The Ladies of the Secret Circus by Constance Sayers (the little red hen ebook TXT) 📕

“You must absorb me.” Cecile frowned.

“And?”

“You could die once we leave here. I tried once with Doro. It went terribly wrong.”

“No,” said Althacazur. “It’s not like with Doro. She shouldn’t die. I’ve altered this one in anticipation of this very moment. She only has one kidney, like you, Cecile. Her body is the most like yours so she can absorb you successfully. She’s the strongest of all of you. It should work.”

“Glad to know I shouldn’t die.” Lara swallowed. Her body was altered for this moment, like a vessel. She recalled Althacazur and Margot in the field that day; Margot asking if she was “the one.” He hadn’t just hoped she would become the human patron. He needed a soldier, too.

“No—” said Cecile, again sharply. “Absolutely not.” Cecile bit on her nail, considering something.

Althacazur turned to Lara to reason with her. “You will certainly die if she does not do it.”

“I got that,” said Lara. “I might be stupid, but I am present.”

“I’m not so sure,” Althacazur said from his velvet chair. “Any day now, Cecile.”

Lara kept focused on Cecile. “I get that the big bad is coming for me. When I absorb you, will it change me?”

She nodded. “You won’t have my memories, but I’ll see through you and you’ll feel me. You will feel different.”

“She’ll possess you, dimwit. Have you never watched a horror film?” Althacazur was picking some lint from his coat. “If you succeed—and it’s a rather hefty if—I’ll bring Cecile and Esmé back where they belong. And you will agree to serve as our human patron. I need to be free of this circus. Do you understand me?”

“I’m not killing for this circus.” Lara turned and met his eyes.

Althacazur rolled his eyes. “No one is asking you to kill anyone. If you succeed, you’ll vanquish Esmé—who should be dead anyway, so we don’t need the charm anymore. Although I admit, the idea of you as my human patron is almost unbearable to me now. And I thought Plutard was bad.”

“If you’re the human patron, you won’t be able to leave the circus.” Cecile shook her head. “Ever. Once Madame Plutard agreed, she could never leave. She was bound to it.”

Lara didn’t care. Her choice was between certain death or this circus. This was the only shot she had to avenge Todd. “Can I ask you for one thing?”

“Sure.” Althacazur spoke, but she’d meant the question for Cecile.

“Can I ride the carousel one last time?” Lara needed to clarify. “Before we do it.”

Cecile understood Lara immediately.

“Of course.”

Lara walked out of the main doors through the Grand Promenade, Tisdale following closely behind. She considered that if she succeeded, she would become the human patron of this place. It was like an otherworldly château mixed with a little Las Vegas. As she passed each room and attraction, she studied the ornate baroque walls. Outside the windows, amid the elaborate hedges, she saw clowns playing croquet and drinking tea from china cups. When they arrived at the carousel, she mounted the same horse as before and Tisdale pulled the lever. “Don’t let me go poof, Tisdale.”

The monkey nodded.

As the carousel went backward and the horse shook its head, Lara leaned into its mane and closed her eyes. She had one last moment alone with her own thoughts—quite possibly the last time she would be her.

The memories began immediately, starting with dancing with Ben at the gala. She felt his heat and the sense of safety he always brought with him as he pressed against her; then him laughing at Delilah’s, his overly starched sleeves. In front of her, the image of Ben morphed—almost melted into Todd. It was here that Lara stopped and tried to slow things down. She held his face. This was a memory—a true one—but she had the ability to alter it.

Before her was the final image of him. Lara was in her car. This was the moment that had haunted her—the moment when she’d failed to catch a last look at him. What she did next, she had not done in real life: Lara turned her head back to the house to see Todd standing in his driveway. The knowledge of what would come next for both of them in the world sent her body heaving into heavy sobs. “Todd,” she said, but he never heard her. Instead he turned and walked to the house, hands in his pockets. Like her, he never realized the significance of the moment. He would be dead in twelve hours.

Then as a movie cuts to the next scene, she and Todd were lying out by the river. The sun was cooking their skin, making them smell of sweat and suntan lotion. He slid over her body and kissed her. She pulled back, even though that wasn’t what she’d done in the moment. Studying every line and detail of his face, she could feel tears welling up with the knowledge of what was to come for them and what would never be.

“What’s wrong with you?” he said, laughing. He raked his hair and touched her chin.

“I just want to look at you,” she said.

“You have a lifetime to look at me.”

That he chose those words gutted her. This beautiful boy in front of her didn’t get a lifetime of anything. “I’ll always love you.” She wondered if he’d be annoyed at her at this moment, like he could get when she got too sentimental, but this version of Todd didn’t.

He stroked her face with the back of his hand. “I know you will.”

Lara held on to him, too tightly. She knew that. In the real moment, she’d never done these things, but she felt his skin now, the warmth of it and the hair on his arms. Tears flowed down her face and she kissed him deeply. A profound feeling of sadness washed over her. The horse slowed and Todd faded in and out, like he was illuminated