Fallen Dreams by Elaine Brown (best english books to read TXT) 📕

where I had worried that he had been killed; every thought and feeling is being magnified in my minds eye. After what seems like forever but was probably no more than a few minutes at the most, he relaxes, muscles fluid instead of rigid. A strange sigh escapes his lips as he wraps one arm around me and holds us up with the other. It seems strange because it is not quite an exasperated sound, and his voice holds only the slightest tone of tiredness; I’m not sure what to make of it.
After a while, I regain at least a bit of my composure and it slowly settles in that I should have nothing to do with this person, let alone be turning to him for comfort. The thought startles me, but something inside me knows that it is the truth; I should not involve myself with this person. Not anymore, not after the day that he had disappeared. Somehow I knew that he was dangerous.
Shivering, I push him away roughly, surprising him and causing him to land splayed on the grass beside me. I roll to my feet, nearly losing my balance, but I regain my footing as I begin running once more. I am almost to the edge of town when I dare to glance back; there is an impression in the grass where he had lain, but Shawn was no where to be found. My eyes widen; where could he have gotten to so quickly? Suddenly I slam into something hard, nearly falling to the ground once more as strong arms catch me, holding me up. My head is spinning and I look up into the heartbreakingly familiar face once more. Before the dark eyes go blank, I catch a small, pained look; a vulnerable look. It takes all my self control not to feel sorry for him and try to comfort him like we are still best friends.
I stagger back, away from his arms. He is faster and stronger; there is no chance of escape. We do not meet each others eyes, and his voice is soft when he says, “Please listen. You don’t trust me, I understand that. We’ve both changed. But please believe me when I say that you’ll get hurt if you stay here.” Suddenly his eyes are wide again and he does not quite manage to hide the fear in his voice. “You’ve forced his hand, he says; he’s always muttering, says you have to pay. Please, go, don’t look back, get as far away from him as possible and don’t let him know where you are.”
He looks so vulnerable, more like the old Shawn than he has this entire strange encounter; his hand comes up to cover his face and he turns his head away from me. The old Orin still wishes to comfort the old Shawn. I pull his hand away from his face and turn his head, forcing him to look at me. I can feel myself searching his eyes, though I make no conscious decision to do so. “Who are you talking about?”
His rigid expression softens, but his eyes go blank again; he has regained control over himself. He shakes his head once, tersely. Either he can’t or won’t tell me; once I would have been able to tell which. I sigh, and drop my hands, the new Orin once more. The old me would have blanched at the thought of hurting him. The new me was about to do so purposefully, to force on him the same pain he had caused me. “You’re telling me to leave? Well, I won’t. You want to know something? It’s because

I

still belong here. You don’t have a place here anymore, Shay,” I put as much sarcasm into the name as I am able; “You could

never

belong in my life anymore.”
If he did not command such amazing, new control over himself, I could tell he would have flinched. Slowly, I process my own words, as he processes them, and I shock myself; we stand in silence. Softly, he curses under his breath, and this angers me; I do not need any more reminders that my best friend is gone. “You could never see it, Orin, and you still can’t.”
This strange statement strikes a nerve. I resist the urge to swear back at him. “What the heck is that supposed to mean?”
He clenches his fists and for a short moment I am frightened that he is going to strike me. “You could never see the way people see you, Orin! The way

everyone

you meet loves you, the way

everyone

looks up to you! Do you know the kinds of things they say about you when you’re not around?! Have you never noticed the way every god—“ I bleep him out in my mind, just because I refuse to be angry anymore, “idiot male in this *bleep* hole looks at you?!? EVERYONE, ORIN!!” He closes his eyes and takes several deep breaths, clenching his jaw. I take an involuntary step back.
His eyes open again and he settles me with a furious glare. “Did you ever once wonder

why

I hated my mom, ever

once

wonder how

I

felt about loving your

precious

home better than my own? My mother,” he said the word with such hate that I winced, “never once wanted me, at least not after the accident with my father and brother. You know, it’s a funny thing; I always put your feelings before my own. I guess you affected me the same way you affected everyone else. Even though it was

you

that made it so that my mother couldn’t stand the sight of me, I still couldn’t bring myself to make you feel the pain I felt every day; instead, I just learned to hate my mother. She always wanted someone like

you

for a child, not a disappointment like me. And you want to know something else,

Rin?

