The gospel of Itchy Wiggle Christ by Gregory-John McCormick, Ralf Dellhofen (best way to read books .TXT) 📕
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- Author: Gregory-John McCormick, Ralf Dellhofen
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another night of ugliness with horrible shit all around me the entire day, trying to slough off the evil and utter stupidity that clings to me like stink on a polish road worker. i´m so sick of this existence, i´m so sick of being alive and trying to make it through each goddamned day, knowing only that tomorrow i will wake up in the same shit, the same horrible faggots and loud screaming retards. i am so apart from the scum in this place, it is as though i am not even of the same species as the monsters in here - i am an alien, an outsider. and i would not want it any other way - if i were one of these creepy sick monsters, i would kill myself quickly. but i am not, and i cling only to a small hope that i may one day walk out of this shit-hole. but that is a small hope only, and it gets smaller every day, until i may have to end it all anyway. i only hope that those few people who keep telling me not to snuff myself out will understand that i just cannot take it anymore, and that i am not living in here anyway - my life ended when the nazis put me in this living hell. don´t forget, two shots apiece in the head. please deliver to me a better reason to live. or don´t, so i can get over this horrible existing for a hope that will never come. goodnight, my well-wishing audience.
and another and another and another goddamned fucking sucking piss shit eating night in hell, in hell, suffering mental torment at the behest of the michigan nazi prison system. eat my ass you dirty queers who keep me in this faggot heaven. i am afraid of touching doors or water fountains, for fear that i might get AIDS on my hands from all the sick fags in this place. i only wish the AIDS virus worked better and quicker - ninety percent of the prisoners in this hell would be dead and my life would be easier. i don´t give a flying SHIT about compassion or understanding. those days are over, no more "mr. nice guy", no more happy-go-lucky itchy, no more ha ha ha over beers at a cozy little outdoor beergarden. i am finished with all that shit - i am going to be ugly, to reflect all the ugliness i see. fuck this world, fuck me, fuck everything.
i find myself increasingly unable to write in the morning. the migraine medicine kicks my litte ass and i am by all intents and purposes a chemical zombie for the first hour that i am awake. then i start painting and all thoughts of writing are put out of mind. writing is something that i find interesting, but it is hardly a passion of mine. i guess my passion is music, but i have no real way of playing music in here, and i prefer to write and record music more than perform it. i like the darkness and confinement of my recording studio - if i have a case of beer, bottle of bushmills irish whiskey, a carton of camels and a week of no commitment, i can record an entire album -although, only a case of beer and one bottle of whiskey is a bit shortsighted of me - that amount would only last me a day or even less - i drink bushmills like water - i drink beer like i breathe air - so to make an entire album i would need seven cases of beer and seven or ten bottles of bushmills - and three or four cartons of camels. hell, throw in a chinese prostitute or two of them and my life would be complete - i´d get the girls to sing and play the instruments - i´d just sit back and get fucked and fucked up - have the chinese prostitutes bang on trash cans and torture small animals to record the screams. "einstürzende neubauten", haha ha. funny only to me, i know, only because it will probably irritate blixa to no end. he does not have a sense of humor, but he´s stil one of my favorite musicians. but i doubt blixa would appreciate my approach to making a music album. ja, it´s all a dream, or a memory of my past. i long so much to be in my studio, to be closed in and alone and able to make terrible, ridiculous, and nasty sounds. i wish i could paint in peace as well, but i do the best next thing - i have headphones on and i keep the TV sound up all the way to drown out the noise of faggot schwarzes screaming night and day. my life is a living hell, i haven´t tasted bushmills for four goddamned years. i am dying. goodnight, my sadistic torturer.
as always, whatever i seem to believe never comes to pass. it is morning, i am awake and writing! albeit i am in a chemical fog of the unknown, i´m up and writing against all i wrote last night. this is typical grégor stuff, i always believe one thing is true or real and then the exact opposite occurs - this especially happens with my belief in people - the ones like girls almost always. i think one thing and they do the opposite. exhasperating, yes. but i expect no better from life. life deals me a vicious blow every day i am alive, life has always shit all over me, i´ve never had an easy time in my fucked-up life and i never expect it will be any better. i am doomed to bad luck, misfortune, heartbreaks and pain. fuck you, life.
new terrorist informations obtained shows that the al-queda wants to target schools in the usa. this seems to me to be effective, as it is making american authorities scramble like mad chickens. as a sympathizer of the underdog and very interested in guerilla tactics and psychological warfare, i must say that the al-queda terrorists are doing a good job - they are no idiots. israelis celebrating some jewish holiday in egypt were the target of three explosions that killed 40 and injured 160. what were israelis doing in egypt? i thought their whole "thing" was about leaving egypt because of the oppression of yul brynner the pharaoh? is yul setting off bombs and blowing up vacationing jews now? i thought yul was dead from smoking camels? but he´s back, and this time he is REALLY PISSED OFF! i like yul brynner, he was a good actor, and i share a similar "look" as yul with my shaved head and heavy eyebrows. shit, i could be a terrible pharaoh setting off bombs! this is my future! but i have no quarrel with jews, only with american nazis and english oppressors in ireland. actually i really don´t give a flying shit about anything or anyone - only my freedom. but it is fun to imagine myself as a pissed off bomb-wielding pharaoh. i often like to imagine myself as the new king of ireland, too.
black plague, pestilence, disease, sadness covering the entire world, death of young lives much sooner than what fate had in store, fire breathing dragons clawing out my eyes to drink the eye-pus. taxi driver on TV for the hundreth time in five month, i watch it nonetheless - robert de niro and the cute crazy blond women who i can´t remember her name but whom i would gladly introduce to mr. wiggles, ha ha. blond girls scare me, but i´ve ventured into blond-girl-world a few times, never to a good end, though, the blonds i knew were crazy girls, mixed up bisexual girls that had no grip on reality. and seeing how i have no grip on reality, my being with a blond girl or girls was a bad mix. someone should have a grip on reality in a relationship. my last marriage to a schizophrenic brown-haired italian girl, sabina, did not go well either, she had no clue what reality is or was. we drank a lot and had strange sexual practices. it was fun while it lasted but the lack of reality destroyed us in the end. que sera sera, haha. so i will sleep now, the pill is hitting me hard, i am laughing about one of the saddest points of my life, breaking up with crazy sabina, or "sabinsania" as she has come to be known in my circle of friends. goodnight, you deviants.
saturday morning, another, just waking up. foggy in my head, cold michigan fail weather, filth and diseased appetites of what are supposed to be humans surrounding me - just perfect. just like it always is. strange dreams again last night, woke up thinking loud thoughts, "the story of my life" ringing through my brain. can´t shake the thought that something is terribly wrong in my life. bad mojo, bad luck, it follows me like stink on shit. what did i do in a past life to deserve this horrible god somewhere that can see into my heart, know that i am a just and gentle man, see that i don´t deserve this fate of a living hell in faggot schwarze heaven? what happened to balance? what happened to universal truth? did the nazis of michigan completely wipe away all sense of reason and justice in this world. it is so difficult for me to understand how balance can be destroyed, especially when an avatar of balance like myself is being tortured and kept in captivity for a relatively small offense,
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