Blinded By Love by Rebecca K. (booksvooks txt) 📕

Now it was my turn to blush.He looked at me and waited for an answer. I said, "Do you want to know the truth? Or do you want some convoluted fairty tale?" He chuckled again and said, "I'd appreciate the truth if you don't mind."

I looked down at my shoes and murmmured, "I was wondering why you hadn't started making fun of me. Or made some comment on how I look..." He thought about this for a moment. Then suddenly, without warning, he leaned over and brushed some hair out of my face. I froze in place. Ever since my mother had slapped me across the face I hadn't let anyone but Jess touch me. He noticed me tense up and withdrew his hand. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that without your permission..." He was looking at his own shoes now. 

I waited a moment until I was sure I could speak without suttering. "It wasn't you. I'm just not- I"m not comfortable with people touching me. Something that happened a while back. It's made me cringe away from everybody but Jess when they try and touch me." He took this in and said, "You want to tell me what it was? Or would you rather not?" I thought about this for a moment before I said, "No. I'll tell you. You told me about your dad. This isn't nearly as bad. Not even close. But for my neighborhood it's bad. I have got a really shitty home life. I'm the oldest of four kids. I've got two younger brothers and a younger sister. I'm always the one getting the chores dropped on me even though everybody else is fully capable of doing them. I"m basically the live in maid-nanny-servant minus the pay. Not to mention they all make fun of me for how I look. My hair, my heighth, my weight... Even my parents.

"Because of all that I had started getting a very defiant attitutde towards my parents. My teachers. Everybody. My grades started slipping because I just stopped caring. One day my mom confronts me about it. She tries talking to me. Finally she just tells me to tell her what I'm really thinking. Why this is all happening. So, I told her. I told her everything that ran through my head. She slapped me. She slapped me so hard that I not only fell, but the next morning the entire right side of my face was swollen. After she had slapped me she left me in the kitchen to clean everything. Punishment basically. While I was cleaning my dad came in put his hands on my stomach and said, 'Rachelle, you're fourteen for Christ's sake. You need to learn how to stop eating every thing you see. You need to lose all this because it's not attractive. It's no wonder your brothers and sister make fun of you...'

"Ever since then, I just can't handle being touched. It makes me nervous. I actually had a panic attack one time at school because one of the seniors backed me into a corner and started playing with my hair because some rumor had gotten around school about it. How I had apparently freaked out on somebody and they punched me..."

He got a confused look on his face. When he spoke he sounded angry. "That's not fair. Those people are your family. You're not fat either. And besides, even if you were, whose place is it for them to tell you that? Those are the people who are supposed to support you. Accept you for who you are. And they go and treat you like that? Of course, my father's not a good example of a family figure either..." I looked at him and noticed he was shaking. I lifted my hand to rest it on his arm but thought better of it. Instead I said, "So, why haven't you started in on me? Everybody at my school does it. My family does. But you haven't. Why?"

He looked at me and then looked back down. He was blushing again. After a moment he looked up at my face then glanced at my hand resting on the bench. Moving very slowly and deliberately so I knew what he was doing, he scooted closer and picked up my hand and started playing with my fingers. He spoke as he did this. "Why do so many of us do so many thigns? Why do people lie, cheat and steal? Why do parents beat up their kids for no reason? Why do boys treat their girl friends like shit? Nobody really knows I guess..." I had tensed up again. But this time it was because of that very last remark. And he knew it, too.

"Okay, what's his name, and is he going to kick my ass for playing with your fingers?" I shook my head and tried to force my self to think straight but I couldn't so finally I said, "His name was Dylan. You'd know him. Tall. Kinda heavy set. Tough guy attitude?" A knowing look crossed his face. "Was as in ex?" I nodded my head and kept quiet.

He was still playing with my hand while he spoke. "What happened with him? I'm going to guess something bad... You're shaking." I knew it was futile to try and get past this, so I just started explaining. "Jess introduced us a while back. We were together for four or five months. He- He was weird. How- How he treated me. Like, if I was on his good side he'd be the sweetest guy ever. But, the second I didn't immediatly text him back, or agree that we were going to be together forever. I've heard it before. I just never thought I'd hear it come out of him... He'd- He'd call me stupid, a bitch, fat, ugly, worthless. And then- then he'd turn around and he'd take- take it all back. I n-n-never said anything about it. I just t-tried to stop setting him o-o-off..." I stopped for a moment to collect my thoughts and to try and get my self to stop stuttering. I sounded like an idiot. He was still turning my hand around, playing with the bracelet Jess's brother had gotten me for my sixteenth birthday.

