The College of Tears by Stanley Mungai (red white royal blue txt) 📕

all the stars in heaven that she had not changed her mind about the venue. He had dismissed the idea of both of their rooms. He roommate Katrina would feel very uncomfortable. In his room, Sayona would be there reciting the entire balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet at the sight of them. Soili noticed that he was sweating even in the chill of the Kenyan highlands and he dismissed the idea of wearing a jacket.

“Isn’t it cold outside?” She asked when he came into her room without knocking.

“Are you two going somewhere?” Katrina asked.

“Just taking a walk down the ais……I mean down the campus.” Soili replied.

Haizec fidgeted at the idea of walking down the Aisle. Soili smiled at her and smirked, “No Katrina, it isn’t cold. There is a nice weather for taking a walk really.”

He could see the tension in her eyes. Normally, she would get all cheeky at such kind of a topic but tonight, she didn’t smile at it. She didn’t even look at him directly. There seemed to be something she was looking at above his head any time she pretended to be looking at him. Her eyes looked as if she would cry but even Soili was not expecting that. He had noticed how much pain this lady could take without shedding a tear. He had always mused that she cried through the nose. If she blew her nose several times amidst a conflict, he always knew that she was crying.

The last time he had rushed her to a hospital in the middle of the night in much pain, she had done a lot of groaning and complaining but never even once crying. Blowing her nose of course a zillion times by the time he lost count. He cried a lot of times for the period that she was in hospital. Even that night at the hospital, he would find tears on his face and would have to hide and dry lest she caught him. He had spent a whole sleepless night in his room crying asking God to remove the cup of suffering from her and at least give it to him. He would not have minded suffering on her behalf. He loved her that much. This proposal would not change a thing. The tears he had cried over her would be all history by the time he slept tonight. If anything, they could only be replaced by tears of joy.

He remembered that he had seen her tears once. The day he had been taken by a powerful migraine and she and a few friends had to rush her to the hospital. He had seen her amidst the confusion cry. That was the only time he had seen her tears. If she could cry over him and not herself, tonight would be a walkover. He had however noticed the way with the girls. However eager they were about getting hooked to you, they never said ‘yes’ in the first approach. They would come up with all sorts of excuses like that one about seeking the face of the Lord. How he hated that one because of the way it worked with Sirodi.

“You’d rather get yourself something warm.” Haizec said when they stepped into the cold night.

“Am fine my dear.” Soili said, going ahead to give a detailed account of how his body reacted to warm clothing. He said it made him inactive. A few people greeted them suspiciously as they made their way across the abandoned car park into the dark field. The grass had been touched by slight dew and it gave Soili the first chill and he shivered. He knew that even though he had declined to wear a jacket, he would feel the biting chill on his short-sleeved shirt and his bare face. Haizec Kai had put on a heavy fur jacket that made her appear like an African Eskimo stepping out of an igloo. He wondered whether it was all that cold or she was just hiding her anxiety behind the soft artificial fur.

He suggested that they do the talking as they walked around the field but she declined. He knew that she had spent a long day and would be tired but his optimistic mind told him that she was just eager to hear the proposal that she had probably waited for months. He only wanted the comfort of walking; his confidence would be boosted by walking. Sitting down would be too formal and he wouldn’t like it. More than any other time, he did not want to start an argument tonight and so he agreed to almost anything she said. He wanted to score as much points as he could. He had always known that he wasn’t a coward with this kind of thing. He just wanted to take his time and talk from deep within himself. All the same, he did not want it to turn so mechanical.

He agreed to some two old and abandoned seats at a corner in the field. He shivered despite himself and he noticed that even when he spoke, there was a quiver in his voice. He cursed again and again. “You were right. I should have brought something warm but I’ll pull through.” He said between clenched teeth. He did not want her to start having the obnoxious idea that he was shivering from fear or anxiety though he had detected it far off. They chatted first about nothing in particular. He knew when to bring in the proposal. He had stupidly rehearsed alone including the responses and he was sure she had rehearsed too. He therefore knew that tonight would be just drama and reality would hit a few days, weeks, months, or years later after this Thursday night. He found himself wondering whether pastor Jeremiah had said something about that when he realized that he must have walked out of the session before then.

