The Spy by James Fenimore Cooper (free biff chip and kipper ebooks .TXT) 📕

Flatter and praise, commend, extol their graces,
Though ne’er so black, say they have angels’ faces,
That man who hath a tongue I say is no man,
If with that tongue he cannot win a woman.

—Two Gentlemen of Verona.

In making the arrangements by which Captain Lawton had been left, with Sergeant Hollister and twelve men, as a guard over the wounded, and heavy baggage of the corps, Dunwoodie had consulted not only the information which had been conveyed in the letter of Colonel Singleton, but the bruises of his comrade’s body. In vain Lawton declared himself fit for any duty that man could perform, or plainly intimated that his men would never follow Tom Mason to a charge with the alacrity and confidence with which they followed himself; his commander was firm, and the reluctant captain was compelled to comply with as good a grace as he could assume. Before parting, Dunwoodie repeated his caution to keep a watchful eye on the inmates of the cottage; and especially enjoined him, if any movements of a particularly suspicious nature were seen in the neighborhood, to break up from his present quarters, and to move down with his party, and take possession of the domains of Mr. Wharton. A vague suspicion of danger to the family had been awakened in the breast of the major, by the language of the peddler, although he was unable to refer it to any particular source, or to understand why it was to be apprehended.

For some time after the departure of the troops, the captain was walking before the door of the “Hotel,” inwardly cursing his fate, that condemned him to an inglorious idleness, at a moment when a meeting with the enemy might be expected, and replying to the occasional queries of Betty, who, from the interior of the building, ever and anon demanded, in a high tone of voice, an explanation of various passages in the peddler’s escape, which as yet she could not comprehend. At this instant he was joined by the surgeon, who had hitherto been engaged among his patients in a distant building, and was profoundly ignorant of everything that had occurred, even to the departure of the troops.

“Where are all the sentinels, John?” he inquired, as he gazed around with a look of curiosity, “and why are you here alone?”

“Off—all off, with Dunwoodie, to the river. You and I are left here to take care of a few sick men and some women.”

“I am glad, however,” said the surgeon, “that Major Dunwoodie had consideration enough not to move the wounded. Here, you Mrs. Elizabeth Flanagan, hasten with some food, that I may appease my appetite. I have a dead body to dissect and am in haste.”

“And here, you Mister Doctor Archibald Sitgreaves,” echoed Betty, showing her blooming countenance from a broken window of the kitchen, “you are ever a-coming too late; here is nothing to ate but the skin of Jenny, and the body ye’re mentioning.”

“Woman!” said the surgeon, in anger, “do you take me for a cannibal, that you address your filthy discourse to me, in this manner? I bid you hasten with such food as may be proper to be received into the stomach fasting.”

“And I’m sure it’s for a popgun that I should be taking you sooner than for a cannon ball,” said Betty, winking at the captain; “and I tell ye that it’s fasting you must be, unless ye’ll let me cook ye a steak from the skin of Jenny. The boys have ate me up intirely.”

Lawton now interfered to preserve the peace, and assured the surgeon that he had already dispatched the proper persons in quest of food for the party. A little mollified with this explanation, the operator soon forgot his hunger, and declared his intention of proceeding to business at once.

“And where is your subject?” asked Lawton.

“The peddler,” said the other, glancing a look at the signpost. “I made Hollister put a stage so high that the neck would not be dislocated by the fall, and I intend making as handsome a skeleton of him as there is in the states of North America; the fellow has good points, and his bones are well knit. I will make a perfect beauty of him. I have long been wanting something of this sort to send as a present to my old aunt in Virginia, who was so kind to me when a boy.”

“The devil!” cried Lawton. “Would you send the old woman a dead man’s bones?”

“Why not?” said the surgeon. “What nobler object is there in nature than the figure of a man—and the skeleton may be called his elementary parts. But what has been done with the body?”

“Off too.”

“Off! And who has dared to interfere with my perquisites?”

“Sure, jist the divil,” said Betty; “and who’ll be taking yeerself away some of these times too, without asking yeer lave.”

“Silence, you witch!” said Lawton, with difficulty suppressing a laugh.
“Is this the manner in which to address an officer?”

“Who called me the filthy Elizabeth Flanagan?” cried the washerwoman, snapping her fingers contemptuously. “I can remimber a frind for a year and don’t forgit an inimy for a month.”

But the friendship or enmity of Mrs. Flanagan was alike indifferent to the surgeon, who could think of nothing but his loss; and Lawton was obliged to explain to his friend the apparent manner in which it had happened.

