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"Just have a little more patience, I promise I’m almost there."
Kira swallowed her next words to let him continue and looked back out toward the ocean. The constant churn of the waves, the monotonous pushing and receding of the water, helped her maintain a sense of calm, something she figured she would need as he went on.
"Amongst ourselves, there is debate about how vampires, and therefore ourselves in response to vampires, evolved. Many believe vampires were sent by Satan after his fall from heaven to take over God's creations on earth. They think that we were God’s response—that we are heavenly avengers meant to kill the evil and rid the earth of them. They call themselves Punishers. Many others think vampires evolved like parasites, a virus that needs a host and changes the human body for its own survival. They think there is something human, something redeemable within the creature, and therefore swear not to kill, but only to harm a vampire if it attacks a human. These conduits believe they naturally evolved as nature’s response to the parasite and call themselves the Protectors.
"This debate, this question of purpose, has been around as long as history can remember. It caused a huge split in the conduits, and separate species, if you will, formed because of it. Punishers practiced only killing and sprouted red hair that myth says is a sign of their inner anger. Eventually, they lost the ability to use the light only in defense and became killing machines. Protectors practiced only defensive tactics and developed almost white hair, as a reflection of the purity they see deep within a vampire’s soul. They lost the ability to kill."
"And you’re a Protector?" Kira asked, trying to follow along and knowing that Luke’s blonde hair marked him as such. He nodded. "But I’m…neither?" She still didn’t understand, thinking of her own strawberry blonde tresses. She didn’t fit either category.
"Never in the history of both our people have the Punishers and Protectors been able to have children. It's been forbidden, because there is something else I haven’t mentioned yet. Vampires can become immune to us."
"I don’t understand. I thought we were some super race created to stop them." Kira gripped the pier’s wooden railing as dread formed in the back of her mind. She was different somehow, and it couldn’t be good.
"In a way, but then we would be all powerful over them. There’s always a catch, and it’s another reason the two races split. If a vampire drinks the blood of a conduit, he or she becomes immune until the blood leaves their system, which varies depending on the amount taken. If a vampire drinks a Punisher, he becomes immune to their killing light and could theoretically move from Punisher to Punisher, killing each and becoming stronger with each kill. It’s too dangerous to even imagine. So, when the debate began, the sides decided to split—not only to harvest different powers, but to make sure no vampire could become immune to both powers at the same time, which would mean he or she could wipe out both races. If a Protector gets caught, Punishers must be able to kill the vampire responsible. And if a Punisher gets caught, Protectors need to trap the vampire until the blood leaves his system. Otherwise, vampires could become unstoppable. It would be chaos—"
"Which is where I come in?" She interrupted. Luke’s look told her she had guessed right, and Kira tried to figure out what she was. "I’m a child of both races? I can aim to kill or to harm?"
Luke nodded.
"And I’m forbidden to exist?"
Luke nodded again.
"I could mean the end of the world?"
Luke looked away from her this time, and tears formed in her eyes again.
"Am I evil…like them?"
"No, god no, Kira." Luke pulled her in to his arms, so she was smushed against his chest, and they sat for a while as she tried to absorb all of this new information. She was a thing of good but could also mean the end of the world. So why had they even let her live? Why hadn’t they forced her mom to have an abortion as soon as they found out? Kira thought of her mother and father—they didn’t seem like rule breakers. Her mother’s sweet red hair, her father’s rather dull brown—
Brown? She thought. Had he dyed it? But her sister’s hair was brown too. Was he not really her father?
"Luke? Do you know about my parents?" She looked up from the spot on his chest she had been crying into.
"Are you sure you want to hear everything right now?" He looked down at her with concern, and Kira tried to swallow the choke in her throat. The fact that he hadn’t said no meant she had been on the right track. Her whole life was changing in one afternoon—was she ready for more?
"Yes, I have to." Kira nodded into his wet T-shirt.
"I’m so sorry I have to be the one, but, Kira, well, the person you think is your mother is really your aunt by blood, and the man you think is your father is really your uncle."
She looked at him with blank eyes, empty inside. Her entire life had been a lie. She felt as though reality were sand slipping through her hands, like someone had played an evil trick and was suddenly showing all of his cards before the game was over. Kira moved away from Luke, to the other side of the bench and hugged her knees to her chest. She tried to let her tears fall as silently as possible, knowing she couldn’t tune Luke out even if she wanted to.
Kira looked over at him before he continued, saw the hurt in his eyes for her—his eyes that were so like her own, a hint of green engulfed by yellow and orange swirls flecked with red. He was good, unquestionably. Though, she had always known that. The twinkle in his eye when he made someone laugh was enough to show that he only cared about spreading joy, and he had only ever been a best friend to her. Even if everything was changing, she knew she would have him to rely on. She nodded to him to keep talking.