“Like I said, we came to talk about us.” He said and silently cursed his shaking voice. If she had allowed him, he would have rushed to his room just to get a corner of his leather jacket. But who would want to appear like a deserter especially at this point of the conversation. She did not look up. “Haizec Kai, we have come a long way as friends and I fell it’s time we got close to each other’s heart.”

“You have always been close to my heart Soili. Are you saying I have failed?” she asked looking up for the first time. Why did she think he had overlooked that kind of defence?

“True my dear, we have been close to each other’s heart, but in this cold,” he said feigning more chill than there was, “I won’t mind getting inside your heart dear.”

“Ok, go on Soili.”

His heart fell only when he had started celebrating his few seconds of victory. He wanted a dialogue and he wasn’t prepared for the monologue she was getting him into. But he would not give her the advantage; he would get into the monologue and do it well. He delved into the feelings he had for her and she acknowledged. He dared not venture into the things he had done for her. He had decided during the rehearsal to skip that bit as he was sure that she would bring it up herself. He had buried a landmine there and the moment she stepped on it, it would explode all on her face.

He told it in details the reasons he thought they should get into that relationship including the fact that he had waited for it for over a year. Haizec Kai had done her homework well. She took the stage and started showering all kinds of praises on Soili touching on his character. He felt on the top of the world but knew that it could be turned upside down by a single ‘but’. He still however wanted her to go into the things he had done for her-the Landmine. And she did. She went over some of which even Soili had forgotten and for a moment, he wondered whether she kept a record diary of the things he had done for her. “I do not know how to repay all the show of kindness and love Soili.” She concluded. It was the time for the landmine to explode.

“Oh dear, dear, do not put these things I’ve done into consideration. I’ve actually forgotten most of them.” The latter was true but the former was a lie. The landmine explosion. “I’ve done those things and will continue to do them not for love, but in the name of love, so don’t mention it.” It caught well and she blushed.

The preamble was done and he wished to know whether she agreed to his proposal. “I do not know how to say this or even know how you will take it Soili.” He fidgeted and despite the cold, he noticed that he was sweating again. He was ready for anything. He just hoped it had nothing to do with ‘seeking the face of the Lord’. How a lot of times we use the name of God in vain and he warned us against it in the Ten Commandments. If God wanted to be liberal, he would have given us the Ten Suggestions.

“Go on sweetheart, the choice is entirely yours.” He affirmed.

“It is hard Soili especially after you have waited for a year.”

His heart jumped in his chest cavity. He felt a hollow in his stomach and he expected his heart to plummet into this void. He promised himself that he would not show the shock he had gotten. He knew her answer before she said it. “Go on Haizec Kai, Like I said, I had exploited all the consequences before I asked you.”

“I am in love with someone else.” She said openly and frankly.

Who allowed Haizec Kai to use nuclear war-heads while poor Soili was busy setting up landmines? He muted the ‘huh’ that escaped from his now open mouth. He promised himself for the hundredth time to keep calm. His heart was pounding heavily on his chest and he was afraid the front of his shirt was bouncing up and down for the whole world to see. He even checked. “Oh really?” he asked in a voice that was calmer than any he had used that night that even Kai looked up. He had even stopped shivering from the chill. “Go on, tell me about him.” He urged.

She was now staring at him in fixed incredulity. Her eyes seemed o pop out from her fur coat. She was checking his reaction and finding none. She went ahead to describe the guy she was in love with declining to mention his name even with Soili’s insisting. This was more to tell him that this was no ‘seeking the face of the Lord’. The answer was one that carried some rigid finality. “I am sorry Soili”. She concluded.

“No need to be my dear, can we take a walk around the field?” he asked.

“Just once”. She agreed. He would tell his conclusion then. He tried to get the name of the guy who fitted the description but he gave up. He just recalled how he told Sayona when he caught Sirodi kissing a lecturer, “I will burn his wrinkled ass.” He had said. Sayona had rebuked him for such strong language and even reminded him that he had given his life to Jesus and he had quickly corrected himself; “I will apply heat to his aging fundament.”

Even as they walked on the field silently, he was deciding what to do with this other guy that Haizec Kai claimed she was in love with. How come he had never noticed anyone close to Kai? From the description she had given him, he must have been a nice dude. Something told him that he knew the dude and that was why Kai had withheld the name.

“I am sorry Soili.” She repeated.

“It is Ok Haizec Kai”