Samantha at Saratoga by Marietta Holley (online e book reader TXT) 📕

gethers, and gores, and flowers, and feathers, and fringes, and frizzles, and then some men, some Southerners from the South, some Westerners from the West, some Easterners from the East, and some Cubebs from Cuba, and some Chinamen from China.

Oh! what a seen! What a seen! back and forth, passin’ and repassin’, to and fro, parasols, and dogs, and wimmen, and men, and babies, and parasols, to and fro, to and fro. Why, if I stood there long so crazed would I have become at the seen, that I should have felt that Josiah wuz a To and I wuz a Fro, or I wuz a parasol and he wuz a dog.

And to prevent that fearful catastrophe, I sez, “If we ever get beyond this side of the village that seems all run together, if we ever do get beyond it, which seems doubtful, le’s go and sit down, in some quiet spot, and try to collect our scattered minds.” Sez I, “I feel curius, Josiah Allen!” and sez I, “How do you feel?”

His answer I will not translate; it was neither Biblical nor even moral. And I sez agin, “Hain’t it strange that they have the village all run together with no streets turnin’ off of it.” Sez I, “It makes me feel queer, Josiah Allen, and I am a goin’ to enquire into it.” So we wended our way some further on amongst the dense crowd I have spoken of, only more crowded and more denser, and anon, if not oftener, Josiah’s head would be scooped in by passin’ parasols, and then in low, deep tones, Josiah would use words that I wouldn’t repeat for a dollar bill, till at last I asked a by bystander a standin’ by, and sez I, “Is this village all built together—don’t you have no streets a turnin’ off of it?”

“Yes,” sez he, “you’ll find a street jest as soon as you get by this hotel.”

I stopped right in my tracts; I wuz dumbfoundered. Sez I, “Do you mean to say that this hull side of the street that we have been a traversin’ anon, or long before anon,—do you say that this is all one buildin’?”

“Yes mom,” sez he.

Sez I, in faint axents, “When shall we get to the end on it?”

Sez he, “You have come jest about half way.”

Josiah gin a deep groan and turned him round in his tracts and sez, “Le’s go back this minute.”

I too thought of the quiet haven from whence we had set out, with a deep longin’, but sech is the force and strength of my mind that I grasped holt of the situation and held it there tight. If we wuz half way across it wouldn’t be no further to go on than it would to go back. Such wuz my intellect that I see it to once, but Josiah’s mind couldn’t grasp it, and with words murmured in my ears which I will never repeat to a livin’ soul he wended on by my side through the same old crowd—parasols, and wimmen, and dogs, and babies, and men, and parasols, and Injuns, and Spanards, and Creoles, and pretty girls, and old wimmen, and puckers, and gethers, and bracelets, and diamonds, and lace, and parasols. Several times, if not more, wuz Josiah Allen scooped in by a parasol held by a female, and I felt he wuz liable to be torn from me. His weight is but small. 3 times his hat fell off in the operation and wuz reskued with difficulty, and he spoke words I blush to recall as havin’ passed my pardner’s lips.

Wall, in the fullness of time, or a little after, for truly I wuz not in a condition to sense things much, we arrove at a street and we gladly turned our 2 frames into it, and wended our way on it, goin’ at a pretty good jog. The crowd a growin’ less and less and we kep a goin’, and kep a goin’, till Josiah sez in weary axents:

“Where be you a goin’, Samantha? Haint you never goin’ to stop? I am fairly tuckered out.”

And I sez in faint axents, “I would fain reach a land where parasols and puckers are not and dogs and diamonds are no more.”

I wuz middlin’ incoherent from my agitation. But I meant well. I wuz truly in hopes I would reach some quiet place where Josiah and me could set down alone. Where I could look in quiet and repose upon that dear bald head, and recooperate my strength.

