Just Friends by Madison Butt (recommended ebook reader TXT) 📕

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I hope someday I'll be able to forgive myself for what I did. Fall asleep. What was I thinking? As I walk out of shop class, I see Luis. Great. Another bad choice. I smile at Luis. 

"What's wrong Jo?" Luis says as if he's sadded by what I look like. I groan. I don't like when he asks me that. It's like he cares about me again. I miss that. I miss him. 

"I'm good. Trust me." I smile again. His face becomes crooked. 

"I don't believe you. You're too . . . too . . . beautiful to look like that." He hugs me. I hug him back tightly and I start crying in his arms. I miss being called beautiful. I miss being with him. I miss having a chance with Carson. With Daniel. I'm too late. I'm always too late. 

"Luis" I whisper under my breath.

"Yeah Jo?"

"I miss you. I love you. I always will. Even if we're just friends. I'll love you as a friend. As a best friend." I pull away and kiss him. So passionately. This is the first time I've seen him all year. I miss this. I love him. I really do. I might. I don't know. I just don't know. 

      Luis pulls away and I come back in and he just sinks into the kiss with me. I grab him by the collar and slide my hands down his neck. My fingers feeling his hair and below his collar bone. As Luis is kissing me, he pulls me into the bathroom. Hopefully no one is there. We go up against a wall. He feels up my shirt. Just like he used to. This doesn't feel bad. It feels regular. I hear the door creak open. I don't care. I just focus on taking off Luis's clothes. I shove him off into the bathroom stall and start unbuttoning his shirt. I kiss him down his neck. He flips me over and -- and -- someone walks in. 

"Josie? Josie?" I hear a familiar voice say. "Josie! Wake up Josie!" I open my eyes. 

"God Dammit." I say in a pissed off tone. 

"Um, sweetheart you can't use that kind of language in this house." My mother says. I look up at my ceiling. I can't wait to undo everything that this room has to offer. Tear off this green wallpaper. Put some fresh floors up here. 

"K mom. I love you, but I have to ask you a question." I say.

"What is it darling?"

"Can you please get out? I have a lot to process." 

"But--darling." My mom says, startled.

"Please mom. Please. I want to take advantage of my Saturday." I roll over on my pillow.

"Fine. I just wanted to discuss why you were moaning so lound while you were sleeping, but I guess that's just between you and yourself." My mom slams the door. Moaning? I wasn't moaning? Was I? Not in my dream. Dream. What a dream. Oh my, Luis and I never got that far in our relationship. After two years. Wow. 

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 Luis walks up to me after math class and I clasp my fingers in between his. Luis pulls away.

"Um, what are you doing, Josie?" He asks.

"Just . . . please? I just need someone to be there for me right now. And considering that I've known you the longest, I just want you to be there for me right now." I explain. Luis intertwines his fingers into my fingers. It's nice holding someones hands. I haven't done it in so long. 

"Luis, can I tell you something?" I stop and look at him. Luis stops and looks at me 

"Yeah Jo?" He clenches his hand. I decide to tell him what I told him in my dream. I want him to know the truth. Even if I don't kiss him, he'll still be my friend. I hope. 

"I just want to let you know that I love you. With all my heart. I love you. You're my friend, my best friend. Even if we're not dating, I want you to know that I will always love you and I'll always be here for you." I grab both of his hands because he looks shocked. 

"Wow -- um . . . I don't know what to say to that Jo." Luis responds. "I love you too, but, maybe just as a best friend. We dated for 2 years and it broke my heart to see you leave. Especially because you didn't even say goodbye." Luis looks up to the ceiling. He throws my hands out of his.

"What? I didn't say goodbye?" I shake my head. Luis starts walking. I catch up. "I said goodbye. I know this because I started crying that night for hours. I didn't want a long distance relationship so I had to break up with you because we would never see each other again." I blink and tears start coming out. 

"See? You only broke up with me. The next day, I didn't know where you were because I wanted to talk about it. I couldn't find you so I had to ask around what was wrong with you. Because I loved you. I loved you so much. I wanted to tell you but the day I wanted to, you broke up with me. I was broken. I thought I could never love again. Until the new girl came. Her name was Mandy and she was beautiful. But she'll never compare to how beautiful you were. I said goodbye to her. Because I loved her. Because I cared about her." Luis explains.

"Luis I --" I start

"No. I can't explain how sad I was. I was so mad too. I thought of what I could've done to make you upset with me." Luis walks off. 

             Well, that didn't go as planned. I thought he'd love me back. But in the beginning he said he did. Oh my, I can't believe I never said goodbye. My best friends had to tell him. I can't imagine how he must have felt. It's so crazy you know? I told Luis I loved him, I get this reaction. I fall asleep when Carson tells me something very important about our relationship, and Daniel has a girlfriend. What a life.  

When I'm on my way to the bus, I drag my bag across the hallways. Leila catches up with me. "Hey Josie! What's got you so down in the dumps? Is it because you have every guy wrapped around your finger?" She giggles. 

"What? I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention. What'd you say?" I answer.

"You have everyone wrapped around your finger Jo. Why are you so down in the dumps?" She looks at me.

"What?? No I don't what the hell . . . At least no one that I like." I look down. "No one likes me like I like them. Maybe I just need to stop trying, you know?" I look up at her sympathetically. Leila nudges me. 

"No, silly! Just widen your horizons!!" She says. 

"I don't feel like it I've tried so hard to get this one boy. I'm focusing on him. No more hoeing around for me!" I walk on to the bus.

I take my seat near the back but closer to the front because I don't want to sit back there today. And I'm also testing to see what Daniel will do. Deep down, I hope he'll sit near me because my whole world is falling apart and I just need a friend. So as I took my seat to the back, I watch Daniel as he follows some of his friends towards the middle. Great. 

 So this is what I'm gonna call an ending so far, that's basically when I take a break from this for about like a weekend (or at most a couple months). I work on my book during school days, so everytime I finish doing something, you'll see this message :)

Publication Date: 11-12-2015

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