SICK HEART by Huss, JA (non fiction books to read .TXT) 📕

His secret weapon to wield in a pinch.

And Udulf has definitely found himself in a pinch.

“Did you know that you were the reason I stopped talking?”

Udulf laughs, places a hand over his heart, his gray eyes dancing. Eyes that could be twins of Cort’s, but aren’t. Because Cort’s eyes don’t carry that kind of malice. “I must’ve made a big impact on you.”

“Oh, you did.”

We stare at each other for a moment. I have, obviously, learned the value of silence over the years. And he’s an expert in it. So there is a long pause in our conversation.

Finally, he says, “Is there more? Or was that it?”

“I know who Cort is.”

“Well, my Cort is a lot of things.”

“Or should I say… I know who he was.”

Udulf’s eyebrow lifts up.

“He was in that movie. That one you showed me.”

Udulf’s smile gets tight.

“He was running through a shipyard filled with containers. And those containers were filled with children. And those children were… what?” This is a real question because my mind is unable to comprehend how these devils think. “What were they to you and Lazar and the others that night? Just… meat?”

Udulf says nothing.

“Just a game?”

He forces a smile.

“Like a deer in the woods?”

“You’re getting closer.”

“You and Lazar killed a little girl in that film. It took me a while to piece together who she was. Because even though Cort has nightmares about that night, he doesn’t really remember it. He doesn’t really remember Lazar, either.” Once again, we pause time and stare at each other. “But I do. How could I forget? You played that film on repeat for hours.”

“Did you tell him?”

“Do you think I told him?”

Udulf laughs. “That last meeting at the base camp would’ve been a bloodbath if you had.”

“I know how to keep a secret, Udulf van Hauten. And I have kept yours for over a decade now.”

“Come now, child.” He tsks his tongue. “It’s not like you ever had a chance to tell Cort anything until four months ago.”

I shrug. “I didn’t tell Lazar I knew either.”

“Of course you didn’t. You’re a survivor, Anya Bokori. You know when to hold a card close. You understand better than most that the moment of illumination is almost never the time to throw that card down.” He flips a hand in the air. “But your opportunity is gone now. You missed it, nyuszi. You’re never going to get close enough to Cort again to spill my secrets. He is no threat to me. He never has been. He’s going to lose. He’s washed up. Regardless of what I told Lazar, we all know that the only reason Cort won that last fight is because you helped him.”

I nod. “Mmm. Probably true. On both counts. But I’m not telling you this as a threat. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve figured it out.”

“Have you?” He tips his juice glass to me. “Tell me then. What have you figured out?”

“You… men.” I use the word hesitantly. Because they are not men, they are all demons. “You have to control everything, don’t you? Up to, and including, each other. And you use blackmail to do that.”

Udulf’s breath escapes as an involuntary huff.

“You do things. You film them. And then you hand that over to someone to hold over your head. It is a pact. A declaration of loyalty. And in this case, Lazar gave his over to you. That film you showed me that night. That was what you were holding over Lazar. It took me a long time to piece that together because you both look pretty guilty if you ask me. But even in your world, raping a child and skinning a child alive are two totally different things, aren’t they?”

Udulf is silent for yet another moment. Then he laughs. “What do you want? A pat on the back? None of this matters, girl. It’s all water under the bridge.”

It’s not. But I let that go and just move this conversation forward. “And Lazar had something on you too. Didn’t he? What was it?”

“Again,” Udulf says. This time with honest disinterest. “None of this matters. The secret Lazar was holding is gone. It has been… cancelled.”

Cancelled. That word makes me sick and I have to swallow hard to keep the bile from rising up inside me. “Not yet,” I say. “Because whatever else you may have done in your life, your secret was Lazar’s secret too.”

He shakes his head. But he knows I’m right.

“It’s not even the rape. It’s who you raped and who you didn’t want to know about that. Because if Cort knew, then, at the very least, he would stop fighting for you. He’d probably find a way to kill you as well, but that’s not even the point. The point is… you would have no fighters in the Ring. Would you? All your best fighters came from Cort’s camp. And he is their leader. One word from him and you lose them all.”

Udulf actually guffaws. “They all want to live, Anya.” I smile at him for using my name instead of the derogatory nyuszi. “They don’t really care about him. Just look at Maart. He will kill Cort tomorrow. And he thinks he will set the camp free. Fine. Let him think that. Let them all think that they have a choice. But then, you only have to look at Rainer to see how it will end up.” He shrugs with his hands. “My boys, my camp. They are all mine. And that will never change because they are slaves, Anya. They are nothing but slaves.”

I nod to move past this, but continue. Because I’m not quite done yet and he’s getting impatient. “But that night of the fight on the ship. That night I was supposed to be cancelled too, wasn’t I? Lazar wanted me dead because I knew his secret. You told him that I knew his secret. And even if I