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her almost all of my nightmares.

“I’m really sorry.” She was hurt as if she was the one giving me the nightmares.

“Ash, it’s okay. They are just dreams.” I tried to comfort her and I was glad that she eased up a little which was a relief, sometimes she could be really sensitive, “Get some rest, okay? I will be fine.” I continued because I knew she was going to watch over me all night if I didn’t tell her to go.

Unwillingly she got up to go to her room, “Goodnight,” I whispered to her when she was at the door.

“Goodnight.” She replied and left closing the door after.

I woke up next morning with determination. Even though I was still worried about what happened yesterday I still could take it. But all these mysteries and unanswerable questions, I needed to find answers. I wasn’t willing to stay in the dark forever. I wanted to know the truth about what was happening to me, in fact I needed to know.

Because it was already too much to bear, up to the point I needed to lie to Ashley, something I’d never done before. I wasn’t comfortable with it, but I needed to draw a line from there. I didn’t want her to get in danger or worry about me even more. She was my little sister, I was supposed to take care of her and not her taking care of me. I didn’t want that. I got out of the bed and carried on my usual routine. And before I could finish Ashley came in,

“You are not ready!” she stated angrily, it’s not like I wasn’t ready at all. It was just that there was still couple things I didn’t finish, and she got angry for it.

“Just give me five seconds,” I said pleading so that she wouldn’t get angrier.

“Okay, I give you two minutes.” She grumbled, which made me rush quickly to finish up.

I put on my blue shirt, I already had trousers on, and I finished up with shoes. I grabbed my back pack and made sure there was everything I needed. Soon after, I was ready and my two minutes were over. I slipped downstairs for breakfast. I was already a little late so I had to do things a little bit faster. After a little while I finished.

Quickly I got in the car after and started it. In no time were on our way to school, and inside the car was extremely quiet. Ashley wasn’t talking to me but at least she wasn’t as angry as before. And I wasn’t trying to talk at all; first, because I hated the fact that I kept something from her and second, because I was still thinking about my situation. How messed up it was. How my life could take a turn gradually and at the same time so quickly. I couldn’t understand a thing. I could’ve gone to a psychiatrist, if it was under normal circumstances. I mean some mental illusions or something.

But everything was real, every one of my childhood friends died mysteriously and two of my girlfriends died too, the same way. The third one almost died, but she didn’t and now she didn’t even want to see my face. And on top of it all, I healed in just a couple of hours, wounds I was supposed to heal in days. Nobody could tell me that I imagined all that. That my mind was going through some kind of trauma, because that’s not true. I couldn’t have imagined Bratt beating me up, and if that was the case what about the blonde girl who saw my wounds and how quickly I healed.

In short, I was sure there was a bigger picture than what I saw. I just didn’t know where to start looking. I guess my whole life I’d been living in a tiny circle, some kind of comfort zone, until things started to change. But now things needed to change, so that I would be able to find answers.

We arrived at school and that’s when I realized I was driving way beyond the speed limit. The car came to an abrupt halt and the brakes squealed out loud. Ashley was supposed to scold me as she always did every time I drove too fast but this time she didn’t. She was concerned like she already knew that I kept something from her, and she did,

“Steve, I know something is wrong with you. But I won’t push you this time; just remember that I’m here if you want to talk, okay?” she said softly, “see you after school.” She didn’t wait for me to say anything, she walked out.

I was left by myself in the car. I was sick of lots of things at that time, but school made me sick even more. Thinking about going through same torture everyday made me sick. There was still one more year; just one year. I sighed and got out of the car. Right at that moment I saw Blondie waiting for me, and surprisingly I liked it. I didn’t know whether it was because I was becoming fond of her, or if it was so that she could shield me from Bratt.

As usual her face was plastered with a wide grin. This time it didn’t irritate me, I rather found it humorous. I guess I was learning to tolerate it, maybe her persistence was paying off. I walked straight to her,

“Good morning.” I greeted her, coldly. I wasn’t that close to her so that was as humble as I could get.

“Morning.” She replied charmingly, which wasn’t that surprising or different.

We headed to the class together quietly while she was she greeting some of the people on the hallway assuming she knew them, but most of them didn’t respond. Guessing being overly charming was how she was, and I was starting to get used to it.

