Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (ebook reader online .TXT) ๐
And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. "They must go by the carrier," she thought; "and how funny it'll seem, sending presents to one's own feet! And how odd the directions will look!
Alice's Right Foot, Esq. Hearthrug, near the Fender, (with Alice's love).
Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!"
Just then her head struck again
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"So they were," said the Dormouse; "very ill."
Alice tried a little to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary way of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went on: "But why did they live at the bottom of a well?"
"Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
"I've had nothing yet," Alice replied in an offended tone, "so I can't take more."
"You mean you can't take less," said the Hatter; "it's very easy to take more than nothing."
"Nobody asked your opinion," said Alice.
"Who's making personal remarks now?" the Hatter asked triumphantly.
Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dormouse, and repeated her question. "Why did they live at the bottom of a well?"
The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and then said, "It was a treacle-well."
"There's no such thing!" Alice was beginning very angrily, but the Hatter and the March Hare went "Sh! sh!" and the Dormouse sulkily remarked: "If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the story for yourself."
"No, please go on!" Alice said very humbly. "I won't interrupt you again. I dare say there may be one."
"One, indeed!" said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he consented to go on. "And so these three little sistersโthey were learning to draw, you knowโโ"
"What did they draw?" said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
"Treacle," said the Dormouse, without considering at all this time.
"I want a clean cup," interrupted the Hatter: "let's all move one place on."
He moved as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any advantage from the change: and Alice was a good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate.
Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very cautiously: "But I don't understand. Where did they draw the treacle from?"
"You can draw water out of a water-well," said the Hatter; "so I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-wellโeh, stupid!"
"But they were in the well," Alice said to the Dormouse, not choosing to notice this last remark.
"Of course they were," said the Dormouse; "โโwell in."
This answer so confused poor Alice that she let the Dormouse go on for some time without interrupting it.
"They were learning to draw," the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; "and they drew all manner of thingsโeverything that begins with an Mโโ"
"Why with an M?" said Alice.
"Why not?" said the March Hare.
Alice was silent.
The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into a dose; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with a little shriek, and went on: "โโ that begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchnessโyou know you say things are 'much of a muchness'โdid you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?"
"Really, now you ask me," said Alice, very much confused, "I don't thinkโโ"
"Then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter.
This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in great disgust and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.
"At any rate I'll never go there again!" said Alice as she picked her way through the wood. "It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!"
Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door leading right into it. "That's very curious!" she thought. "But everything's curious to-day. I think I may as well go in at once." And in she went.
Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little glass table. "Now I'll manage better this time," she said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she set to work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till she was about a foot high: then she walked down the little passage: and thenโshe found herself at last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains.
"I couldn't help it," said Five, in a sulky tone. "Seven jogged my elbow."
On which Seven looked up and said, "That's right, Five! Always lay the blame on others!"
"You'd better not talk!" said Five. "I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!"
"What for?" said the one who had first spoken.
"That's none of your business, Two!" said Seven.
"Yes, it is his business!" said Five. "And I'll tell himโit was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions."
Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun "Well, of all the unjust thingsโโ" when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.
"Would you tell me," said Alice, a little timidly, "why you are painting those roses?"
Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low voice, "Why, the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a red rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore she comes, toโโ" At this moment, Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called out "The Queen! The Queen!" and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples; they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried, nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and last of all this grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions; "and besides, what would be the use of a procession," thought she, "if people had to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see it?" So she stood still where she was, and waited.
When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked at her, and the Queen said severely, "Who is this?" She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.
"Idiot!" said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and turning to Alice, she went on, "What's your name, child?"
"My name is Alice, so please your Majesty," said Alice very politely; but she added, to herself, "Why, they're only a pack of cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!"
"And who are these?" said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who were lying round the rose-tree; for, you see, as they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own children.
"How should I know?" said Alice, surprised at her own courage. "It's no business of mine."
The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast, screamed "Off with her head! Offโโ"
"Nonsense!" said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent.
The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said "Consider my dear: she is only a child!"
The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave "Turn them over!"
The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.
"Get up!" said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else.
"Leave off that!" screamed the Queen. "You make me giddy." And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, "What have you been doing here?"
"May it please your Majesty," said Two, in a very humble tone, going down on one knee as he spoke, "we were tryingโโ"
"I see!" said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses. "Off with their heads!" and the procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection.
"You shan't be beheaded!" said Alice, and she put them into a large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the others.
"Are their heads off?" shouted the Queen.
"Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!" the soldiers shouted in reply.
"That's right!" shouted the Queen. "Can you play croquet?"
The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was evidently meant for her.
"Yes!" shouted Alice.
"Come on, then!" roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession, wondering very much what would happen next.
"It'sโit's a very fine day!" said a timid voice at her side. She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
"Very," said Alice: "โโwhere's the Duchess?"
"Hush! Hush!" said the Rabbit in a low hurried tone. He looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered "She's under sentence of execution."
"What for?" said Alice.
"Did you say 'What a pity!'?" the Rabbit asked.
"No, I didn't," said Alice: "I don't think it's at all a pity. I said 'What for?'"
"She boxed the Queen's earsโ" the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little scream of laughter. "Oh, hush!" the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone. "The Queen will hear you! You see she came rather late, and the Queen saidโโ"
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