Mother's Remedies by Thomas Jefferson Ritter (positive books to read txt) 📕

becomes her social sponsor. [692 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

A first call must be returned, and within two weeks at the outside. Not to return such a call is a gross breach of etiquette. Even if one does not wish or intend to keep up the acquaintance the return call must be made. After this call she may act her pleasure. If a newcomer extends an invitation to an older resident, she should at once leave cards and send a regret or an acceptance. If the invitation comes through a friend, and she is unacquainted with the hostess, she must call soon; but if the call is not returned, or another invitation extended, she must understand the acquaintance is ended. The newcomer may invite her late hostess to some affair at her own house, and if the invitation is accepted, may understand the acquaintance is established.

A stranger often finds her social progress slow unless she has acquaintances in her new location who can help place her where she wishes to be. The easiest way is to identify herself with some church, attend regularly, and the pastor calling on the new member of his congregation and finding her acceptable, will ask some of the ladies of the church to call. These calls should be returned within two weeks; it would be a discourtesy to the pastor not to acknowledge them.

INVITATIONS.

The Formal Invitation.—A dinner-party is the most formal and most important of all social functions. We may invite all our acquaintances to a ball or a reception. We may select more carefully for our teas and luncheons, but the dinner is reserved as the greatest compliment to be paid those we wish to honor. Therefore an immediate acceptance or regret must be sent, and nothing but illness, accident or death should prevent us from presenting ourselves. If such obstacles intervene, immediate notice should be given the hostess, that she may supply the place at her table thus made vacant.

Do not write you will "try to come;" that you will come but your husband will not be able to do so, or in any way make your acceptance conditional. Your hostess may wish to invite another couple; she must know who will be present that she may arrange her table accordingly. Nothing is so annoying to a hostess as to be obliged to rearrange her table because of some slight excuse on the part of a guest who has once accepted,

Do not forget that an invitation to dinner is the highest social compliment, and value it accordingly; also answer at once.

Formulas for Invitations.

The formula for a dinner invitation is this:

               Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith
                  request the pleasure of
          Mr. and Mrs. George Brown's company at dinner,
                     127 Blank Avenue.
              on March fifteenth at seven o'clock.

This invitation may be written on note paper or engraved on a card.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 693]

The correct form of reply is this:

                Mr. and Mrs. George Brown
        accept with pleasure the polite invitation of
           Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith for dinner
             on March fifteenth, at seven o'clock.

If the dinner is in honor of guests, the formula may be:

                       To meet
            Mr. and Mrs. William Dash,
    Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith request the pleasure of
                   Miss Anderson's
                  company at dinner,
            on Wednesday, January twenty-sixth,
                  at seven o'clock.
   R. S. V. P. 91 East Ninety-fourth street.

If the invitation must be declined, this form may be observed:

                        Mr. and Mrs. Brown
           regret that owing to a previous engagement
                      they are unable to accept
                 Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith's
                     very kind invitation
               for Tuesday evening, March fifteenth.

Any other reason, as illness, proposed absence, or the like, may be substituted for a "previous engagement."

In acknowledging invitations it is better to err on the side of over-politeness than the reverse.

If a dance or theatre party is to follow the dinner, words indicating the fact are written across the lower part of the card or in the lower left-hand corner.

"R. s v. p." stands for the French phrase, "Respondez, sit vous plait,"—meaning that a reply is desired.

[694 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

Replies.—The reply to an invitation should be in the same form as the invitation; thus if in the third person the reply should also be made in the third person. Such invitations are the most formal. The reply is to be addressed according to the wording of the invitation: thus if Mr. and Mrs. John Henry Smith issue it, address the reply to them; if Mrs. John Henry Smith's name alone appears, address it to her. The same rule applies to a wedding invitation. The acknowledgement is sent to the parties issuing the invitation, not to those to be married.

Must Not Ask Invitations.—It is not allowable to ask for an invitation to a dinner, a luncheon or a card party for a guest or friend. These are functions arranged for a definite number of guests; to include another person is not possible. If your hostess knows you have a guest, she will, if her arrangements make it practicable, include her; if not, there is no slight to you or your guest. The presence of a guest does not excuse one from a dinner, luncheon or card party, the invitation having been already accepted. Provide some pleasure for your friend, or leave her to a quiet evening at home.

In case a guest drops out at the last moment, as sometimes happens, one may ask a very intimate friend, a relative, or some member of the family to fill the vacant seat. Such a "last minute" invitation is no compliment: one knows she is simply a substitute, but good sense and kindliness should prompt the recipient to help out in the dilemma, which may happen to her next time.

Other Particulars.—Dinner invitations are issued in the name of the host and hostess, so also those for luncheons to which both men and women are invited. Invitations to teas, card and garden parties, "at homes," balls, and women's luncheons are in the name of the hostess alone.

Guests should present themselves punctually at the hour named in a dinner or luncheon invitation, allowing themselves just time to remove wraps, etc., before the meal is announced. It is almost unpardonable to be late.

Invitations are sent to people in mourning after the month following bereavement, not because acceptance is expected, but as a compliment, except that cards for dinners, luncheons and balls are not sent. Wedding cards and announcements, and cards for large general receptions are sent. During the year of mourning people thus remembered send cards with a narrow black border in acknowledgment.