Classes went on and on until it was lunch time and the blonde girl came to join me as her usual style. This time I wasn’t bothered with her presence I rather enjoyed it. I didn’t make any conversation with her though. I still wanted to protect her from this karma or whatever it was. I felt responsible for her, and I wasn’t going to welcome her in my world while I knew perfectly what was going to happen to her.

“So, I heard your girlfriend rejected you. I heard she went hysterical when she saw you.” She spoke out of nowhere, which surprised me how she found out about it.

“What do you care?” I mumbled anger lingering in my voice. It was so upsetting how everybody judged me without even knowing anything.

“Because I care about you.” Her voice was soft almost convinced me to change my mind.

“I don’t want you to and I don’t remember asking you to either.” I snapped at her then I got off to leave, but she pulled my arm.

“I know but I want to and I do care.” Her soft voice was almost enchanting, but it was not time to let my guard down, so I didn’t give in.

“I won’t let you then. I gotta go to class.” I roughly released my arm from her grip and left. I heard her sigh loudly behind me as if she was expecting me to react that way.

She was a weird girl, in every sense of the word. Some other girls would’ve been affected with my impulsiveness but not her. It was like my attitude made her more determined to try harder. What I didn’t get, was why couldn’t she understand that it was for her own safety? After all she must’ve known about my so called evil deeds or whatever. She should’ve acted like Veronica did. But she wasn’t; she kept being stubborn and hard headed.

I didn’t know if time moved right in my art class because it was time to go home even before I could finish my painting, anyways I would paint another one on Monday. I went to the parking lot waiting for Ashley while wondering if everybody heard about what happened between me and Veronica. And I was sure that everyone was thinking that is what I deserved. That I was never supposed to be with her in the first place. The very fact that Veronica agreed to be my girlfriend was a mistake that should’ve never happened.

Actually come to think about it, maybe they were right. I was blinded with her kindness and I ended putting her life in danger, and she almost died. I wasn’t going to do the same thing to Blondie. I knew from the core of my soul that if I let her in she was going to end up like Veronica or worse.

“Steve, are you asleep or something?” a voice startled me from my depth of misery, and I knew it was Ashley.

Looking at her face she was on high alert like I was going to collapse or something, but I wasn’t going to. I’d tried to hide all the things and worries that I was having, but it was becoming harder and harder every day to keep them from her. I didn’t want her to worry for me anymore. She’d taken years worrying about my life and comforting me.

Now I wanted her to leave me and be free, live her own life. What kind of brother would I be! If I would let my little sister forsake her own life for my already ruined life. I knew I’d pulled her for too long into my problems, at first I thought it was something that was going to pass. If I could’ve known it was going to keep happening for years I wouldn’t have brought her into them in the first place.

“No, I’m awake. I was just thinking about something. Come on, let’s go mom will be waiting.” I opened the door for her and she got in.

The trip home was eerily quiet, maybe because Ashley already knew that I was keeping something from her and she didn’t want to force me to tell her anymore. That made me feel real bad and guilty. I didn’t want to keep secrets from her. Especially, since she was the only one who knew everything about my problems, plus she was the only person who never doubted me even once.

But I already made my mind. I drew a line, that thing may not have hurt her but I was hurting her for burdening her with my problems. She was never going to live her own life if I was going to keep pulling her back. So enough was enough, I knew it was probably killing her to see me stop trusting her. I just hoped she would finally move on and live her own life; to focus on what she wanted to do rather me and my karma.

Now after realizing this was never going to leave me alone I was willing to endure her being mad at me. I wanted her as far away from my curse as possible. I didn’t want any of this poison to get to her too because I didn’t know if I would ever be able to forgive myself.

For the first time ever Ashley didn’t say a word to me. And her face was completely blank again; I couldn’t tell if she was angry, sad, or whatever. It felt weird to see her like that, but I asked for it myself so I had no right to be surprised, or angry over it. And the faster she could let it go the easier it was going to be for her to focus on her own life.

When we arrived home she kept being quiet. She got out of the car and headed inside and I rushed in to keep up with her. She greeted mom quiet happily just like the way she usually would. And I was happy for that, at least now I knew that she was angry and her anger

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