English as she is spoke; or, a jest in sober earnest by Carolino and Fonseca (highly recommended books .TXT) 📕

The writing.

  Your pens have any notches, and its spit.
  How do you like its? will you its are fine or broad?
  I won't me also a wafer or some sealing wax and a seal.
  In this drawer, there is all that, falding stick, rule, scraper,
    saud, etc.
  There is the postman I go to put it him again.

With a bookseller.

  What is there in new's litterature?
  Little or almost nothing, it not appears any thing of note.
  And yet one imprint many deal.
  But why, you and another book seller, you does not to imprint some
    good wooks?
  There is a reason for that, it is that you cannot to sell its. The
    actual-liking of the public is depraved they does not read who
    for to amuse one's self ant but to instruct one's.
  But the letter's men who cultivate the arts and the sciences they
    can't to pass without the books.
  A little learneds are happies enough for to may to satisfy their
    fancies on the literature.
  Have you found the Buff on who I had call for?
  I have only been able to procure the octodecimo edition, which is
    embellished with plates beautifully coloured.

With a dentist.

  I have the teetht-ache.
  Is it a fluxion, or have you a bad tooth?
  I think that is a bad tooth; please you to examine my mouth?
  You have a bad tooth; will you pull out this tooth?
  I can't to decide me it, that make me many great deal pain.
  Your tooth is absolutely roted; if you leave it; shall spoil the
    others.
  In such case draw it.
  I shall you neat also your mouth, and you could care entertain it
    clean, for to preserve the mamel of the teeth; I could give you
    a opiate for to strengthen the gums.
  I thank you; I prefer the only means, which is to rinse the mouth
    with some water, or a little brandy.

With a laundress.

Who lhat be too washed, too many soaped, and the shirts put through the buck. You may be sure; never I do else.

For to swim.

  I row upon the belly on the back and between two waters.
  I am not so dexte rous that you.
  Nothing is more easy than to swim; it do not what don't to be
  afraid of.

The french language.

  Do you study?
  Yes, sir, I attempts to translate of french by portuguese.
  Do you know already the principal grammars rules?
  I am appleed my self at to learn its by heart.
  Do speak french alwais?
  Some times: though I flay it yet.
  You jest, you does express you self very well.

***

Familiar Letters.

Racine to M. Fitart.

My uncle what will to treat her beshop in a great sumptuouness, he was go Avignon for to buy what one not should find there, and he had leave me the charge to provide all things. I have excellent business, as you see, and I know some thing more than to eat my soup, since I know do to prepare it. I did learn that it must give to the first, to second, and to the third service, by dishes that want to join, and yet some thing more; because we does pretend make a feast at four services without to account the dessert. Good bye, my dear sir, etc.

Mothe to the duchess of the Maine.

My lady, I have a complaint to present you. So much happy that might be one's self, one have not all theirs eases in this world. Your letters are shortest. You have plaied wonderfully all sentiments; less her prattle, etc.

Montesquieu to the abbot Nicolini.

Allow me, my dear abbot, who I remind me of your friendship. I recommend you M. of the Condamine. I shall tell you nothing, else he is a of my friends. Her great celebrity may tell you from others things, and her presence will say you the remains. My dear abbot, I will love you even the death.

***

Anecdotes.

Guttler, a very rich man too many avaricious, commonly he was travel at a horse, and single for to avoid all expenses. In the evening at to arrive at the inn did feign to be indispose, to the end that one bring him the supper. He did ordered to the stable knave to bring in their room some straw, for to put in their boots he made to warm her bed and was go lo sleep. When the servant was draw again, he come up again, and with the straw of their boots, and the candle Avhat was leave him he made a small fire where he was roast a herring what he did keep of her pocket. He was always the precaution one to provide him self of a small of bread and one bring up a water bottle, and thus with a little money.

**

A blind did hide five hundred crowns in a corner of their garden; but a neighbour, which was perceive it, did dig up and took its. The blind not finding more her money, was suspect that might be the robed, but one work for take again it? He was going find the neighbour, and told him that he came to get him a council; than he was a thousand crowns which the half was hided into a sure part and I don't know if want, if to put the remains to the same part. The neighbour was council him so and was hasten to carry back that sum, in the hope soon to draw out a thousand. But the blind having finded the money, was seized it, having called her neighbour, he told him: "Gossip, the blind saw clearer than this that may have two eyes."

**

A man one's was presented at a magistrate which had a considerable library. "What you make?" beg him the magistrate. "I do some books," he was answered. "But any of your books I did not seen its.—I believe it so, was answered the author; I mak nothing for Paris. From a of my works is imprinted, I send the edition for America; I don't compose what to colonies."

