Around the World with Josiah Allen's Wife by Marietta Holley (ereader with dictionary .TXT) 📕

grand luxuriance––palms, tree-ferns, banian trees, everything I used to wonder over in my old gography I see right here growin’ free. Tommy wuz delighted with the strange, beautiful flowers, so unlike anything he had ever seen before. We had got out and walked round a spell here, and when we went to git into our sedan chairs agin, I wuz a little behind time, and Josiah hollered out to me:

“Fey tea, Samantha!”

“Tea?” sez I. “I hain’t got any tea here.” And I sez with dignity, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Fey tea,” he sez agin, lookin’ clost at me.

And I sez agin with dignity, “I don’t know what you mean.” And he sez to me: “I am talkin’ Chinese, Samantha; that means ‘hurry up.’ I shall use that in Jonesville. When you’re standin’ in the meetin’ house door talkin’ about bask patterns and hired girls with the female sisters, and I waitin’ in the democrat, I shall holler out, ‘Fie tea, Samantha;’ it will be very stylish and uneek.”

I didn’t argy with him, but got in well as I could, but havin’ stepped on my dress and most tore it, Josiah hollered out, “See sum! see sum! Samantha!”

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And I, forgittin’ his fashionable aims, sez to him, “See some what, Josiah?”

“See sum, Samantha. That means ‘be careful.’ I shall use that too in Jonesville. How genteel that will make me appear to holler out to Brother Gowdey or Uncle Sime Bentley, in a muddy or slippery time, ‘See sum, Brother Gowdey; see sum, Uncle Sime!’ Such doin’s will make me sought after, Samantha.”

“Well,” sez I, “we’d better be gittin’ back to the tarven, for Arvilly will be wonderin’ where we are and the rest on ’em.”

“Well, just as you say, Samantha,” and he leaned back in his chair and waved his hand and says to the men, “Fey tea, fey tea; chop, chop.”

I expect to see trouble with that man in Jonesville streets with his foreign ways.

Well, we wuz passin’ through one of the narrer streets, through a perfect bedlam of strange cries in every strange language under the sun, so it seemed, and seein’ every strange costoom that wuz ever wore, when, happy sight to Jonesville eyes, there dawned on my weary vision a brown linen skirt and bask, made from my own pattern.

Yes, there stood Arvilly conversin’ with a stately Sikh policeman. She held up the “Twin Crimes” in a allurin’ way and wuz evidently rehearsin’ its noble qualities. But as he didn’t seem to understand a word she said she didn’t make a sale. But she wuz lookin’ round undanted for another subscriber when she ketched sight of us. And at my request we dismissed the jinrikishas and walked back to the tarven with her.

Dorothy and Miss Meechim and Robert Strong come back pretty soon from a tower of sight-seein’, and they said we’d all been invited to tiffen with the Governor-General the next day. Well, I didn’t have the least idee what it wuz, but I made up my mind to once that if tiffenin’ wuz anything relatin’ to gamblin’ or the opium trade, I shouldn’t 168 have a thing to do with it. But Josiah spoke right up and sez he had rather see tiffen than anybody else in China, and mistrustin’ from Robert’s looks that he had made a mistake, he hastened to add that tiffenin’ wuz sunthin’ he had always hankered after; he had always wanted to tiffen, but hadn’t the means in Jonesville.

Sez Robert, “Then I shall accept this invitation for breakfast for all our party.” And after they went out I sez: “I’d hold myself a little back, Josiah. To say that you’d never had means to take breakfast in Jonesville shows ignorance and casts a slur on me.”

“Oh, I meant I never had any tiffen with it, Samantha; you’ll see it don’t mean plain breakfast; you’ll see that they’ll pass some tiffen, and we shall have to eat it no matter what it’s made on, rats or mice or anything. Whoever heard of common breakfast at twelve M.?”

Well, it did mean just breakfast, and we had a real good time. We went up in sedan chairs, though we might have gone on the cars. But we wanted to go slower to enjoy the scenery.

I had thought the view from the hill back of Grout Nickleson’s wuz beautiful, and also the Pali at Honolulu, but it did seem to me that the seen we looked down on from the top of Victoria mountain wuz the most beautiful I ever did see. The city lay at our feet embowered in tropical foliage, with its handsome uneek buildin’s, its narrer windin’ streets stretchin’ fur up the mountain side, runnin’ into narrerer mountain paths covered with white sand. The beautiful houses and gardens of the English colony clost down to the shore. The tall masts of the vessels in the harbor looking like a water forest with flowers of gayly colored flags. And further off the Canton or Pearl River, with scores of villages dotting its banks; glittering white temples, with their pinnacles glistening in the sunlight; pagodas, gayly painted with gilded bells, rising up from the beautiful tropical foliage; 169 broad green fields; mountains soarin’ up towards the blue heavens and the blue waters of the sea.

A fair seen, a fair seen! I wished that sister Henzy could see it, and told Josiah so.

And he sez with a satisfied look, “Wait till I describe it to ’em, Samantha. They’d ruther have me describe it to ’em than see it themselves.” I doubted it some, but didn’t contend.

The breakfast wuz a good one, though I should have called it dinner to home. Josiah wuz on the lookout, I could see, for tiffen to be passed, but it wuzn’t, so he ort to give up, but wouldn’t; but argyed with me out to one side that “they wuz out of tiffen, and hadn’t time to buy any and couldn’t borry.”

Well, the Governor-General seemed to be greatly taken with Dorothy. A relation on his own side wuz the hostess, and Miss Meechim acted real relieved when it turned out that he had a wife who wuz visiting in England.

