The Ten Pleasures of Marriage<br />and the Second Part, The Confession of the New Married Couple by A. Marsh (best free novels txt) 📕

Make your self merry amongst the rest of the Wedding guests, so far as is becoming you: who knows, but that some brave Gentlemans man, Coachman, or neighbors servant, may fall in love with you; for many times out of one Wedding comes another, and then you might come to be a woman of good fashion. Udsbud Mally! then you would know, as well as your Mistress, what delights are to be had in the first Wedding night. Then you would also know how to discourse of the first Pleasure of marriage, and with the Bride expect the second.

The Woman goes to buy houshold-stuf. The unthankfulness of some of the Wedding-guests, and thankfulness of others.

ell, young married people, how glad you must needs be, now the Wedding's over, and all that noise is at an end? You may now ly and sleep till the day be far spent! And not only rest your selves quietly; but, to your desires, in the Art of Love, shew one another the exercise and handling of Venus Weapons.

Now you may practise an hundred delicious things to please your appetites, & do as many Hocus Pocus tricks more. Now you may outdo Aretin, and all her light Companions, in all their several postures. Now you may rejoice in the sweet remembrance, how sumptuous that you were, in Apparel, meat and drink, and all other ornaments that my Lady Bride, and Madam Spend-all, first invented and brought in practice. Now you may tickle your fancies with the pleasures that were used there, by dansing, maskerading, Fire-works, playing upon Instruments, singing, leaping, and all other sort of gambals, that youth being back'd with Bacchus strength uses either for mirth or wantonness.

Folio 30.
Published by The Navarre Society, London.

O how merry they were all of 'em! And how deliciously were all the dishes dress'd and garnisht! What a credit this will be for the Cook and Steward! Indeed there was nothing upon the Table but it was Noble, and the Wine was commended by every one. They have all eaten gallantly, & drunk deliciously. Well, this is now a pleasant remembrance.

And you, O young Woman, you are now both Wife and Mistris your self; you are now wrested out of the command of your grinning and snarling narrow-soul'd Tutors (those hellish Curmugions) now you may freely, without controul, do all what you have a mind to; and receive therewith the friendly imbracings, and kind salutes of your best beloved. Verily this must needs be a surpassing mirth.

And you, O new made husband, how tumble you now in wantonness! how willingly doth liberal Venus her self, open her fairest Orchard for you! Oh you have a pleasure, that those which never tried, can in the least comprehend.

Well, make good use of your time, and take the full scope of your desires, in the pleasant clasping and caressing of those tender limbs; for after some few daies, it may be hungry care will come and open the Curtains of your bed; and at a distance shew you what reckonings you are to expect from the Jeweller, Gold-smith, Silk-man, Linnen-Draper, Vinter, Cook and others.

But on the t'other side again, you shall have the pleasure to hear your young Wife every moment sweetly discoursing that she must go with her Sister and her Aunt to buy houshold-stuf, Down-beds, dainty Plush and quilted Coverlets, with costly Hangings must be bought: And then she will read to you, her new made Husband, such a stately Register, that both your joy of heart, and jingling purse shall have a fellouw-feeling of it.

For your Sweetest speaks of large Venetian Looking-glasses, Chiny-ware, Plush Chairs, Turkish Tapistry, Golden Leather, rich Pictures, a Service of Plate, a Sakerdan Press, an Ebbony Tabel, a curious Cabinet and child-bed Linnen cupboard, several Webs for Napkins and Tabel-cloaths, fine and course linnen, Flanders laces, and a thousand other things must be bought, too long to be here related: For other things also that concern the furnishing of the house, they increase every day fresh in the brains of these loving and prudent Wives.

And when the Wife walks out, she must either have the Maid, or at least the Semstress, along with her; then neighbour John, that good carefull labourer, must follow them softly with his wheel-barrow, that the things, which are bought, may be carefully and immediately brought home.

And at all this, good Man, you must make no wry faces, but be pleasant and merry; for they are needfull in house-keeping, you cannot be without them; and that mony must alwaies be certainly ready, get it where you will. Then, saies the Wife, all this, at least, there must needs be, if we will have any people of fashion come into our house.

You know your Beloved hath also some Egs to fry, and did bring you a good Portion, though it consist in immovable Goods, as in Houses, Orchards, and Lands that be oftentimes in another Shire. Thither you may go then, with your Hony, twice a year, for the refreshing of your spirits, and taking your pleasure to receive the House-rents, fruits of the Orchards, and revenues of the Lands. Here every one salutes you with the name of Landlord; and, according to their Country fashion, indeavour to receive you with all civilities and kind entertainment. If, with their Hay-cart, you have a mind to go and look upon the Land, and to be a participator of those sort of pleasures; or to eat some new Curds, Cream, Gammon of Bacon, and ripe Fruits, all these things; in place of mony, shall be willingly and neatly disht up to you.

For here you'l meet with complaints, that by the War the Houses are burnt, the Orchards destroied, and the growth of the Fields spoiled! therefore it is not fit that you should trouble the poor people, but think, this is the use, custom, and fruits of War. If the Impositions and Taxes run high, the Country Farmer can't help that; you know that the War costs mony, and it must be given, or else we should lose all.

At such a time as this, your only mirth must be; that, through this gallant marriage, you are now Lord of so many acres of Land, so many Orchards, and of so many dainty Houses and Land. If your mony bags don't much increase by it at present, but rather lessen, that most no waies cloud your mirth. Would you trouble your self at such trivial things, you'd have work enough daily. We cannot have all things so to our minds in this World. For if you had your Wives Portion down in ready mony, you'd have been at a stand again, where, without danger, you should have put it out at interest; fearing that they might play Bankrupt with it. Houses and Lands are alwaies fast, and they will pay well, when the War is done.

Therefore you must drive these vapors out of your head, and make your self merry, with the hearing that your friends commend the entertainment they have had to the highest; and that two or three daies hence; the merry Bridemen and Bridemaids, with some of the nearest acquaintance, will come a la grandissimo to give you thanks for all the respect & civilities that you have so liberally bestowed upon them; which will be done then with such a friendly and affectionate heart, that it will be impossible for you, but you must invite them again to come and sup with you in the evening, and so make an addition to the former Pleasure; by which means pleasantness, mirth, and friendship, is planted and advanced among all the friends and acquaintance.

'Tis true, you'l be sure to hear that there were some at the Wedding who were displeased, for not being entertained according to their expectations; and because their Uncle, a new married Niece, and some other friends were not seated in their right places; that Mrs. Leonora had a jole-pate to wait upon her; and Mr. Philip an old Beldam; Mr. Timothy was forced to wait upon a young snotty-nose; and that Squire Neefer could not sit easily, and Mrs. Betty's Gorget was rumbled; and that Mal, and Peg Stones, and Dol Dirty-buttocks, were almost throng'd in pieces; and could hardly get any of the Sweetmeats; but you must not at all be troubled with this, for 'tis a hard matter to please every body. 'Tis enough that you have been at such a vast charge, and presented them with your Feast.

Truly, they ought to have been contented & thankfull to the highest degree; and what they are unsatisfied with needed not to have cost you so much mony; for if you had left them all at home, you could have had no worse reward, but a great deal less charge. Comfort your self with this, that when it happens again, you will not buy ingratitude at so high a rate. 'Tis much better to invite them at two or three several times before hand, and entertain them with a merry glass of Wine, up and away; and then invite a small company which are better to govern and satisfied.

'Tis a great deal more pleasure for you, to see your Wives friends animate one another, to come, a fortnight after the Wedding, and surprize you; with shewing