Bin To Earth by Matt Woods (most romantic novels .txt) 📕
Excerpt from the book:
A story about a flirtatious witch, a zombie who inadvertently swears, a hobgoblin who likes Postman Pat vans and may other intriguing characters.
Imagine standing by the salad bar in your local supermarket and spotting a headless man feasting at the delights on offer. Ponder over how you'd re-act if during your maths class a ghost, witch and banshee turn up to take part in your lesson. Contemplate how you'd feel if your next candidate for a job interview was a six foot skeleton with very few of the skills required to fill the position. These are the issues the locals of Malster have to contend with when a group of 'fantasy' characters unexpectedly arrive on Earth.
Bin To Earth follows the exploits of a small group of individuals who are lured to our planet by objects they hope will change their lives forever. But how will they adjust to life in a world they know nothing about? Not only that but, where will they live? What will they eat? And who on Earth will provide them with a roof over their head whilst they try to figure out a way of returning 'home'?
If you fancy a light, humorous, entertaining and at times, silly read, then hopefully Bin To Earth will satisfy your reading requirements. Thanks.
Imagine standing by the salad bar in your local supermarket and spotting a headless man feasting at the delights on offer. Ponder over how you'd re-act if during your maths class a ghost, witch and banshee turn up to take part in your lesson. Contemplate how you'd feel if your next candidate for a job interview was a six foot skeleton with very few of the skills required to fill the position. These are the issues the locals of Malster have to contend with when a group of 'fantasy' characters unexpectedly arrive on Earth.
Bin To Earth follows the exploits of a small group of individuals who are lured to our planet by objects they hope will change their lives forever. But how will they adjust to life in a world they know nothing about? Not only that but, where will they live? What will they eat? And who on Earth will provide them with a roof over their head whilst they try to figure out a way of returning 'home'?
If you fancy a light, humorous, entertaining and at times, silly read, then hopefully Bin To Earth will satisfy your reading requirements. Thanks.
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- Author: Matt Woods
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the time Grunt had said his piece, the unhappy couple or the disgruntled group would have pretty much forgotten what was bothering them in the first place! Having built up a sound reputation as a peacemaker on Elzac, creatures therefore never found it strange when Grunt interjected to try and resolve their issues.
Grunt forgot he wasn’t on Elzac!
Pulling his chair across to the disgruntled couples table, Grunt folds his arms, leans back, and, with a smile on his face, looks at the now thoroughly bemused pair!
“I hope you don’t me butting in.” begins Grunt, with a distinct hush to his voice, experience telling him it was always best to resolve difficulties without drawing too much attention to yourself! “But I couldn’t help overhearing that you’ve both found your lasagne not to be as warm as you would like. Is that right?”
Grunt pauses to allow the middle aged couple to answer. Based on previous encounters with other folk in this store, Grunt isn’t overly surprised when the puzzled couple say absolutely nothing and just stare blankly at him!
“Thing is.” continues Grunt, dividing his eye contact evenly between them both. “The vampires no doubt have such a hard job to do, and they’re not always going to get it right. Let me just see how warm your lasagne is.”
Grunt decides the best way to gauge the temperature of the pasta dish is to stick his forefinger right into the centre of it! Aghast at what is happening, the couple just gaze transfixed at Grunt as he prods both of their lasagnes. He pulls his finger back out and gives it a good lick!
“You do have a point.” says Grunt. “It isn’t overly warm is it.” He pauses for a second. “Still, it does seem to be a very tasty dish and for that we should be grateful.”
The couple continue to stare in amazement at each other. Grunt hadn’t finished yet though!
“The other thing I heard you grumble about was that your tea was leaking from your pot when you tried to pour some out” he says, again ensuring he maintains eye contact with them both. “Now I do sympathise with you here but believe me this is a problem we have on Elzac too, and we’ve just learnt to accept there’s no point in worrying about it. There’s nothing we’ll ever be able to change the situation, so we’ve just got to crack on with our lives and realise it’s only a small amount of brew that we lose each time. If Sue the Banshee can cope with a little spillage of tea then so can the rest of us.”
The couple appear frozen to the spot. They don’t seem frightened as such, just puzzled by what this strange, yet helpful, individual was saying to them.
Sensing that he’d once again resolved a potential dispute, Grunt pats both the man and woman on their shoulders and pulls his chair back.
As he stands up, he can’t help but notice that one of the pair had purchased a scone, complete with fruit and jam. It was sitting quite temptingly on a plate on the other side of the table.
“Ooh, you don’t mind if I do, do you?” asks Grunt, gesturing towards the scone. “I could be waiting for hours round here for a vampire to come and serve me.”
Without waiting for a response, and deep down knowing he probably wasn’t going to get one, Grunt leans across the table, grabs the scone, cuts it into two halves, then chucks a dollop of cream and jam inside. Putting the two halves together, he takes a huge bite!
“Mmmmm…That’s absolutely gorgeous” says Grunt, his mouth full of his favourite snack. It wasn’t going to put him off talking though. “I do have to say the service around here isn’t anything like as good on Elzac. They need to recruit a few more vampires me thinks.”
Cramming the last of the scone into his mouth, Grunt decides he’s now had his fill. Once again patting the bewildered pair on their shoulders, Grunt mutters a virtually inaudible goodbye then heads away from the table and out of the café. He leaves behind a couple who, moments later, snap out of their daze then burst into involuntary laughter for the next ten minutes or so!
As he heads back onto the main shop floor Grunt stops to try and figure out his next move. Although he was so far enjoying his little adventure, Grunt couldn’t hide from the fact that here he was, stuck in a land where he didn’t know anyone, and, perhaps a little more importantly, where he had no-where to live!