I sot at the right hand of the Governor-General and I wanted to talk to him on the opium question and try to git him to give up the trade, but concluded that I wouldn’t tackle him at his own table. But I kep’ up a stiddy thinkin’.

That very mornin’ I read in the daily paper that two missionaries had arrived there the day before, and on the same steamer three hundred chests of opium.

Poor creeters! didn’t it seem mockin’ the name of religion to help convert the natives and on the same steamer send three hundred chests of the drug to ondo their work and make idiots and fiends of ’em.

It seemed to me some as if I should read in the Jonesville “Augur” or “Gimlet” that our govermunt had sent out three or four fat lambs to help the starvin’ poor and sent ’em in the care of thirty or forty tigers and wild cats.

No doubt the lambs would git there, but they would be inside the wild cats and tigers.

Such wicked and foolish and inconsistent laws if made by 170 women would make talk amongst the male sect, and I wouldn’t blame ’em a mite; I should jine with ’em and say, “Sure enough it is a proof that wimmen don’t know enough to vote and hain’t good enough; let ’em drop the political pole, retire into the background and study statesmanship and the Bible, specially the golden rule.” But to resoom.

Arvilly tried to turn the conversation on the “Twin Crimes” of America, but didn’t come right out and canvass him, for which I wuz thankful. They all paid lots of attention to Tommy, who had a great time, and I spoze Carabi did too.

We had fruits and vegetables at the table, all gathered from the Governor-General’s garden––fresh fruit and vegetables in February, good land! Pickin’ berries and pineapples while the Jonesvillians’ fruit wuz snowballs and icesuckles; jest think on’t!

Well, Robert Strong thought we had better proceed on to Canton the next day and we wuz all agreeable to it.

After we all went back to the tarven and I had laid down a spell and rested, I went out with Arvilly and Tommy for a little walk, Miss Meechim, and Dorothy, and Robert Strong havin’ gone over to Maceo, the old Portuguese town on the mainland. They wanted to see the place where Camoens wrote his great poem, “The Lusiad,” and where he writ them heart-breakin’ poems to Catarina. Poor creeters! they had to be separated. King John sent him off from Lisbon, wantin’ the girl himself, so I spoze. Catarina died soon of a broken heart, but Camoens lived on for thirty years in the body, and is livin’ now and will live on in the Real Life fer quite a spell.

Yes, his memory is jest as fresh now as it ever wuz in them streets he wandered in durin’ his sad exile, while the solid stun his feet trod on has mouldered and gone to pieces, which shows how much more real the onseen is than the seen, and how much more indestructible. Iron pillars and granite columns aginst which his weary head had leaned oft-times 171 had all mouldered and decayed. But the onseen visions that Camoens see with his rapt poet’s eye wuz jest as fresh and deathless as when he first writ ’em down. And his memory hanted the old streets, and went before ’em and over ’em. How much more real than the tropical birds that wheeled and glittered in the luxuriant tropical foliage, though they couldn’t lay hands on ’em and ketch ’em and bring a few to me, much as I would liked to have had ’em. But these bein’ the real, as I say, they wuz also with me way over in Hongkong. I thought a sight on him all the time they wuz gone, and afterwards I thought of the honor and dignity his noble verse had gin to his country, and how princely the income they had gin him after they let him return from his exile. Twenty-one dollars a year! What a premium that wuz upon poesy; the Muse must have felt giddy to think she wuz prized so high, and his native land repented of the generosity afterwards and stopped the twenty-one dollars a year.

But then after his starved and strugglin’ life wuz ended his country acted in the usual way, erected monuments in his honor, and struck off medals bearin’ his liniment. The worth of one medal or one little ornament on the peak of one of his statutes might have comforted the broken heart and kep’ alive the starved body and gin him some comfort. But that hain’t the way of the world; the world has always considered it genteel and fashionable to starve its poets, and stun its prophets, with different kinds of stuns, but all on ’em hard ones; not that it has done so in every case, but it has always been the fashionable way.

Dorothy and Robert talked quite a good deal about the sad poet and his works, their young hearts feelin’ for his woe; mebby sunthin’ in their own hearts translatin’ the mournful history; you know plates have to be fixed jest right or the colors won’t strike in. It is jest so in life. Hearts must be ready to photograph the seens on, or they won’t be took. Some hearts and souls are blank plates and will 172 always remain so. Arvilly seemed lost in thought as they talked about the poet (she hain’t so well versed in poetry as she is in the license laws and the disabilities of wimmen), and when she hearn Robert Strong say, “Camoens will live forever,” she sez dreamily:

“I wonder if he’d want to subscribe for the ‘Twin Crimes’?” And sez she, “I am sorry I didn’t go over with you and canvass him.” Poor thing! she little knew he had got beyend canvassin’ and all other cares and troubles of life two hundred years ago. But Miss Meechim wuz dretful worked up about the gambling going on at Maceo, and she sez it is as bad as at Monte Carlo. (I didn’t know who he wuz, but spozed that he wuz a real out and out gambler and blackleg). And sez she, “Oh, how bad it makes me feel to see such wickedness carried on. How it makes my heart yearn for my own dear America!” Miss Meechim is good in some things; she is as loyal to her own country as a dog to a root, but Arvilly sez:

“I guess we Americans hadn’t better find too much fault with foreign natives about gambling, when we think of our stock exchanges, huge gamblin’ houses where millions are gambled for daily; thousands of bushels of