Addie by vanessa (book recommendations TXT) 📕

I let the water loosen the knot that had formed on my neck. I finally turned off the water I knew I could avoid it any longer. I wrapped myself tight with the towel and dried my hair. I brushed my teeth thoughtlessly. I just kept looking at my mothers eyes that where placed on my face, and that yellow paper with my brothers number. It was getting harder to breath in this bathroom I liked to think it was because of the hot steam but I knew there was more to it that.
I woke up before my alarm went off, the sun was out again and bright like yesterday. I woke up from a dream. It has been such a long time since I could remember any of my dreams but today my dream scared me awake. I was running to some thing but when I got there, there was nothing but my garden and eyes that watched my every move. The eyes were hungry. I looked out my window, into the bright day I had woken up to, everything looked peaceful the birds were cooing from every tree like last night never happened at all. I got dressed slowly, carefully pick something to wear, I wanted to match the bright sun maybe it would help me feel less cloudy. I finally put on a yellow blouse on, one I had never warn, it clung on to me emphasizing ever curve. Then covered it up with my black jacket, I looked different from yesterday, I feel different form yesterday but I couldn’t point a finger at the change. I took my time eating my toast with peanut butter, actually tasting it this morning. Half way through the mindless chewing, I spotted the yellow paper it had been stuck on the refrigerator with a small magnet right through the middle of it. I had to look away.
This day has been moving so slowly I’m waiting for it to freeze. I couldn’t concentrate on anything anyone around me ways saying I couldn’t wait for school to be over so I could return to my garden.
“Hello! Addie? Did you hear anything that I have been telling you? Hello?” Kate sounded annoyed and I could blame her I was out of it today, like most days.
“Sorry Kate… I have a lot on my mind lately. It’s just overwhelming.” I added. Kate and I are completely opposite but we but we have been friend sense I move here she was the talker and I was the listener but not to day.
“why aren’t you eating? Don’t tell me you going an anorexic on me.” Kate said while she raised one of her eyebrows at me.
“I’m not anorexic! I’m just not hungry” I said rolling my eyes dramatically at her and she smiled.
“ I like that blouse on you it’s really cute!” that was Kate’s way of saying lets talk about something else.
“Thanks” I said with a little more enthusiasm that the word needed but it felt right. I waited for her to continue whatever she was saying before she noticing I wasn’t paying attention, but she didn’t. I could feel her wait for me to say something, I didn’t know what she wanted from me so didn’t start.
“Really Addie?”
“Really Addie… what?”
“ Do I have to spell it out for you? What’s going on?”
“ I don’t know what your talking about.”
“’I have a lot on my mind lately’” her attempt to mimic my voice was pathetic and I would have said that, but she didn’t let me cut through her speech. “that’s what I’m talking about. I’m your friend and I want to help you but if you’re not even going to try then what’s the point?” Her voice should have sound nagging but it sound more disappointed than anything else, that I couldn’t tell her what was bugging me this badly. I didn’t want her to leave, I didn’t want to be alone.
“My brother called yesterday… but I wasn’t there. He gave my aunt his number so I could call him back-”
“ you mean Chase your brother that you haven’t seen in… God knows how long? What did you guys talk about?” Her words were rushed, her voice higher than her normal pitch.
“We didn’t. I never called back.”
“Why in the heck wouldn’t you call him back? I thought you missed him?”
“Kate I do…” my throat became dry I haven’t told anyone how much I missed him, but even acknowledging it out loud made me realize how painfully I wish to see him. I knew there was a price to pay just to hear his voice. My heart? My mind? Both are already broken would it take losing both to get that wish? “I’m afraid in the disappointment it might bring. I’m afraid that I will build my hopes up and have them be knocked down… I can’t handle that right now I think that would finally brake me.” my voice sound tired and unfamiliar even to my own ears.
“Oh Addie I’m so sorry. I didn’t know” her lips were hard against each other, and I knew she was truly sorry.
“Its okay. I just don’t want to talk about it anymore.” she nodded swiftly but said nothing more. I didn’t know how much time had past until I finally said something.
“So what were you talking about before I stated drifting off?” I did want to know what she had to say. Form the way she was talking it sounded exiting and I wanted to drowned out the feelings that have been stabbing me at my side. She looked at me with a huge grin showing off the front teeth, and eye growing wide.
“ I was talking about the new boy.” she said new boy as if he was the only boy that mattered “Oh my gosh Addie he is so hot! I think I have fallen in love!” Her eyes were close and her face genital as if she was making a wish. But this was normal behavior for Kate, she falls in and out of love three or four times a week so I was use to her declaring her heart to anyone. Even someone she has only known for one day.
“What’s his name?” I push, wanting to figure out the puzzle that is Kate and how she can possibly fall in love with some she didn’t know. This was the only thing about Kate that truly made me see how different we were. She couldn’t stop loving and I could never start.
“ um about that… I don’t know yet” she smiled a shy smile barley looking at me. Wow this was knew, even before she at lest knew the guys name. It’s like this… disease was getting worse as time pass, I wonder if it’s curable or contagious. I couldn’t help and make a disgusted sound it escaped my lips before I could stop it from exiting. She glared at me now.
“ You don’t know him-” I cut her off before she finished
“Neither do you.” I pointed out “Well at least I’ve seen him!”
“ loving someone should be more what they look like there’s more to it than that.” I said lowering my voice at the end “What more? Oh tell me, wise and powerful love guru .” her voice was cruel and didn’t should like it belonged to her. I didn’t like it. We were quite again, but this time the silence left a sharp and bitter-sweet taste on my tongue.
“I’m sorry Kate I just don’t understand how you can say you have fallen love with someone… someone who’s name you don’t even know.”
“Addie we have had the same conversation before.” she said tiredly as if she was explaining this to a child.
“Yes we have and I still don’t understand how…” she didn’t even let me finish before she stared talking again
“ you’ll understand when your older” she smiled smugly touching her eyes “how amazing falling in love can be.”
“ How can I take advise from a crazy person.” I smile teasingly
“ Sticks and stones Addie sticks and stones.” her voice was
childish as she suck her tongue out at me. I couldn’t help but laugh at her even though just a few words ago I wasn’t in the same mood. But Kate has that effect on me, and I couldn’t see the point of arguing with her, always being in love was part of who she was and I would never ask her to change she was a package deal.
“Okay, fine lets stop talking about anything that would cause me to want to call you crazy…deal?”
“ Wait one more thing” she gave me a look that told me that I wasn’t going to like what she was going to say next. I held my breath I don’t even know why but I couldn’t help it. Her smile was giving me goose bumps. The last time she gave me that look we got lost in a city I haven’t been at before, leaving us to ask for direction from creepy stranger.
“ whatever it is, no!” I quickly added before she could manipulate me to saying yes. Her lower lip puckered in to a pout her eyebrows buckled in the middle, she was giving my the puppy dog pout knowing it was hard for me to say no to her.


