Around the World with Josiah Allen's Wife by Marietta Holley (ereader with dictionary .TXT) 📕

We wuz all invited to a garden party, gin by Mr. and Miss Curzon.––Page 240.

Arvilly openly and often bewailed the loss of the one she loved next to Waitstill Webb; I wuzn’t anywhere in Arvilly’s affections to what she wuz, though she sets store by me, and Tommy cried himself to sleep many a night talking about her, and wonnerin’ where she wuz, and if somebody wuz abusin’ her, or if she wuz to the bottom of the ocean. Why, he would rack my mind and pierce my heart so I would have to give him candy to get his mind off; I used pounds in that way, though I knew it wuz hurtful, but didn’t know what to do.

We often thought and spoke of poor Lucia, too, and that poor broken-hearted father who wuz searching through the world for her and would never stop his mournful search till he found her, or till death found him, but our hearts didn’t ache for her as they did for the loss of our own.

Martha wuz a kind, good girl, but she wuzn’t Aronette, our dear one, our lost one. She wuz jest a helper doin’ her work and earnin’ her wages, that wuz all, but she was good natured and offered to look after Tommy, and we all went to the Viceroy’s reception and garden party and had a real good time.

The palace of the Viceroy is a beautiful structure. It is only two stories high, but each story full and running over with beauty. I d’no but the widder Albert’s house goes ahead of this, but it don’t seem as if it could, it don’t seem as if Solomon’s or the Queen of Sheba’s could look any better. Though of course I never neighbored with Miss Sheba, bein’ considerable younger than she, and never got round to visit the widder Albert, though I always wanted to, and spoze I disappointed her that year when I wuz in London, and kep’ by business and P. Martin Smythe from visitin’ her.

Miss Curzon is a real handsome woman, and always wuz when she was a neighborin’ girl, as you may say, in Chicago, but the high position she’s in now has gin nobility to her mean, and the mantilly of dignity she wears sets well on her.

She seemed real glad to see me; she had hearn on me, so she said, and she said she had laughed some when she read my books, and had cried too, and I sez, “I hope you 242 didn’t cry because you felt obleeged to read ’em, or somebody made you.”

And she sez, “No,” and she went on furder to say how they had soothed the trials of a relative, aged ninety, and had been a stay and solace to one of her pa’s great aunts.

And a bystander standin’ by come up and introduced himself and said how much my books had done for some relations of his mother-in-law who had read ’em in Sing Sing and the Tombs. And after considerable such interestin’ and agreeable conversation Miss Curzon branched off and asked me if there wuz any new news at home.

And I sez, “No; things are goin’ in the same old way. Your pa’s folks are in good health so fur as I know, and the rest of the four hundred are so as to git about, for I hear on ’em to horse shows and huntin’ foxes acrost the country and playin’ tee or tee he.”

She said, “Yes, golf wuz gettin’ to be very popular in America.” And I went on with what little news I could about the most important folks. Sez I:

“Mr. and Miss Roosvelt are well, and well thought on. He is a manly man and a gentle gentleman. The sample of goodness, loyalty and common sense they are workin’ out there in the White House ort to be copied by all married men and their wives. If they did the divorce lawyers would starve to death––or go into some other business.

“I set store by ’em both. Theodore tries to quell the big monopolies and look out for the people. I’ve advised him and he has follered my advice more or less. But you can’t do everything in a minute, and the political bosses and the Liquor Power are rulin’ things about the same as ever. Big trusts are flourishin’, Capital covered with gold and diamonds is settin’ on the bent back of Labor, drivin’ the poor critter where they want to, and the Man with the Hoe is hoein’ away jest as usual and don’t get the pay for it he’d ort to.” And here Arvilly broke in (she had been introduced), and sez she, “Uncle Sam is girdin’ up his lions and 243 stands with a chip on his shoulder ready to step up and take a round with any little republic that don’t want to be benevolently assimilated.”

But I spoke right up, and sez, “He is a good-hearted creeter, Uncle Sam is, but needs a adviser time and agin, and not bein’ willin’ to let wimmen have a word to say, I d’no what will become on him; bime-by mebby he’ll see that he had better hearn to me.”

Jest then we hearn a bystander standin’ nigh by us talkin’ about the last news from Russia, and I sez to Miss Curzon, “It is too bad about the war, hain’t it?” And she sez, “Yes indeed!” She felt dretful about it, I could see, and I sez, “So do I. You and I can’t stop it, Miss Curzon; a few ambitious or quarrelsome or greedy politicians will make a war and then wimmen have to stand it. There hain’t nothin’ right in it, seein’ they are half of the world, and men couldn’t have got into the world at all if it hadn’t been for wimmen, and then when wimmen has got ’em here, and took care on ’em till they can run alone, then they go to bossin’ her round the first thing and makin’ her no end of trouble, makin’ wars and things.” And she said she felt jest so, too. “But,” sez I, “excuse me for introducin’ personal and political matters on festive boards” (we wuz standin’ on a kind of a platform built up on the green and velvety grass). Sez I, “I am real glad to see you lookin’ so well, and your companion, too.” She did look handsome as a picter, and handsomer enough sight than some, chromos and such. And seein’ that she had so many to talk to, I withdrawed myself, but as I kinder backed myself off I backed right into Arvilly, who wuz takin’ out the “Twin Crimes” out of her work-bag, and I sez, “Arvilly, you shall not canvass Miss Curzon to-night.”