"Your real mom was one of my people, a Protector, and your father was a Punisher. They secretly fell in love and ran away together when they were found out. Your mother had you in secret and when you were discovered, your father’s people wanted to kill you for being an abomination, but mine took pity because you were innocent, and we promised to watch over you. Your aunt, as your only blood relative, watched over you when you were young, but when you moved to New York, we set up parameters and guardians. When you were fifteen, you started sneaking out with friends and becoming reckless, so we had to send someone in…"
"Cy? My first boyfriend?" She guessed, remembering how she had thought Luke looked like him the first day of school. She thought of how Cy had been overprotective and always called her. It hadn’t been for love at all. For all she knew he never even liked her. Her first kiss was a complete sham. It stung more than Kira realized it would. "And then I moved here, somewhere where vampires went to my school and my mother, sorry, my aunt couldn’t watch me all the time, and you…"
Luke nodded.
She couldn’t talk about her family anymore, not with Luke, not as though her life were some textbook story he had had to study and memorize. "I need a break, I can’t do this anymore right now. I’ll talk to my…aunt later. It’s just too much."
Kira looked at Luke, really looked at his features, and wondered if her mother would have looked like him. Did her real mother have the same sun-bleached hair and fiery eyes? The same warm compassion? Was she alive or dead? Mostly, what Kira wanted to know was why neither of her parents had ever come looking for her. If her father was a Punisher, was he only full of anger or did he love too? Did either of them love Kira, or was she just a mistake that never should have been allowed to survive?
Kira stood and walked to the pier’s railing. Her mind was more tumultuous than the waters below her. She almost felt that if she jumped in right now, it would calm her to be pushed around a bit, that it would show her that the world continued on despite the madness in her brain. But those thoughts just made her think of Tristan, who wouldn’t be there to save her if she got overpowered by the ocean again. Kira couldn’t think of him yet. It was too much to think that the boy you had maybe started to love was really evil. Not just a bad boy, but actually a monster.
"I wanted to tell you," Luke said from behind her, and she was happy to have him interrupt her thoughts. "A thousand times I wanted to tell you, but I took an oath. You had to discover your powers on your own. I wasn’t allowed to tell you about anything in case the mix of Punisher and Protector canceled each other out and left you just a normal human girl. When I saw your eyes, I knew it couldn’t be true. I knew you weren’t a dud, and that you were incredibly strong. But still, I had to be idle. I know I may joke a lot and break some of the school rules, but there are some rules I know I can't test."
"I wish you had," she said, speaking to the ocean because she couldn’t turn and look him in the face.
"I know."
"But I understand why you didn’t." Kira still spoke to the wind. Knowing his intentions helped, but she still couldn’t get rid of the small sting of betrayal.
"Really?"
She heard the creek of wooden planks as Luke stood up from the bench and moved right behind her, like he needed to be closer to Kira to believe she really meant her words.
"I know you and I know you’re good. You hoped there was a chance I wasn’t supposed to be in this world where vampires and conduits exist, and that there was a chance you wouldn't have to be the one to turn my reality upside down."
"Can you forgive me?" Luke reached to put his hand over the one she had rested on the rail. Kira tried to smile, but couldn’t. Instead, she squeezed his hand in her own, trusting he would understand what it meant, and finally met his sad, puppy-dog eyes. Luke pulled her into his chest for another hug. "I’m still your best friend even if everything else has changed. I promise, that was never contrived."
She nodded against his body, not wanting to move from his comforting embrace. He was telling her the truth, and Kira knew she needed him. She needed someone she could trust completely and someone who could help her survive whatever journey her life had just turned into.
"Can we leave the Tristan talk for another time? I know you’re curious, but I just can’t."
"Of course."
"Luke, I can't go home yet. I can't face it. When I see my parents, it’ll all become real. When I look at their faces for the first time and don’t see a family resemblance…" Kira cut off, trying to choke back the sob that had risen in her throat.
"Come on." He tugged on her hand, pulling her from the rail back toward the beach. "Let’s grab some ice cream. You can stay on my couch for the night."
"Your parents won’t mind?"
"Kira…I’m your guardian. I’m twenty, and I live alone. I’m only pretending to be in high school."
"Oh." She shut up. One more surprise might send her over the edge. There was only so much a girl could endure before the fake calmness wore off and all the feelings she had pushed down bubbled back up to the surface.
They walked down the boardwalk holding hands, and Kira relished the contact. She thought it darkly humorous that passersby might think they were sweethearts. How many people had she walked past who were secretly watching her and guarding her? She bet she had passed vampires before and had never looked twice, never even dreamed something like this could be true.
Luke bought them two ice cream cones, and Kira listened as he spoke of trivial things like Miles’ school craze and class assignments. She knew he was just providing background noise, that he knew she was lost in her own thoughts. He didn’t try to intrude. He just tried
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