to the point at once, “you must really blame yourself if your scores are not settled. A little potboy who has to stand on tiptoe to look over the bar is not the sort of person to prevent people helping themselves; and that’s what my seadogs are doing now—helping themselves.”
Mrs. Waggetts, with a scream, rushed from the kitchen, followed by Imogene, the sexton and the schoolmaster being glad enough to follow their example and so escape from the bullying
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