36 days by Katerina Rose (books you need to read .txt) đź“•
Excerpt from the book:
My band hit it big, I have everything I could of asked for, a huge tour, amazing band mates, and a wonderful fiance back home waiting for me. If only he was the only one I was thinking about.
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- Author: Katerina Rose
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backed off. He did everything he could to ensure we would be fine, and deep down I knew I wanted to be with him even back then but I couldn’t risk it. I felt like I was a failure at relationships and I would fail him too.
Drowning in self loathing when I was roommates with Kat in college Jason stumbled into my life. He was sweet and nice to look at. He took my mind off my problems and I didn’t have a previous friendship with him so I didn’t fear losing anything. I fell hard and fast for him and looking back I realize how difficult this whole thing must have been for Daniel. He waited for so long for me to come back and tell him I was ready, and now I’m with someone else, and still toying around with his feelings. This wasn’t right. I couldn’t just do this to him anymore. He deserved so much better than me.
“Cassie?” ---“Cass did you wonder off again?” he waved his hand in front of my face.
“I’m sorry----I---“I looked at him. “Don’t wait for me” I looked at him.
He looked puzzled.
“You’ve waited long enough, don’t wait for me, you deserve a lot more than I could ever give you, I don’t want you to wait for me” I said. Even as it came out of my mouth I knew I didn’t mean it.
He didn’t respond. He still looked confused.
I got up, grabbed my guitar and walked back to the bus. I felt like some silence between us might let it sink in this time. Maybe he would move on and I could too.
We didn’t speak for a few days. It was a long bus ride, and I locked myself up in the back trying to write more music to clear my head. I hadn’t returned Jason’s calls in a couple days, I text him a few times to tell him I was too busy, even though I just didn’t want to hear his voice because it made me feel more guilty every time.
Daniel kept to himself, kept his headphones on a lot and fell silent during each sound check. I felt like I should say something to break the silence, it had been 3 days but maybe there was nothing I could say at this point to fix this. All I had hoped for at this point was maybe Kat had a chance to steal him away so at least I didn’t have to watch him suffer. Daniel wasn’t the type to be easily swayed though, and I knew that. He wasn’t the type to fall fast or hard or even try to fall at all if he didn’t want to. I felt like Kat would be trying forever and never succeeding. Part of me was happy, the other part of me was sorry I had caused either one of them frustration.
Days of silence was broken during a concert, as I ended one of our songs I heard Daniel’s voice over the sound system.
“Would you guys like to hear something different?” The crowd cheered for him.
“I’d like to play you something different for a sec if you’ll let me?”
The crowd cheered again.
I didn’t know what was going on. I looked to Kat and she looked confused, so I looked back at Levi who smiled at me. Clearly the boys were up to no good.
I looked off to the right I could see Alex behind the curtain motioning for me to move over and let Daniel take center.
I switched Daniel spaces, confused. He brought a stool over for himself and started strumming a little bit.
“How about a cover?” He chuckled into the mic. The crowd cheered once again.
I looked over at Kat and mouthed “Cover???” she shook her head, clearly she was lost too. I looked back at Alex, frustrated that no one told me what was going on. Alex mouthed “Go with it”
His guitar started playing a three days grace cover. One I didn’t realize he could play and the lyrics started, piercing through me all at once.
“I remember when I said im nothing without you….” “some how I found a way to get lost in you, Let me inside, Let me get close to you, Change your mind, I’ll get lost if you want me to, somehow I found a way to get lost in you”
The crowd was screaming for him. I felt very tiny in that moment.
“You always thought that I left myself open, but you didn’t know I was already broken, I told myself it wouldn’t be so bad, pulling away it took everything I had…. "
“Lost in you “I whispered to myself, 3 days grace. That was one of my favorite songs. And scary enough the lyrics seemed to fit the situation going on right now.
He finished and got up thanking the crowd for their support. When they calmed down he spoke again.
“I want to say thank you to all of you over the last few years you’ve really brought this band where I always knew it could go. My best friend Cass and I always hoped for this but it was always a pipe dream until you guys reached out and helped us make this dream come alive, but as you know all good things come to an end, and I’ve decided to pursue other things and will be leaving the band”
The crowd was shocked.
I was shocked.
Oddly enough Kat didn’t look shocked? And Neither did levi.
I turned around and saw that alex wasn’t standing there anymore, Oh he could run but he couldn’t hide.
“I just want you guys to know that your support has meant the world to me and this band couldn’t have made it this far without you!” Daniel shouted. “So I dedicate this last one to you guys!”
He started the music for one of our songs, and at that moment I didn’t feel like singing but I sucked it up and traded places with him.
We wrapped the set a few minutes later and as the crowd cheered us we walked off stage.
Daniel was already clear down the hallway. Kat was nowhere to be found, and levi was sneaking out into the crowd to meet girls as he usually did.
I stormed down the back hallway. Hell hath no fury.
