Harmony In Marriage by Dada Bhagwan (hot novels to read .txt) 📕

- Dr. Niruben Amin

Harmony In Marriage

(Ideal interactions between husband and wife, according to Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan)

[1] ONE FAMILY

When does one enjoy life? When the whole day passes without any stress or worries. How can one enjoy life when there are conflicts at home? Conflicts are unacceptable, especially at home. Conflicts may arise with neighbors and others, but why at home? At home one should live life as a family. What is family life? In family life, love should prevail and be present at all times. Where is the family life nowadays? The husband starts complaining about a meal that is not to his liking. Underdeveloped people! Developed people would set aside what they do not like, and eat the rest. Can this not be done? That is a family life. Go quarrel outside. What does “my family” mean? It should mean, “We do not have any conflicts.” You should adjust. You should know how to adjust within your family. Adjust everywhere.

Do you have the knowledge of what a functional family is? Although we Indians live as a family, we lack the knowledge of how to live as ‘an ideal family’. In foreign countries, people do not understand the concept of ‘ideal family’. In the Western culture, when James turns twenty, his parents, William and Mary will tell him, “You must now be independent so that we can live our own lives!” They have not grasped the concept of how to function as a family. If Mary does not get along with William, she will consider a divorce right away. In India, divorce is not an option. We stay together, quarrel, and then sleep in the same room. This is not what life is all about. This is not called ‘family life’.

In India, people have their own family doctor. How can you have a family doctor, when you do not even have a family? The family doctor is treated as part of the family, while the wife is treated like an outsider. When the family doctor comes, they do not quarrel with him, even if he leaves behind a big bill. Instead they’ll say, “This is our family doctor!” People think they have a status in society by having their own family doctor!

Should you quarrel with a member of the family if he accidentally hurt you? No. You should live like a family; you should not just pretend to do so. People put up a facade about being a family. It should not be that way. There should be unity within a family. If your wife gets upset with you, wait awhile and then say to her, “No matter what you say to me and no matter how upset you get with me, I miss you when you are not around!” Tell your wife that you don’t like being separated from her. Just go ahead and say this ‘Guru Mantra’ (words that give results). You never express your love and appreciation to your wife, do you? What is the problem in doing so? Just tell her you do not like being away from her. You should keep most of your love to yourself, but do share and express some of it.

[2] QUARRELS AT HOME

Dadashri : Do you ever have kalesh (quarrels) at home? What do you think about conflicts in the home? Do you like it?

Questioner : The world does not function without quarrels.

Dadashri : Then God will not stay wherever there are quarrels.

Questioner : But there should at least be some quarrelling!

Dadashri : No, there should not be any quarrelling. Why should there be any quarrelling? What is the reason for quarrelling? Are you comfortable with quarrelling? How many months can you live with conflicts?

Questioner : Not a single moment.

Dadashri : Not even for a month? You get good meals to eat, you wear beautiful jewellery, and yet you quarrel. You quarrel because you do not know how to live life; you do not know the art of living. This is what causes quarrels. All people care about is the art of making money. You do not think about how to live life because your thoughts are preoccupied with making money. Shouldn’t you think about this?

Questioner : We should think about it, but everyone has a different approach.

Dadashri : No, everyone’s ways are not different, they are all the same. “Dollars! Money! Where can I make money?” When one makes money, he goes to a store to buy something for the house and then brings it home and stares at it. Then when it becomes old, he has to go and buy something else. All day long, he is caught up in this kind of a rut; he is unhappy and stressed. How can one live this kind of a life? Does this suit a human being? There should not be any quarrels (kalesh).

Questioner : What are you referring to when you say ‘kalesh’?

Dadashri : When you quarrel and clash with your family members, with outsiders, with your wife, all that quarrelling is referred to as ‘kalesh’. If couples get into an argument and as a result, they avoid each other for a while, then this event is called ‘kalesh’. There is no problem if they get together right away after two to three hours of bickering, but if they argue and stay apart, that is called ‘kalesh’. If they stay apart for twelve hours, then the whole night is spent in ‘kalesh’.