**

One eyed was laied against a man which had good eyes that he saw better than him. The party was accepted. "I had gain, over said the one eyed; why I see you two eyes, and you not look me who one."

**

A english lord was in their bed tormented, cruelly of the gout, when was announced him a pretended physician, which had a remedy sure against that illness. "That doctor came in coach or on foot?" was request the lord. "On foot," was answered him the servant. "Well, was replied the sick, go tell to the knave what go back one's self, because if he was the remedy, which he exalt him self, he should roll a coach at six horses, and I would be send for him my self and to offer him the half part of my lands for to be delivered of my sickness."

**

A duchess accused of magic being interrogated for a commissary extremely unhandsome, this was beg him selve one she had look the devil. "Yes, sir, I did see him, was answer the duchess, and he was like you as two water's drops."

**

A Lady, which was to dine, chid to her servant that she not had used butter enough. This girl, for to excuse him selve, was bing a little cat on the hand, and told that she came to take him in the crime, finishing to eat the two pounds from butter who remain. The Lady took immediately the cat, was put into the balances it had not weighted that one an half pound.

**

A countryman which came through to Paris upon the bridge to the change, not had perceived merchandises in several shops. The curiosity take him, he come near of a exchange desk:—"Sir, had he beg from a look simple, tell me what you sell." The loader though that he may to divert of the personage:—"I sell, was answered him asse's heads."—"Indeed, reply to him the countryman, you make of it a great sale, because it not remains more but one in your shop."

**

The commander Forbin of Janson, being at a repast with a celebrated Boileau, had undertaken to pun him upon her name:—"What name, told him, carry you thither? Boileau: I would wish better to call me Drink wine." The poet was answered him in the same tune:—"And you, sir, what name have you choice? Janson: I should prefer to be named John-Meal. The meal don't is valuable better than the furfur?"

**

A physician eighty years of age had enjoicd of a health unalterable. Theirs friends did him of it compliments every days: "Mister doctor, they said to him, you are admirable man. What you make then for to bear you as well?—I shall tell you it, gentlemen he was answered them, and I exhort you in same time at to follow my exemple. I live of the product of my ordering without take any remedy who I command to my sicks."

**

A countryman was confessed to the parson to have robbed a mutton at a farmer of her neighbourhood. "My friend, told him the confessor, it must to return, or you shall not have the absolution.—But repply the villager, I had eated him.—So much worse, told him the pastor; you vill be the devil sharing; because in the wide vale where me ought to appear we before God every one shall spoken against you, even the mutton. How! repply the countryman, the mutton will find in that part? I am very glad of that; then the restitution shall be easy, since I shall not have to tell to the farmer: "Neighbour take your mutton again."

**

Plato walking one's self a day to the field with some of their friends. They were to see him Diogenes who was in to water untill the chin. The superficies of the water was snowed, for the reserve of the hole that Diogenes was made. "Don't look it more told them Plato, and he shall get out soon."

**

A day came a man consult this philosopher for to know at o'clock it was owe to eat. If thou art rich, told him eat when you shall wish; if you are poor, when you may do.

**

At the middle of a night very dark, a blind was walk in the streets with a light on the hand and a full jar upon the back. Some one which ran do meet him, and surprised of that light: "Simple that you are, told him, what serve you this light? The night and the day are not them the same thing by you!—It is not for me, was answering the blind, that I bring this light, it is to the and that the giddie swhich seem to you do not come to run against me, and make to break my jar."

***

Idiotisms and Proverbs.

**

  The necessity don't know the low.
  Few, few the bird make her nest.
  He is not valuable to breat that he eat.
  Its are some blu stories.
  Nothing some money, nothing of Swiss.
  He sin in trouble water.
  A bad arrangement is better than a process.
  He has a good beak.
  In the country of blinds, the one eyed men are kings.
  To build castles in Espagnish.
  Cat scalded fear the cold water.
  To do the fine spirit.
  With a tongue one go to Roma.
  There is not any rnler without a exception.
  Take out the live coals with the hand of the cat.
  A horse baared don't look him the tooth.
  Take the occasion for the hairs.
  To do a wink to some body.
  So many go the jar to spring, than at last rest there.
  He eat untill to can't more.
  Which like Bertram, love hir dog.
  It want to beat the iron during it is hot.
  He is not so devil as he is black.
  It is better be single as a bad company.
  The stone as roll not heap up not foam.
  They shurt him the doar in face.
  He has fond the knuckle of the business.
  He turns as a weath turcocl.
  There is