The Unread Terms and Conditions by Monica Delray (motivational books to read .txt) 📕

not only because I felt bad but because I was in her shoes at one point. Getting beat up senseless. The only difference is that this was her family doing the harm. I didn't like the fact that no one was helping her when this started. I tried my best to keep her around for a while. I failed.

She ended up shooting herself in her room. I went to go see her and her mom was crying histerically. She died. She was gone. I wasn't allowed to go into her room. Her blood stains were all over the walls. Her mother didn't want me to see. With the mother just telling me about it, I can picture it. I didn't want to but it was in my head. 

I told Richard about her. Was consoling me through text message. I didn't talk to karla anymore at that time. I wasn't sure what exactly ended it all but she stopped talking to me. It didn't bother me as much. I was already used to getting left behind. It happens every year. Anna's death was in my mind for a long time. Richard would tell me to let her go and not worry so much because she's gone. She's dead. I knew she was. There are people that I can't just let go. I won't let go completely. They are still in my heart. 

                                             .              .               .

The voices were here. A little before graduating from high school, the voices and things were coming back. I wasn't sure what to expect. They came back stronger to me. Telling me to kill myself over and over. That was all they said. I didn't know what to do anymore. It was officially driving me insane. I tried again to kill myself. They were waiting for me. I don't know why, but they were there. I was about to pass out and my mind started to wander to what I have. I had my friends, Richard and Ericka. They were really the only ones I had left that still talked to me. It was okay though. Who needs friends?

Aftermath

 College is good. It's going by quickly. I know that now that life is fast and its unexpected. Things happen for a reason. My reasons for choosing what I did to get by made me regret what I did and why I did. My uncle came back. He came to visit. All my social media things just disappeared. I wasn't sure what had happened but it did. I lost touch with Richard. The only one that helped me get by was gone. He is now happy I'm sure. Which is a really good thing. He needed to be happy. He found his reason to exist.

I found my reason not to exist. My uncle came by yesterday afternoon. My heart felt like it was beating to the point where it stops completely. I would do anything to die at that moment. He scanned the room looking for me. I went on trying to find some company to be with all the time. But that didn't work out well. They were all in groups and I wasn't. I got used to being alone all the time. I think it's better for me. 

He got me to be alone. They went to the store and I stayed there. I wasn't aware of it. I had my headphones on. I got out of the room and it was completely silent. I went down stairs and he was right there. Just like before when he came to my house. I started to get all these memories and thoughts like all the other times before. I knew what was coming to me. So I ran to the door. He tackled me to the floor. That is when I felt like dying. 

"Did you miss me," he said kissing my cheek.

I started to cry silently. He got me up and got his belt. He tied it around my neck as tight as it goes. I couldn't breathe well. He was killing me. Just like how he always wanted. He ripped off my clothes and started to touch me everywhere. I started to cry out to Anna. To come save me. 

 He raped me.

 

 

Again.

 

 

 

 

 

I passed out and woke up on my bed. I felt so disgusted. I started to cry like I have never cried before. He has killed what was left of me. He destroyed the only sanity I had left. He ruined my life once more. The voices came back telling me to kill myelf again. Maybe it's time I do. I can't keep this up anymore.

I started to listen to music more often. My favorite song has been repeating over and over in my head.

Asleep by The Smiths

The reasons behind why I love it so much is what it says.

"Sing me to sleep

Sing me to sleep

I'm tired and I want to go to bed

Sing me to sleep 

Sing me to sleep

And then leave me alone

Don't try to wake me in the morning 'cause I will be gone

Don't feel bad for me

I want you to know

Deep in the cell of my heart, I will feel so glad to go..........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a better world.

Well, there must be.

 

 

 

bye... bye...

 

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Publication Date: 07-28-2015

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