“ALEX!” I screamed so that he was sure to hear me. In fact the whole damn place could hear me. I continued screaming until I saw his head pop out of one of the offices in this enormous auditorium.
I stormed into the room, Daniel stood just inside the door with his arms crossed watching me as I walked in.
I slammed the door behind me.
I screamed obscenities because there was no amount of normal words that would make me feel better in that moment. The whole band under minded me and kicked someone out?! This was unreal!
“WHAT the hell is going on!” I screamed at alex.
Alex held his hand up “This is for the best cassie! Calm down”
“Like hell it is! Who’s idea was this!!”
Alex paused “Well cass I felt---“
Daniel spoke up “No, it’s ok, It was mine cassie, Alex didn’t have anything to do with this, he’s just helping me get a ride home”
“What the hell? Your leaving now? Your not even going to finish the tour?” I spat
“Whats the point cassie? This is going to end anyway?”
“What do you mean whats the point?! Your part of this band! You founded this band! ---I---We need you! “
He sighed
“I’ll be outside guys,” Alex said as he walked past us and shut the door behind him.
My eyes welled up “Why are you doing this to me”
“To you?” he asked “I’m doing this for me Cass, this is what’s best for the band, this is what’s going to take you guys farther, I’m causing the problems here I’ve thought this through I promise”
“No,… No Your not leaving, You can’t leave, I forbid you to leave this band” I snapped
He reached for me.
I pulled away “No! Your not leaving!”--"I quit.."
“You can’t do that”
“I can! You always said I hold this band together! If you quit I quit!”
He shook his head “You’re being stupid”
“You’re being stupid!”
“Cassandra Jane Shut Up!” He snapped “I’m not doing this to you, I’m doing this for you”
“I need you here, I can’t do this without you, and I don’t want to do this without you” I started crying.
He hugged me. “I can’t stay here Cass, I’m keeping you from the life you deserve and we both know I’m the only hang up here, for you and Kat, for you and Jason, I just need to take myself out of this picture”
“What was that song” I pushed him away. “That was about me, wasn’t it”
“I learned to play it and Alex said it was fitting for my voice and I should do something to be remembered by” he said.
I looked at him
He sighed “I guess there was a reason I learned that song if you want to get technical”
“Please don’t leave me” I whispered and put my head down.
He hugged me again.
“You’ll be okay, I promise you’ll be okay” He kissed the top of my head and walked out of the office.
I turned around and faced the door way.
“What the hell am I supposed to do now” I sighed to myself.
Chapter 4
Drowning in self loathing when I was roommates with Kat in college Jason stumbled into my life. He was sweet and nice to look at. He took my mind off my problems and I didn’t have a previous friendship with him so I didn’t fear losing anything. I fell hard and fast for him and looking back I realize how difficult this whole thing must have been for Daniel. He waited for so long for me to come back and tell him I was ready, and now I’m with someone else, and still toying around with his feelings. This wasn’t right. I couldn’t just do this to him anymore. He deserved so much better than me.
“Cassie?” ---“Cass did you wonder off again?” he waved his hand in front of my face.
“I’m sorry----I---“I looked at him. “Don’t wait for me” I looked at him.
He looked puzzled.
“You’ve waited long enough, don’t wait for me, you deserve a lot more than I could ever give you, I don’t want you to wait for me” I said. Even as it came out of my mouth I knew I didn’t mean it.
He didn’t respond. He still looked confused.
I got up, grabbed my guitar and walked back to the bus. I felt like some silence between us might let it sink in this time. Maybe he would move on and I could too.
We didn’t speak for a few days. It was a long bus ride, and I locked myself up in the back trying to write more music to clear my head. I hadn’t returned Jason’s calls in a couple days, I text him a few times to tell him I was too busy, even though I just didn’t want to hear his voice because it made me feel more guilty every time.
Daniel kept to himself, kept his headphones on a lot and fell silent during each sound check. I felt like I should say something to break the silence, it had been 3 days but maybe there was nothing I could say at this point to fix this. All I had hoped for at this point was maybe Kat had a chance to steal him away so at least I didn’t have to watch him suffer. Daniel wasn’t the type to be easily swayed though, and I knew that. He wasn’t the type to fall fast or hard or even try to fall at all if he didn’t want to. I felt like Kat would be trying forever and never succeeding. Part of me was happy, the other part of me was sorry I had caused either one of them frustration.
Days of silence was broken during a concert, as I ended one of our songs I heard Daniel’s voice over the sound system.
“Would you guys like to hear something different?” The crowd cheered for him.
“I’d like to play you something different for a sec if you’ll let me?”
The crowd cheered again.
I didn’t know what was going on. I looked to Kat and she looked confused, so I looked back at Levi who smiled at me. Clearly the boys were up to no good.
I looked off to the right I could see Alex behind the curtain motioning for me to move over and let Daniel take center.
I switched Daniel spaces, confused. He brought a stool over for himself and started strumming a little bit.
“How about a cover?” He chuckled into the mic. The crowd cheered once again.