And she sez, “I’d like to see you stop me, Josiah Allen’s wife, if I set out to do anything.” She looked real beligerent. But I got her into a corner and appealed to her shiverly and pity, and finally I got her to put her book up in her work-bag. 244 Arvilly is good-hearted if you know how to manage her. I knew Miss Curzon would be tired enough to drop down before we all got away, without being canvassed, if she has got two hundred hired help in the house.

Well, we roamed along through the beautiful walks, sweet with perfume and balmy with flowers, brilliant with innumerable lights, and thronged with a gaily dressed crowd and the air throbbing with entrancing strains of music.

Robert Strong looked noble and handsome that night; I wuz proud to think he belonged to our party. He didn’t need uniforms and ribbons and stars and orders to proclaim his nobility, no more than his City of Justice needed steeples. It shone out of his liniment so everybody could see it. It seemed that he and Mr. Curzon wuz old friends; they talked together like brothers.

Dorothy wuz as sweet as a posy in her pretty pink frock, trimmed with white rosies, and her big, white picture hat––the prettiest girl there, I thought; and I believe Robert thought so, too––he acted as if he did. And Miss Meechim wuz in her element. The halls of the noble and gay wuz where her feet loved to linger. And she seemed to look up to me more than ever after she see my long interview with Lady Curzon, as she called her.

Josiah and I returned to our tarven, but the rest of the party wanted to stay some later. We wanted dretfully to go to Benares, and on to Agra so’s to see that wonderful monument to Wedded Love––the Taj Mahal––I spoze the most beautiful building in the hull world; and certainly it is rared up to as noble a sentiment; and its being a kind of rareity, too, made me want to see it the worst kind.

But we had loitered so on our travels that we had to hurry up a little in order to arrive at the Paris Exposition the Fourth of July––United States day. I felt that I couldn’t bear to git there any later and keep France a-waitin’ for us, a-worryin’ for fear we wouldn’t git there at all, so we went post-haste from Calcutta to Bombay and from there to 245 Cairo and on to Marseilles; though we laid out to stop long enough in Cairo to take a tower in Jerusalem. Holy Land, wuz I, indeed, to see thee?

We wuz considerable tired when we got to Bombay. The railroads in Injy are not like the Empire Express; though, as we drew near Bombay, the scenery wuz grand; some like our own Sierra Nevada’s.

Only a few milds back from the railroad, tigers, panthers and all sorts of fierce animals wuz to home to callers, but we didn’t try to visit ’em. At some places the trees along the road wuz full of monkeys, chatterin’ and talkin’ in their own language which they understood, so I spoze; and there wuz the most beautiful birds I ever saw. The climate wuz delightful, some like June days in dear Jonesville.

Bombay is on an island, with many bridges connecting it to the mainland. We went to a tarven close to Bombay Bay; the wide verandas full of flowers and singin’ birds made it pleasant. We got good things to eat here; oh, how Josiah enjoyed the good roast beef and eggs and bread, most as good as Jonesville bread. Though it seemed kinder queer to me, and I don’t think Miss Meechim and Arvilly enjoyed it at all to have our chamber work done by barelegged men.

I told Josiah that I didn’t know but I ort to have a Ayah or maid whilst I wuz there, and he said with considerable justice that he guessed he could ayah me all that wuz necessary.

And so he could, I didn’t need no other chaperone. But the Bombay ladies never stir out without their Ayah, and ladies don’t go out in the streets much anyway.

The market here in Bombay wuz the finest I ever see; it has a beautiful flower garden and park attached to it, and little rills of clear water run through the stun gutters. Tropical fruit and vegetables of all kinds wuz to be seen here. The native market wimmen didn’t have on any clothes hardly, but made it up in jewelry. Some on ’em weighin’ out beef to customers would have five or six long gold chains hanging 246 down to their waist. Bombay has a population of about a million, a good many English, some Hindus, Persians, Chinese, Siamese, Turks, and about one-tenth are Parsees, sun-worshippers. They are many of them wealthy and live in beautiful villas a little out of the city; they are very intelligent and firm friends of the English.

The Parsees dress in very rich silks and satin, the men in pantaloons of red or orange and long frocks of gorgeous colored silk; they wear high-pinted black caps, gold chains and rings and look dretful dressy.

Josiah loved their looks dearly, and he sez dreamily, “What a show such a costoom would make in Jonesville; no circus ever went through there that would attract so much attention,” and he added, “their idees about the sun hain’t so fur out of the way. The sun duz give all the heat and light we have, and it is better to worship that than snakes and bulls.”

My land! had that man a idee of becomin’ a Parsee? I sez, “Josiah Allen, be you a Methodist deacon, or be you not? Are you a-backslidin’ or hain’t you?” Sez I, “You had better ask the help of him who made the sun and the earth to keep you from wobblin’.”

He wuz real huffy and sez, “Well, I say it, and stick to it, that it is better to worship the sun