“And a lucky escape it was for ye, my jewel of a doctor,” cried Betty, as the captain concluded. “Sargeant Hollister, who saw him face to face, as it might be, says it’s Beelzeboob, and no piddler, unless it may be in a small matter of lies and thefts, and sich wickedness. Now a pretty figure ye would have been in cutting up Beelzeboob, if the major had hanged him. I don’t think it’s very ’asy he would have been under yeer knife.”

Thus doubly disappointed in his meal and his business, Sitgreaves suddenly declared his intention of visiting the Locusts, and inquiring into the state of Captain Singleton. Lawton was ready for the excursion; and mounting, they were soon on the road, though the surgeon was obliged to submit to a few more jokes from the washerwoman, before he could get out of hearing. For some time the two rode in silence, when Lawton, perceiving that his companion’s temper was somewhat ruffled by his disappointments and Betty’s attack, made an effort to restore the tranquillity of his feelings.

“That was a charming song, Archibald, that you commenced last evening, when we were interrupted by the party that brought in the peddler,” he said. “The allusion to Galen was much to the purpose.”

“I knew you would like it, Jack, when you had got the fumes of the wine out of your head. Poetry is a respectable art, though it wants the precision of the exact sciences, and the natural beneficence of the physical. Considered in reference to the wants of life, I should define poetry as an emollient, rather than as a succulent.”

“And yet your ode was full of the meat of wit.”

“Ode is by no means a proper term for the composition; I should term it a classical ballad.”

“Very probably,” said the trooper. “Hearing only one verse, it was difficult to class the composition.”

The surgeon involuntarily hemmed, and began to clear his throat, although scarcely conscious himself to what the preparation tended. But the captain, rolling his dark eyes towards his companion, and observing him to be sitting with great uneasiness on his horse, continued,—

“The air is still, and the road solitary—why not give the remainder? It is never too late to repair a loss.”

“My dear John, if I thought it would correct the errors you have imbibed, from habit and indulgence, nothing could give me more pleasure.”

“We are fast approaching some rocks on our left; the echo will double my satisfaction.”

Thus encouraged, and somewhat impelled by the opinion that he both sang and wrote with taste, the surgeon set about complying with the request in sober earnest. Some little time was lost in clearing his throat, and getting the proper pitch of his voice; but no sooner were these two points achieved, than Lawton had the secret delight of hearing his friend commence—

“‘Hast thou ever’”—

“Hush!” interrupted the trooper. “What rustling noise is that among the rocks?”

“It must have been the rushing of the melody. A powerful voice is like the breathing of the winds.

“‘Hast thou ever’”—

“Listen!” said Lawton, stopping his horse. He had not done speaking, when a stone fell at his feet, and rolled harmlessly across the path.

“A friendly shot, that,” cried the trooper. “Neither the weapon, nor its force, implies much ill will.”

“Blows from stones seldom produce more than contusions,” said the operator, bending his gaze in every direction in vain, in quest of the hand from which the missile had been hurled. “It must be meteoric; there is no living being in sight, except ourselves.”

“It would be easy to hide a regiment behind those rocks,” returned the trooper, dismounting, and taking the stone in his hand. “Oh! here is the explanation along with the mystery.” So saying, he tore a piece of paper that had been ingeniously fastened to the small fragment of rock which had thus singularly fallen before him; and opening it, the captain read the following words, written in no very legible hand: “A musket bullet will go farther than a stone, and things more dangerous than yarbs for wounded men lie hid in the rocks of Westchester. The horse may be good, but can he mount a precipice?”

“Thou sayest the truth, strange man,” said Lawton. “Courage and activity would avail but little against assassination and these rugged passes.” Remounting his horse, he cried aloud, “Thanks, unknown friend; your caution will be remembered.”

A meager hand was extended for an instant over a rock, in the air, and afterwards nothing further was seen, or heard, in that quarter, by the soldiers.

“Quite an extraordinary interruption,” said the astonished Sitgreaves, “and a letter of very mysterious meaning.”

“Oh! ’tis nothing but the wit of some bumpkin, who thinks to frighten two of the Virginians by an artifice of this kind,” said the trooper, placing the billet in his pocket. “But let me tell you, Mr. Archibald Sitgreaves, you were wanting to dissect, just now, a damned honest fellow.”

“It was the peddler—one of the most notorious spies in the enemy’s service; and I must say that I think it would be an honor to such a man to be devoted to the uses of science.”

“He may be a spy—he must be one,” said Lawton, musing; “but he has a heart above enmity, and a soul that would honor a soldier.”

The surgeon turned a vacant eye on his companion as he uttered this soliloquy, while the penetrating looks of the trooper had already discovered another pile of rocks, which, jutting forward, nearly obstructed the highway that wound directly around its base.

“What the steed cannot mount, the foot of man can overcome,” exclaimed the wary partisan. Throwing himself