The Damned Utd by David Peace (easy readers txt) 📕

You feed apples and oranges to the Shah’s horses and shake your head; it’s not for you, not this country, not this national team.

But the phone keeps ringing and ringing, and the offers keep coming and coming. Aston Villa. Queen’s Park Rangers. But not England. Not for you. Not England. Not yet.

The trips keep coming too, the concerts and the photo opportunities –

The variety and the television shows, the newspaper columns –

But it’s not enough; not, not nearly bloody enough –

Derby keep winning. Leeds keep winning –

But not Brighton. Not you. Not yet.

* * *

Manny Cussins pours the drinks. Manny Cussins lights the cigars –

Manny Cussins says those five words, ‘It’s not working, is it?’

‘What’s not working?’ I ask him. ‘I haven’t been here five fucking minutes, so how can anything be bloody working yet?’

‘The players are unhappy with you,’ he says. ‘The players and the fans.’

‘So what do you want to do about it?’

‘If it’s not working,’ he mumbles, ‘then we’ll have to part company.’

* * *

This time last year you were trying to reach the final of the European Cup. Now you’re trying to keep Brighton in the Third Division; trying and failing –

‘We’ve bloody shot it,’ says Taylor.

‘No,’ you tell him. ‘You have.’

‘Fuck off!’

‘You’re never here,’ you tell him. ‘You’re always away watching so-and-so.’

‘I’m never fucking here? What about you?’ asks Taylor.

‘What about me?’

‘The players never fucking see you –’

‘They see me on Fridays and Saturdays –’

‘Aye,’ says Taylor. ‘When you dash down from the fucking television studios just in time to frighten them out of their bloody wits and then dash straight back to those studios to have a bloody go at them in public on the fucking box.’

‘Fridays and Saturdays,’ you tell him.

‘It’s not enough, Brian,’ says Taylor. ‘It’s not enough.’

‘You’re right,’ you tell him. ‘It’s not enough; not enough to be struggling down here at the bottom of the Third Division, not after what we’ve tasted –’

‘It’s gone, Brian,’ whispers Taylor. ‘It’s gone and you’ve got to let it go. We’ve got to start again, start again here. That’s how we’ll get back, that’s the only way. But first you’ve got to let go of the past, Brian. You’ve got to let it go, Bri.’

‘I can’t,’ you tell him. ‘I just can’t, Pete.’

Day Forty-three

I wake up in that modern luxury hotel bed in that modern luxury hotel room and the first bloody thing I hear is the sound of my own fucking voice:

‘It is ridiculous to suggest that I would deliberately go out of my way to destroy a team … I am no destroyer … No man in the country wants Leeds United to continue to be successful more than I do … It was the kind of thing I believe they call a “clear the air” meeting. I had a few words, the chairman spoke and then the lads had their say … The chairman asked if I had any objection to him having a word and obviously I am in favour of anything that might help to restore confidence … It was agreed the best thing for the club would be for everyone to give their utmost so that we could win a couple of matches. That is what we need most of all. That is how we can regain confidence and then there will be no need for meetings like these …’

I switch off that modern luxury radio and then I smash that modern luxury hotel room into a million fucking pieces and check out, a message waiting for me at reception.

* * *

You’ve been in this wilderness too long; this drunken, lonely seven-day week where the only sound is the sound of your own name repeated endlessly: Cloughie, Cloughie, Cloughie …

Now it’s someone else’s turn. Now it’s Ramsey’s turn.

In February 1974 the FA set up a sub-committee to ‘consider our future policy in respect to the promotion of international football’ under the leadership of Sir Harold Thompson, Bert Millichip, Brian Mears, Dr Andrew Stephen and Len Shipman –

On 3 April 1974 England draw 0–0 with Portugal in Lisbon –

‘I’ve had a very long journey and I’m tired,’ says Alf. ‘No autopsies.’

On 18 April 1974 Ramsey announces his summer squad for the upcoming Home Internationals and the tour of eastern Europe –

‘If you ask a stupid question,’ he says, ‘you’ll get a stupid answer.’

On 19 April 1974 Ramsey is summoned to Lancaster Gate to hear the Thompson Committee make its report, to hear ‘a unanimous recommendation that Sir Alf Ramsey should be replaced as England team manager’.

Ramsey is given £8,000 and a meagre pension. Ramsey goes on holiday –

‘I still believe in England,’ he says. ‘And Englishmen and English football.’

On 1 May 1974 the FA make an official statement terminating Ramsey’s position as manager of the England football team and, pending the appointment of a successor, appoint Joe Mercer as temporary caretaker of the national side –

Down beside the seaside, you wait for the phone to ring, for the call to come –

But the phone never rings, the call never comes and another season ends.

Brighton have played thirty-two games under us. Brighton have won twelve, drawn eight and lost twelve for us. Brighton have scored thirty-nine goals and conceded forty-two for us. That got Brighton thirty-two of their forty- three points. That left Brighton and us nineteenth in the Third Division –

It is your lowest ever league finish as a manager, lower even than your first season at Hartlepools United, lower than your first season at Derby County –

Derby County and Mackay have finished third in