More questions filter through his mind, and again, answers don’t seem to be particularly forthcoming. Where would he sleep tonight for a start? It was this thought that starts to make Grunt feel a little home-sick.
He pictured his quaint little home back in Elzac; it was nothing special but it was his own pride and joy. He had a comfortable bed, a charming kitchen in which he whiled away many hours cooking his favourite hot meal, spaghetti bolognaise.
And there came another question. What was he going to eat? He had very little money on him, certainly not enough to last him until another floating bin came along that’s for sure, whenever that might be!
For the first time Grunt begins to feel a little despondent. He wonders how many adventures started off as a great deal of fun, then turn into a huge amount of misery when the novelty of the new experience wore off.
Still, he figures he isn’t going to do himself any favours by standing and moping around, so decides to cast his net wider and head out of the store. Maybe the answer to his troubles would appear to him once he ventured outside.
Stepping through the double doors Grunt exits Damfords store, ready for his first taste of outdoor life on this new and strange world he
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Grunt forgot he wasn’t on Elzac!
Pulling his chair across to the disgruntled couples table, Grunt folds his arms, leans back, and, with a smile on his face, looks at the now thoroughly bemused pair!
“I hope you don’t me butting in.” begins Grunt, with a distinct hush to his voice, experience telling him it was always best to resolve difficulties without drawing too much attention to yourself! “But I couldn’t help overhearing that you’ve both found your lasagne not to be as warm as you would like. Is that right?”
Grunt pauses to allow the middle aged couple to answer. Based on previous encounters with other folk in this store, Grunt isn’t overly surprised when the puzzled couple say absolutely nothing and just stare blankly at him!
“Thing is.” continues Grunt, dividing his eye contact evenly between them both. “The vampires no doubt have such a hard job to do, and they’re not always going to get it right. Let me just see how warm your lasagne is.”
Grunt decides the best way to gauge the temperature of the pasta dish is to stick his forefinger right into the centre of it! Aghast at what is happening, the couple just gaze transfixed at Grunt as he prods both of their lasagnes. He pulls his finger back out and gives it a good lick!
“You do have a point.” says Grunt. “It isn’t overly warm is it.” He pauses for a second. “Still, it does seem to be a very tasty dish and for that we should be grateful.”
The couple continue to stare in amazement at each other. Grunt hadn’t finished yet though!
“The other thing I heard you grumble about was that your tea was leaking from your pot when you tried to pour some out” he says, again ensuring he maintains eye contact with them both. “Now I do sympathise with you here but believe me this is a problem we have on Elzac too, and we’ve just learnt to accept there’s no point in worrying about it. There’s nothing we’ll ever be able to change the situation, so we’ve just got to crack on with our lives and realise it’s only a small amount of brew that we lose each time. If Sue the Banshee can cope with a little spillage of tea then so can the rest of us.”
The couple appear frozen to the spot. They don’t seem frightened as such, just puzzled by what this strange, yet helpful, individual was saying to them.
Sensing that he’d once again resolved a potential dispute, Grunt pats both the man and woman on their shoulders and pulls his chair back.
As he stands up, he can’t help but notice that one of the pair had purchased a scone, complete with fruit and jam. It was sitting quite temptingly on a plate on the other side of the table.
“Ooh, you don’t mind if I do, do you?” asks Grunt, gesturing towards the scone. “I could be waiting for hours round here for a vampire to come and serve me.”
Without waiting for a response, and deep down knowing he probably wasn’t going to get one, Grunt leans across the table, grabs the scone, cuts it into two halves, then chucks a dollop of cream and jam inside. Putting the two halves together, he takes a huge bite!
“Mmmmm…That’s absolutely gorgeous” says Grunt, his mouth full of his favourite snack. It wasn’t going to put him off talking though. “I do have to say the service around here isn’t anything like as good on Elzac. They need to recruit a few more vampires me thinks.”
Cramming the last of the scone into his mouth, Grunt decides he’s now had his fill. Once again patting the bewildered pair on their shoulders, Grunt mutters a virtually inaudible goodbye then heads away from the table and out of the café. He leaves behind a couple who, moments later, snap out of their daze then burst into involuntary laughter for the next ten minutes or so!
As he heads back onto the main shop floor Grunt stops to try and figure out his next move. Although he was so far enjoying his little adventure, Grunt couldn’t hide from the fact that here he was, stuck in a land where he didn’t know anyone, and, perhaps a little more importantly, where he had no-where to live!
More questions filter through his mind, and again, answers don’t seem to be particularly forthcoming. Where would he sleep tonight for a start? It was this thought that starts to make Grunt feel a little home-sick.
He pictured his quaint little home back in Elzac; it was nothing special but it was his own pride and joy. He had a comfortable bed, a charming kitchen in which he whiled away many hours cooking his favourite hot meal, spaghetti bolognaise.
And there came another question. What was he going to eat? He had very little money on him, certainly not enough to last him until another floating bin came along that’s for sure, whenever that might be!
For the first time Grunt begins to feel a little despondent. He wonders how many adventures started off as a great deal of fun, then turn into a huge amount of misery when the novelty of the new experience wore off.
Still, he figures he isn’t going to do himself any favours by standing and moping around, so decides to cast his net wider and head out of the store. Maybe the answer to his troubles would appear to him once he ventured outside.
Stepping through the double doors Grunt exits Damfords store, ready for his first taste of outdoor life on this new and strange world he
Imprint
Publication Date: 07-25-2011
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