"He broke up with me about two months ago. Telling me that if I wasn't going to invest anything into the relation ship it wasn't worth it. That he wasn't going to waste his time on an ugly bitch like me. The best part is, he can't see me. I don't know who told him. Probably one of the idiots at that school. After that he'd text me on and off, just to remind me that I was stupid, ugly, and then suddenly one day I get the worst message ever. 'You're a worthless, ugly, stupid, fat, bitch. Nobody would ever go out with you. If I had known you were so fat and ugly I would have never gone out with you. I'm so glad I never kissed you. Why don't you just go die? Nobody would notice anyways. Everybody hates you.' I changed my number after that. I was done with it. I hoped it would stop eventually that he'd get tired of tormenting me. But he never did..." 

I sat there, letting him absorb everything that I had just said. After a moment, I said, "I want to show you something. But, I don't know how you're going to take it. If you never talk to me again, I'll understand..." He looked up and just nodded. I grabbed his hand and ran it across my wrist, then the other one. A look that could only be described as a pitifully knowing look crossed his face. Without warning, he took my head and did the same thing. He looked at me with a pained expression on his face. "I understand. I really do. In some ways, your house is worse than mine. In others, mine is worse than yours. But, I do understand. Don't ever think that I won't..." I looked up at him. He was crying. I reached over to wipe a tear away, and he caught my hand. He held it against his face for a moment then let it go.

He turned again so he was facing me. Catching some hair in his hand he looped it behind my ear and tucked it there, but it only came loose again. Suddenly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone. "Put your number in." I obeyed then handed him mine. Carefully he punched in the numbers, then had me read them back to make sure he hadn't mixed them up. He leaned back against the bench and drew in a breath like he was going to say something. When nothing came out, I looked at him and said, "What?" He didn't speak for a moment. Then he said, "Would you be willing to put a picture of yourself into my phone? Like, take one?" 

I grinned and said, "Yeah. Can I take one of you?" Mocking a run way model he placed his hand behind his head and flung his other arm out dramatically. "Only if you let me take the picture like this." I started laughing and said, "Okay. That's your call." I held up the phone and he held it. I took a picture and he said, "Now, that you have a background image, you can take one of me so that I look normal." I looked at him and saw that he was blushing again. "Okay. Let's see it." He scowled at the camera and I looked at him and said, "You either smile, or no picture." He groaned and said, "Fine. But you have to smile too. I haven't seen you smile once this whole time."

I mock-grudgingly agreed and waited for him to compose his face into a smile. After we had both gotten our pictures taken we sat there for a minute. I heard him shift next to me as he slid a few inches closer until we were almost touching. He stopped and loked at me. "Just tell me when I'm too close. I won't push you out of your comfort zone." I didn't tell him that I had been kicked out of my comfort zone when he had started playing with my hand. When I flashed my eyes at him he seemed to understand that for the moment, this was close enough. He gestured to my hand which was laying in my lap now.

Giving it to him, I watched a relieved expression come over his face. As we sat there, I watched him turn my hand over and over. He brought my hand up to his face and examined the bracelet more closely. It had small delicate roses and hearts weaved into a vine, ending in a a small locket with the words, 'FTW. They all suck.' carved into it. He looked at me and said, "Please tell me that ass hole didn't give this to you. And if he did, why do you still have it?" I looked at him and down at the bracelet. I blushed and said, "No, Jess's older brother gave it to me as a sweet sixteen present." 

He got a disappointed look on his face and said, "Is he going to kick my ass for playing with your fingers?" It took me a minute to understand what he meant. Then it clicked. "Oh no. It's not like that. He's- He's gay. Just, o-one day he followed me home. I w-w-was in seventh grade and the entire foot ball team tried j-jumping me, he chased them off and gave me a ride home. He's like a big brother basically. He calls me his adopted p-pain in-in the ass. Fuck it all to Hell-Hell. I'm st-st-stuttering. Sorry."

He laughed and said, "It feels like something's engraved right here. But I can't see