We went by beautiful places, grand houses of different colors but every one on ’em good lookin’ ones, a settin’ back amongst their green trees, with shady grass-covered yards, and fountains and flower beds in front of ’em, and more grand handsome houses, and more big beautiful yards, green velvet grass and beautiful flowers and fountains, and birds and beauty on every side on us.

And though I felt and knew that in them big carriages that was a passin’ 2 and fro all the time, though I felt that parasols, and puckers, and laces, and dogs, and diamonds, wuz a bein’ borne past me all the time, yet sech is the force of my mind that I could withdraw my specks from ’em, and look at the beautiful works of nater (assisted by man) that wuz about me on every hand.

Finally my long search wuz rewarded, we came to a big open gateway that seemed to lead into a large, quiet delightful forest. And in that lovely, lonesome place, Josiah and me sot down to recooperate our 2 energies.

Josiah looked good to me. Men are nice creeters, but you don’t want to see too meny of ’em to once, likeways with wimmen. Josiah looked to me at that moment some like a calico dress that you have picked out of a dense quantity of patterns of calico at a store, it looks better to you when you get it away from the rest. Josiah Allen looked good to me.

But anon, after I had bathed my distracted eyes (as you may say) in the liniment of my pardner, I began to take in the rare beauty of the seen laid out before me and we arose and wended our way onwards peaceful and serene, as 2 childern led on by their mother.

Dear Mother Nature! how dost thou rest and soothe thy distracted childern when too hardly used by the grindin’, oppressive hands of fashion,and the weerisome elements of a too civilized life. Maybe thou art a heathen mother, oneducated and ignorant in all but the wisdom of love, but thy bosom is soft and restful, and thy arms lovin’ and tender. And, heathen if thou art, we love thee first and at last. We are glad to slip out of all the vain and gilded supports that have held us weerily up, and lay down our tired heads on thy kindly and unquestionin’ bosom and rest.

As we rose from the soft turf, on which we had been a restin’, and meandered on through that beautiful park, (so tenderly had nature used him,) not one trace of the wild commotion that had almost rent Josiah Allen’s breast, could be seen save one expirin’ threeoh of agony. As we started out ag’in, he looked down onto my faithful umberell, that had stiddied me on so many towers of principle, and sez he, in low concentrated axents of skern and bitterness, “If that wuz a dumb parasol, Samantha, I would crush it to the earth and grind it to atoms.”

Truly he could not forget how his bald head had been gethered in like a ripe sheaf, by 7 females, during that very walk, hombly ones too, so it had happened. But I sez nothin’ in reply to this expirin’ note of the crysis he had passed through, knowin’ this was not the time for silver speech but for golden silence, and so we meandered onwards.

And it wuz anon that we see in the distance a fair white female a standin’ kinder still in the edge of the woods, and Josiah spoke in a seemin’ly careless way, and sez he, “She don’t seem to have many clothes on, Samantha.”

Sez I, “Hush, Josiah! she has probably overslept herself, and come out in a hurry, mebby to look for some herbs or sunthin’. I persoom one of her childern are sick, and she sprung right up out of bed, and come out to get some weather-wort, or catnip, or sunthin’.”

And as I spoke I drawed Josiah down a side path away from her. But he stopped stun still and sez he, “Mebby I ought to go and help her Samantha.”

Sez I, “Josiah Allen, sense I lived with you, I don’t think I have been shamder of you;” sez I, “it would mortify her to death if she should mistrust you had seen her in that condition.”

“Wall,” sez he, still a hangin’ back, “if the child is very sick, and I can be any help to her, it is my duty to go.”

His eye had been on her nearly every moment of the time, in spite of my almost voyalent protests, and sez he, kinder excited like, “She is standin’ stun still, as if she is skarit; mebby there is a snake in front of her or sunthin’, or mebby she is took paralysed, I’d better go and see.”

Sez I, in low, deep axents, “You stay where you be, Josiah Allen, and I will go forward, bein’ 2 females together, it is what it is right to do and if we need your help I will holler.”

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