Questioner : Is this tendency towards obstinacy in discord (kankas) more prevalent in men or women?

Dadashri : Women have more of this tendency.

Questioner : What is the reason for that?

Dadashri : There are two types of clashes, minor and major. Men tend to get into minor clashes, which do not last. Men tend to forgive and forget easily. These are minor clashes. Women on the other hand, tend to engage in major clashes. They do not recover from clashes quite as easily. Instead, they tend to remember it for a prolonged period of time. It is very difficult for women to let go. Due to their nature, women at times are guilty of turning minor issues into major issues. For example, after a minor disagreement, the husband walks about as if nothing has happened, while the wife walks around sulking.

Questioner : So what should we do to avoid major clashes?

Dadashri : If you do not ignite a small fire she will not kindle it. The fault is yours for igniting the fire in the first place. For example, when you tell her that her food tastes awful and you go around with a frown on your face, you ignite a fire. All these trivial things give rise to minor disputes, which she then coverts into major ones.

Questioner : The important thing is that there should be peace at home.

Dadashri : But how can peace prevail? For peace, you have to understand dharma (religion, one’s duties, moral code of conduct). You should tell everyone at home, “We are not each other’s enemies; nobody has any quarrels with anyone. There is no need to have differences of opinion. Let us share with each other what we have and let us be happy.” That is how you should think and do everything. You should never quarrel with people at home. How can you quarrel with people you have to share the same home with? Nobody has ever been happy by making others miserable and we want to be happy by giving happiness. We can only be happy if we make others happy at home. You will be served a good cup of tea with a smile, if you avoid conflicts with this understanding. Otherwise, they will ruin your tea before they serve it to you.

Look how many worries and inner differences there are! A person continues to harbour differences of opinion, yet he thinks he practices religion. Ask him if the quarrelling has ceased in his home. Has it even decreased? Have his worries become less? Does he have at least some peace? To that he will say, “No, but at least I practice religion.” You fool! What religion do you have? Being religious means, you are at peace within and regardless of your situation in life you do not have any stress, whether it be internal or external. To revert to your Real nature (the Soul), is the final definition of religion.

If your wife drops a stack of china dishes and glassware, would you be affected by it?

If you are affected or you feel hurt, you cannot refrain from saying something; you cannot prevent turning on your ‘radio’. The moment you get hurt, your radio will come on, which in turn will hurt her. Then she will point out, “You act as if you never break anything.” It is important to understand that glassware can easily slip and break. If you were to tell her to

break the dishes, would she do so? Who or what breaks them? There is no person in this world with an independent strength or power to break even a single dish. All these events that take place are accounts that are being settled, and therefore all you have to do is ask her whether or not she was hurt.

If you both fight over a couch, then throw that couch away. That couch is worth only a few hundred dollars. Is it worth fighting over? It will only sow seeds of hatred. Just get rid of it. Anything that causes conflicts in the home should be thrown away.

The more you understand, the greater your faith. With faith you will acquire results. Without faith, nothing will help you. If you do things with understanding, your life will be happy and it will make her life happy too. Does your wife not cook you wonderful meals?

Questioner : Yes, she does.

Dadashri : What more do you need then? Shouldn’t you be obligated to her since she is your partner? What is her obligation in this? You bring home the money and she cooks and cleans. This is the way a partnership works. The children are the products of your partnership. They are not solely hers, are they? Just because she was the one who went through pregnancy does not mean that they belong only to her. Your children belong to the both of you. Do they belong to you both or her alone?

Questioner : Both of us.

Dadashri : Yes. Would men be willing to go through pregnancy? Therefore, this world is worth understanding. It needs to be understood from many different perspectives. Only a Gnani Purush can make you understand the world as it is. He enables you to understand what is good for