Your not here but I feel you.
You can’t speak but I hear you.
Your far gone but I still miss you.

I held my knees tight against my chest rocking my body to the melody that has been play in my head since I entered my garden. As if I would wake up at any moment from this nightmare I was force to live in. My garden always felt more like a dream to me. With it trees so green and tall, it’s branches reaching for the sun as if they were alive. The sun was always brighter here. As if it knew that this place needed it’s light. Somehow it knows there is a girl inside this garden who needed it warmth.
I pushed my headphones on, turning up the volume on my ipod louder than what was comfortable, but that was better than thinking. I let the heavy music pound way all the things that were just on my mind a few moments ago.
I grabbed my backpack for my calculus binder. So I could finally start on my homework. I looked at the problems for just a second and pushed it way. Didn’t they teach us that math was with numbers in first or second grade, if that was true then why the heck is there more letters than numbers. It’s not that I m not good in math I’m passing with a B it’s just that it doesn’t come as naturally as English or History. I actually have to try my best to pass this class, I actually have to study for the tests and take notes just to understand. And aunt Jen not the best help with my math problems no pun intended. Don’t get me wrong she tries but it always ends up being unsolved and leaving me with a headache.
These few day the woods felt different in the way the light from the sun seem to shine even when clouds covered the sky. I didn’t want to be alone anymore I wanted to share my paradise with someone. Anyone. My heart longed for something. This paradise is my sanctuary a place