I looked over at Kat and mouthed “Cover???” she shook her head, clearly she was lost too. I looked back at Alex, frustrated that no one told me what was going on. Alex mouthed “Go with it”
His guitar started playing a three days grace cover. One I didn’t realize he could play and the lyrics started, piercing through me all at once.
“I remember when I said im nothing without you….” “some how I found a way to get lost in you, Let me inside, Let me get close to you, Change your mind, I’ll get lost if you want me to, somehow I found a way to get lost in you”
The crowd was screaming for him. I felt very tiny in that moment.
“You always thought that I left myself open, but you didn’t know I was already broken, I told myself it wouldn’t be so bad, pulling away it took everything I had…. "
“Lost in you “I whispered to myself, 3 days grace. That was one of my favorite songs. And scary enough the lyrics seemed to fit the situation going on right now.
He finished and got up thanking the crowd for their support. When they calmed down he spoke again.
“I want to say thank you to all of you over the last few years you’ve really brought this band where I always knew it could go. My best friend Cass and I always hoped for this but it was always a pipe dream until you guys reached out and helped us make this dream come alive, but as you know all good things come to an end, and I’ve decided to pursue other things and will be leaving the band”
The crowd was shocked.
I was shocked.
Oddly enough Kat didn’t look shocked? And Neither did levi.
I turned around and saw that alex wasn’t standing there anymore, Oh he could run but he couldn’t hide.
“I just want you guys to know that your support has meant the world to me and this band couldn’t have made it this far without you!” Daniel shouted. “So I dedicate this last one to you guys!”
He started the music for one of our songs, and at that moment I didn’t feel like singing but I sucked it up and traded places with him.
We wrapped the set a few minutes later and as the crowd cheered us we walked off stage.
Daniel was already clear down the hallway. Kat was nowhere to be found, and levi was sneaking out into the crowd to meet girls as he usually did.
I stormed down the back hallway. Hell hath no fury.
“ALEX!” I screamed so that he was sure to hear me. In fact the whole damn place could hear me. I continued screaming until I saw his head pop out of one of the offices in this enormous auditorium.
I stormed into the room, Daniel stood just inside the door with his arms crossed watching me as I walked in.
I slammed the door behind me.
I screamed obscenities because there was no amount of normal words that would make me feel better in that moment. The whole band under minded me and kicked someone out?! This was unreal!
“WHAT the hell is going on!” I screamed at alex.
Alex held his hand up “This is for the best cassie! Calm down”
“Like hell it is! Who’s idea was this!!”
Alex paused “Well cass I felt---“
Daniel spoke up “No, it’s ok, It was mine cassie, Alex didn’t have anything to do with this, he’s just helping me get a ride home”
“What the hell? Your leaving now? Your not even going to finish the tour?” I spat
“Whats the point cassie? This is going to end anyway?”
“What do you mean whats the point?! Your part of this band! You founded this band! ---I---We need you! “
He sighed
“I’ll be outside guys,” Alex said as he walked past us and shut the door behind him.
My eyes welled up “Why are you doing this to me”
“To you?” he asked “I’m doing this for me Cass, this is what’s best for the band, this is what’s going to take you guys farther, I’m causing the problems here I’ve thought this through I promise”
“No,… No Your not leaving, You can’t leave, I forbid you to leave this band” I snapped
He reached for me.
I pulled away “No! Your not leaving!”--"I quit.."
“You can’t do that”
“I can! You always said I hold this band together! If you quit I quit!”
He shook his head “You’re being stupid”
“You’re being stupid!”
“Cassandra Jane Shut Up!” He snapped “I’m not doing this to you, I’m doing this for you”
“I need you here, I can’t do this without you, and I don’t want to do this without you” I started crying.
He hugged me. “I can’t stay here Cass, I’m keeping you from the life you deserve and we both know I’m the only hang up here, for you and Kat, for you and Jason, I just need to take myself out of this picture”
“What was that song” I pushed him away. “That was about me, wasn’t it”
“I learned to play it and Alex said it was fitting for my voice and I should do something to be remembered by” he said.
I looked at him
He sighed “I guess there was a reason I learned that song if you want to get technical”
“Please don’t leave me” I whispered and put my head down.
He hugged me again.
“You’ll be okay, I promise you’ll be okay” He kissed the top of my head and walked out of the office.
I turned around and faced the door way.
“What the hell am I supposed to do now” I sighed to myself.
Chapter 4
I sat alone in the new city. In a smaller auditorium, I was on stage alone, strumming the chords to the 3 days grace song Daniel had played.
It had been 2 weeks since he left the band and the tour, and most of all me. I hadn’t quite been the same, and everyone was starting to get on my case.
I hadn’t heard a word from Daniel, Jason however had called me almost every day for the last week, though in the last few days I hadn't heard anything from him, I wish I could say I care though, all I could think about was Daniel. I felt bad though. Somehow his absence was creating more of a void than I thought it would.
I stared off blankly and kept strumming. Humming the lyrics here and there, and just thinking.
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