Bedful of Moonlight by Raven Held (audio ebook reader .txt) 📕

left alone? “I could show you around if you want, after you’re done.” He nodded at my food.
“No, it’s okay. I still have some work to do,” I said, stuffing the rest of my dinner into my mouth and hurriedly crumpling up the wrapper.
“But our holidays just started,” Jade said, frowning.
“Here, I’ll get that,” Caleb said, standing up and taking my plate from me. I was aware of Jade staring at her brother in bemusement.
We ended up bumping into each other as we fought to take the plate to the dishwasher.
I had thought my senses had been dulled by time, that after almost a month, I was unable to respond to anything else but the hurt that now resided in me.
But when Caleb stood a mere inch away from me, a myriad of sensations imploded. The warmth of his body, his breath next to mine, the surety of his physique – I struggled to fight them off.
I must have gasped or something, because Caleb leapt away from me and held on to me at arm’s length. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I stuttered. “Lost my bearings for a moment.”
“Maybe you should sit down,” he said and gently pulled me towards a chair.
I yanked my arm away – perhaps a little too violently – and said, “No, I think I’ll just – go to my room. Thanks for dinner.”
Their surprise at my less-than-polite behaviour was palpable. I could feel their gazes burn into my back. So I was glad for the distraction the doorbell brought, even though I was not in the mood to meet anybody else.
Since I was nearest to the door, I had no choice but to open it.
In the dimming of the day, a tall, slender girl in a turquoise tank top, skinny jeans and flip-flops stood before me, amidst a jungle of bags that sat at her feet. Another guy stood behind her, panting slightly. Perspiration soaked through his grey t-shirt. They both looked slightly older than me, maybe just starting on their twenties.
“Are you sure this is the right place, Ri?” the guy said. They were both staring at me.
“I thought so,” the girl said slowly. “Hi, my name’s Reilly. I was supposed to move in here today…” Her expression changed all of a sudden before I could say hi back. She turned to the guy behind her. “I knew it,” she said hotly. “She couldn’t have been so kind to me. She just wanted me to haul all my bags here –”
“You mean, me to haul all your bags here –” He was still perspiring.
“And then have a laugh at my expense.” Her face was turning redder by the second, but she was pretty nonetheless. S had the kind of cheekbones my mother slathered tonnes of bronzer for.
“Reilly!” Jade yelled from behind me. She threw the door wide open and gave her a huge hug, causing the two of them to almost topple over the bags. Then she turned to the guy, grinning. “Hey, Tate!”
“Hey, kid,” Tate said, shooting her a lopsided grin.
I just stood there, watching the two girls hug and the guy stand there staring at me.
Finally, when Jade and Reilly broke apart, Reilly said to me, “I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I’m Jade and Caleb’s sister. And this is Tate,” she added, gesturing to the guy.
“Kristen,” I said with an awkward wave. “My dad and I just moved in here.”
“Oh,” Reilly said, frowning.
“Reilly, what are you…?” Jade peered around her, registering all the bags finally. “Are you moving in too, or something?”
Reilly sighed, more in resignation than impatience. “I guess I am.” She sounded as though she was stunned by her decision too. “You weren’t informed, huh?”
Jade huffed. “Does anyone tell me anything around here?”
“So,” Tate said, “Can we come in already?”
“Hey, Ri,” Caleb said, appearing next to me suddenly, joining us at the door.
Again, I jumped at the close proximity between us. This inexplicable sensation scared me. It really did. And I know how stupid that must seem.
Everyone turned to stare at me, probably wondering if Caleb had some kind of contagious disease that only I knew of. Caleb took a step away from me, not knowing whether to be offended or amused.
“Come in, then,” Caleb said. Rolling his eyes as Tate hauled the bags into house, he helped by carrying two in each hand.
“We got you dinner, by the way,” Reilly said as Caleb led them all up to her room.
“We already ate,” Caleb said.
“But if it’s Uncle Owen’s fish and chips, I can always make space for it,” Jade said.
I didn’t know what to do, so I took the dinner from her and lingered in the kitchen. When they came down, they were still talking, Jade dominating the conversation.
“So what’s the story?” she asked as they entered the kitchen.
“What story?”
“Why you’re moving in,” Jade said. She squealed, and I saw Caleb and Tate wince. “I can’t believe you’re moving in with us!”
Reilly took her time to answer her question, setting out her dinner – it was fish and chips – on a plate, and then setting out Tate’s.
“Reilly…” Jade said, pointedly drumming her fingers on the table.
Reilly shared a look with Caleb, and Caleb was the one who explained. “As you know, dad got into some trouble a while back.”
I noticed how controlled and light his tone was, and how he glanced over at me when he said that, so I pretended to take a sip of water.
Caleb went on. “Reilly was supposed to go off with him – while he got a job, she’d go off to university – but that plan got … waylaid, so since she’s got nowhere to live now, mom told her to come stay with us.”
