Devereux — Volume 04 by Baron Edward Bulwer Lytton Lytton (if you give a mouse a cookie read aloud txt) 📕

to us through masculine-feminine polarities, we must find ways to allow men to be masculine and women to be feminine. Only then can we experience the thrilling tension of polarity that comes from the ensuing dance.

The Dance of the Trellis and Vine

Reflecting back to the trellis and vine allegory at the beginning of this book, have you ever observed a professional ballroom-dance couple? Notice how the male dancer resembles a trellis and the female dancer resembles a vine. The man holds the space and offers a straight structural support so that the woman can spin, twirl, turn, dip, and frolic around him. He provides the frame to show her off. He happily makes her the star, and together they are a beautiful sight. Observe the difference in their clothing and how well they complement each other. Similar to the trellis and the vine, he wears a simply structured suit, and she wears a colorful flowing dress or gown. It’s their perfect polarity that makes the dance so beautifully mesmerizing for us to watch.

Now imagine that these same two ballroom dancers were both wearing the same outfits and both trying to lead at the same time. It would be a train wreck and unappealing to watch! Healthy relationships are intended to be a dance where one leads and the other one follows. That’s why the most successful romantic relationships are based on respect for the opposite traits of the masculine and feminine essences.

Dr. Patricia Allen, author of the book Getting to ‘I Do,’ explains that in a relationship we need to determine whether we want to be the driver or the passenger. In order for a partnership to work smoothly, there can’t be two drivers. A feminine woman who prefers to be the passenger most of the time will want to attract a masculine man who prefers to be the driver most of the time. The opposite is true as well.

Gender polarity does not mean that men must always lead and women always follow. There will be times when, for a variety of reasons, it is better for the woman to lead and for the man to follow. For example, if the woman enjoys handling the bills, she can take the lead there. If the man has a passion for cooking, he can take charge in the kitchen. If they both dislike yardwork, they can hire a gardener. These kinds of details can be discussed and worked out by every couple. We don’t need “social engineers” telling couples what to do. As long as they maintain one driver and one passenger in any given area of their relationship, it has no negative impact on their inherent polarity.

Our Brains Are Different

There’s no denying that the brains of men and women differ significantly. Mother Nature designed men’s brains for focusing and hunting and women’s brains for gathering and relating. Each role requires distinct skills and abilities. For instance, women’s vision is dispersed while men’s vision is focused. We were created that way for a reason. As I mentioned before, in the past men needed laser-like vision to kill the tiger. They could not afford distractions, or they would risk being killed. Women needed good peripheral vision to gather berries and keep a watchful eye on their children at the same time.

When it comes to our biology, we haven’t changed in hundreds of thousands of years. Men are still laser focused. Today, men have adapted their focus to function effectively in the world of work and business. If they want to be successful, men can’t afford distractions. Women, on the other hand, still use their dispersed focus to observe multiple things at once. For example, at home a woman may watch her children, make dinner, and talk on the phone simultaneously. At work she may use her dispersed focus to juggle several tasks.

Different Does Not Mean Unequal

Our differences do not make us unequal. The abilities and strengths of the masculine and feminine are equal in value. Both energies are necessary for our survival and happiness. Although our identities differ, our worth is the same. Most men understand this.

Masculine men are the nuts and bolts, and feminine women are the enhancers. If you take away the masculine nuts and bolts, our infrastructure falls apart. If you take away the feminine enhancements, beauty and sensuality disappear.

As an example, both energies work as complements in the creating of a home. Men build our houses. They pour the solid foundations and install the plumbing, the electricity, the windows, and the doors. Women turn that house into a home by filling it with comfortable furnishings, colorful wall art, window coverings, and cozy touches to make it beautiful and inviting.

Masculinity and femininity are like apples and oranges. If you put apples and oranges on a scale, they would weigh about the same. They are both fruit, yet they have different shapes, colors, smells, textures, and tastes. An apple is not inherently more valuable than an orange. Each fruit has unique qualities that give it value. You can’t make orange juice from apples, and you can’t make apple pie from oranges. But if you combine them into a fruit salad, you create a wonderful medley of taste, texture, and colors. Similarly, when the masculine and feminine harmonize, we also create something delicious and interesting. Rather than working so hard to be identical, why don’t we learn to appreciate and enjoy our differences? Why don’t we use both energies to make our relationships and our society flourish?

Observing Polarity in Color Complements

One way to visualize the polarity is to take two opposite colors on a color wheel and put them next to each other. Find something in your home that’s bright blue and something else bright orange. Now, place them next to each other. Notice how they intensify, accentuate, and highlight each other. The colors actually look brighter and more exciting together than they do alone. They don’t compete with one another, nor does one outshine the other.

Observing what