” I feel I am on the brink of tears again. “I still don’t hate you for it.”
My eyes widen and the tears nearly leak out; I had never heard such a speech from him before. “You think that I never cared, that I only thought about

my

feelings?! You think that I never wondered how you were feeling?!? How can you possibly say that?”
“No, Orin, I don’t think that; you were always to oblivious to what others thought of you to be that self absorbed. But then again, who am

I

to even

wonder

at the thoughts of everyone’s idol.” His face is contorted into a sneer for a split second, an unfamiliar expression on his handsome face that chips at my heart. “And don’t you

dare

feel sorry for me. You did enough of that when we were still ‘friends’. Didn’t you ever realize how I felt?” He steps forward and I shudder as he grabs my jaw tightly in one hand, eyes narrowed; he is still angry. A small sound escapes my throat without my consent, and a piece of the old Shawn flashes in his eyes; but only for a second. His voice becomes a bit softer and he pulls my face closer to his, his warm breath tickling my cheeks and lips. “Like I said, Orin.

Everyone loves you

; everyone, in one way or another.”
My eyelids are beginning to droop as his lips get closer and his warm, sweet breath begins to work its spell over me. I cannot feel the firm hold of his hand any more, just his presence. I cannot bring myself to care that this Shawn is different; at least he is alive, and at least he is near me. His smell is intoxicating, his lips are merely inches away from my own, and I could easily close the distance, even with his hand… Suddenly, he stiffens again, jerking away, leaving me breathless and unsettled. He refuses to meet my eyes as he says, “Don’t get cocky, Orin, he’s smart. Remember what I told you.” Suddenly he turns, disappearing behind the buildings.

Remember what I told you

. How can I forget?
Then the affect he had had on me when he was so close began to weigh on my mind… I did

not

want to admit to myself what I thought it must mean. But, once again, my most honest side speaks up as I fall back into the grass.

Had I fallen in love with him, before he left?

I close my eyes and let the last of my tears drain away down my cheeks. The fading light begins to create shades on the back of my eyelids, and I know that I should be heading home; why would he come back now; just to torment me? Why was he so bent on me leaving?

V

When I open my eyes again the sky is significantly darker, but I can see perfectly clearly; I must have fallen asleep.

Wait… at this time of night, it should be pitch black, the lanterns shouldn’t even be lit…

My mind is racing; something is very, extremely wrong. As my encounter with Shawn rings in my ears, I jolt to my feet and run for the top of the hill, trying to get a better vantage point so that I might see what is so terribly wrong. From the top of the hill, it is possible to see nearly the entire village, but I do not allow myself or want to stop and turn around until I can see all of it; if I were to be truly honest, I want to stall as long as possible. Slowly, carefully, I pull myself into the great oak tree; climbing higher than I had ever dared before, all the way up into the highest useable branches. Straddling the branch, I hesitantly lift my head to look out over the valley, the fields, the lake, the forest; even the Towers.
I am met with the sight of bright reds, oranges, yellows, even blues and whites, all glowing hot against the backs of my eyelids as I close my eyes; a huge, blazing fire is consuming the whole village. Though I can make out figures streaming out of the houses, I can also see that it is too late. A few of the older, more experienced men had somehow made it to the well, but even on the small, secluded patches of flame they splashed water over, it made no difference. This was no ordinary fire; it couldn’t be put out with the pathetic flow of water one well could produce, one bucket at a time.
I yearned to run down the hill to help everyone, to save the town, but it was almost as if I had become the tree; my feet were rooted to the spot, I could not move. I nearly fell from the tree from the turmoil raging within me. Not even caring for my own safety, I slid down the trunk, saving time but nearly ripping my hands and feet to shreds. The grass at the bottom of the trunk glowed so red; it was almost the color of blood. My body was no longer under my control, my mind was much too numb; all I could see was the tears that were blinding me, all I could think was panic.

Remember what I told you.

He had warned me. He knew this would happen. My feet pounded against the ground with such force that my teeth chattered wordlessly. My body shook so much that I could barely stand. I stumbled, pitching into the tall grass with a painful thud, and I rolled far past the point that I was dizzy. My thoughts were suddenly cleared as I fell into the chilled embrace of freezing water. The lake. The only safe place from the fire.
The