“It’s just a temporary thing,” Reilly said quickly, as though she was preventing the idea of a promise before it set in.
I stared at the glass of water in my hand, remembering the look on my father’s face when he said the same thing just this afternoon. Temporary seemed to be the code word for don’t get your hopes up; it’ll all just end in tears. People used that word when they wanted to assure you whatever you were going through would get lost in the thick of time and things. What they always omitted was the fact that it wouldn’t.
“Waylaid,” Jade echoed. “You mean that time when he got….”
I looked up. Reilly and Caleb had silenced her with similar looks.
“Well, then, can’t you stay here forever?” Jade asked.
“Yeah,” Caleb seconded. “Seriously, we’d love having you here. She” – he nodded to Jade – “was just starting to drive me nuts.”
“You drive yourself nuts,” Jade retorted.
“Hey,” Tate said suddenly, his head popping up from his food. The crunching of fish in his mouth could be heard. He nudged Reilly. “You remember that one?”
They all seemed to. To me, it was just further proof of what a closed estate Wroughton was, a reminder of what a stranger – an intruder – I was in their world. You never realised how lonely you really were until you found yourself at the other side of the window, silently looking in.
Caleb suddenly remembered my presence. “We have this friend,” he explained, “who went a little crazy a while back. His granddad passed away and they were really close, so….”
“Oh,” I said, not really knowing what else to say. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Caleb said brightly. “He’s fine now.”
I waited for him to say more, but he left it at that.
“That period was intense,” Tate said, shaking his head as he speared a fry. “The kid was literally driving himself crazy, thinking about everything all at once, trying to right everything.”
“But it wasn’t as bad as the first time round, though,” Reilly said. “At least he had Raven this time.”
“That’s true,” Caleb said.
I kept staring at the water in my glass, knowing there was nothing I could contribute to the conversation.
“So what’s your story?” Caleb suddenly asked.
It took me a while to realise he was addressing me. I looked up, blinking. “What?”
“Why’d you move here?” His gaze casually found mine and sat comfortably there.
I blinked some more, looked away and said, “It’s a long story. I don’t really want to….” I shook my head and looked at the rest of them. Jade kept looking from me to her brother and back again. Her gaze narrowed every time it landed on me.
“You like it here so far?” Reilly asked, dumping all her tomato slices on Tate’s plate. I was beginning to notice the resemblances between Reilly and Jade.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Wroughton can get on your nerves sometimes,” Caleb said, running his hands through his hair somewhat self-consciously. “But it’s okay, in general. You might like it.”
“Maybe,” I said.
Tate’s head popped up again. “Not much of a conversationalist, are you.”
I shrugged. “I guess not.” Really, I wasn’t trying to be rude or standoffish, but talking to a bunch of people I only knew for a few hours was wearing me out.
“Is there anything else you say other than yeah and I guess?” Tate went on, forking his last fry. Despite all that he ate, he stayed as lean as Caleb was. Blake had a fiery metabolism too.
“You’re one to talk, Tate,” Reilly said, rolling her eyes at him.
“Yeah, you’re like the King of Monosyllabic Answers,” Caleb said. Jade laughed.
“That’s funny,” Tate said flatly. I never understood how people could do that, say that something was funny with a straight face even though they did seem to appreciate the joke. As he leaned back in his chair, he announced, “I need a drink. You want one?” he asked Reilly.
“If you’re going to get wasted again,” Reilly said, “I don’t want to be there to witness the car wreck. It’s embarrassing, Tate.”
“Who knew models were so uptight about everything,” Tate drawled.
“Bite me.”
The glass of water slipped from my hand, and water spilled mostly over me.
“Shoot,” I muttered and leapt up. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I kept saying, feeling ridiculous as tears started pooling in my eyes. And here I thought I was rid of those tears long ago.
“It’s no problem,” Caleb said, handing me a wad of paper napkins. His eyes widened when he saw my wet ones. “It happens to the best of us, right?”
“Yeah, don’t sweat it, kid,” Tate said, frowning as he stared at me.
Everyone present probably saw me as some kind of anti-social weirdo now. I suppose it was true.
After Tate left, Reilly and Jade retreated to Reilly’s room. They asked if I would like to join them, but I told them I was tired. I might have imagined it, but Jade seemed almost relieved that I chose not to impose my surly presence on them.
You had no-one else but yourself to blame when you were lonely. It all came back to you.


Three


“The past is not dead; it is living in us, and will be alive in the future which we are now helping to make.”
~ William Morris (British poet, 1834 – 1896)


The only good thing that came out of therapy was the pills. Sleeping pills, that is. Dr Oliveiro gave me a bunch of them on our second therapy session, after I told her about the sleepless nights and generic dreams.
The pills helped. They kept the dreams at bay, and on most nights when I took them, I was able to fall into undisturbed sleep until the next morning without