Unless an entertainment is exclusively for women, an invitation to a married woman should include her husband. That he is personally unknown to the hostess does not matter.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 695] INFORMAL INVITATIONS.

Invitations by telephone are permissible for informal affairs, but why a woman should spend hours at the telephone, calling up various parties and losing her temper over "Central's" dilatoriness when she could sit comfortably at her desk and write notes, is difficult to understand.

Whereas the formal luncheon invitation simply substitutes the word "luncheon" for "dinner," the informal invitation is written in the first person and requires a reply in the same form. It may be said again that the response should follow the form of the invitation; this is an invariable rule. This model is usually employed:

    My dear Mrs. Henderson:
       Will you and Mr. Henderson dine with us informally on Tuesday
    evening, January twenty-seventh, at half-past six o'clock?
    Trusting we may have the pleasure of seeing you, I am,
                                        Yours sincerely,
                                                     Mary Bronson.

In reply the recipient will write:

    My dear Mrs. Bronson:
       Mr. Henderson and I accept, with much pleasure your very kind
    invitation to dine with you on Tuesday evening, January
    twenty-seventh, at half past six o'clock.
                                        Yours sincerely,
                                                      Helen Henderson.

If the invitation is for luncheon, that word is substituted; afternoon written in the place of evening, and Mr. Henderson is left out. In an acceptance, one should repeat the date and hour, that no mistake may occur. If the invitation must be declined, it is not correct to explain the nature of the engagement or whatever reason occurs for refusal. We say we "are unable to accept," not that we "will not be able;" the refusal rests in the present.

An invitation sent by mail is enclosed in an envelope addressed to Mr. and
Mrs. A., and then in an outer envelope bearing full name and address.
Informal notes of invitation are written on one's best note-paper and no
outer envelope used.

Afternoon Tea.—The afternoon tea is a favorite method of paying off social debts. Elaborate refreshments are not served. Tea is poured at the dining table, by some friends asked to do so—it is thought quite a compliment to be asked "to pour" For a very informal "at home" the hostess may have a small table at hand and herself offer a cup of tea to her visitors. For such a small affair she sends her visiting card with the date written in the lower left hand corner. If many guests are expected servants must be at hand to remove soiled dishes and replenish the tea and cakes.

In acknowledgment of invitations, it is highly improper to send your card with "regrets" written on it. An invitation is a courtesy offered; it must be received courteously. You regret you "must decline the pleasure" of accepting somebody's "kind—or polite—invitation."

[696 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]

The Verbal Invitation.—Verbal invitations do not count for much. "Come and dine with us some day" has no standing among invitations. The day and hour must be named if it is to be reckoned with. And then—suppose the hostess forgets she has given the invitation, or she prepares for a guest who does not come! Except among very intimate friends the verbal invitation should be looked upon with great caution. A verbal invitation should be followed by a note repeating it.

WEDDING INVITATIONS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS.

The number of wedding invitations often must conform to the size of the church or the house, and to the character of the wedding. If it is to be a large one, cards are usually sent as liberally as possible. An invitation to the church may not invite to the reception at the house afterwards, which may necessarily be limited because of the size of the house or the means of the family. No guest receiving cards for the church should let herself feel aggrieved because of failure to receive the other. Answers to invitations should invariably be sent; many omit this, not thinking it necessary, but why not?

Announcement cards are sent to everyone you know, or, more properly, to all those whom you wish to recognize socially. It is quite correct to send them to people you know but slightly. They are mailed immediately after the wedding. They imply no obligation in the way of gift or reply. If an "at home" card is enclosed, calls are expected.

Correct Form.

Wedding invitations of course must be engraved. The following form is employed:

    Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence Harmon
    request the honor of your presence
    at the marriage of their daughter
              Harriet
                to
        Mr. Harrison Richard Ames
    on Thursday, the sixth of January,
         at twelve o'clock.
       Church of the Messiah.

If the wedding is at home, the street and number are given in place of the church.

[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 697]

If the bride has no mother, the invitations are issued in the name of the father; if no father, the mother's name is used. If an orphan, invitations are issued in the name of the nearest of kin in the town where the wedding occurs. If a married sister and her husband issue, the words "their sister" are used. If a girl has a stepfather her own name is engraved in full. Announcement cards follow the same rules as to who issues them, and are couched in these words:

        Mr. and Mrs. Hughson Smith
     announce the marriage of their sister
                Bettina
                  to
         Mr. James Rhodes Grayson,
      on Monday, the tenth of January,
         Nineteen hundred and ten,
       at the Church of the Messiah,
         in the City of Cleveland.

For a home wedding, this formula is correct:

    My dear Mrs. Jennings:
    My daughter Julia is to be married to Mr. George Bronson Holmes on
    Monday, the tenth of January, at twelve o'clock, and it will give Mr.
    Brush and myself much pleasure if you and Mr. Jennings will come.
                                Yours sincerely,
                                                 Eleanor Graves Brush.

For informal church weddings, with small reception to follow, or for a simple home wedding, most people prefer to use the engraved cards, but personal notes may with perfect propriety take