Here Be Dragons - 1 by Sharon Penman (best inspirational books txt) 📕

so after war that you'll forget all else? Who is going to remind you that you've a wife in need of you, a wife about to bear your child?""Joanna, I have to do this.""Was that what you told Tangwystl, too?"Joanna at once regretted it; there were taunts that not even the most justifiable anger could excuse. She knew Llewelyn's grieving had been all the greater for not having been with Tangwystl when she died, and she said hastily, "I am sorry.""You damned well should be!" He turned away from her, strode toward the door, only to stop with his hand on the latch. Wheeling about, he came back, reached out, and jerked her toward him. He was not gentle, pulled her into an angry, ungainly embrace, made awkward by the unwieldy burden of her pregnancy. "Iwill be back, Joanna."She wanted to fling his grudging promise in his face, to say she'd see him damned and in Hell ere she'd beg him again to stay. Instead she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, for a moment buried her face in his shoulder.But there was no healing in their embrace. Llewelyn stepped back, again turned toward the door."Llewelyn."He paused, but she saw he was impatient to be gone, his mind already uponPowys and plans of conquest. "Take care of yourself," she said, and even to her own ears, her voice sounded strange, made tte and toneless by her fear."Take care," she repeated bleakly. "I woul look dreadful in black."

253ON arnvmg at Aber, Richard was disheartened to be told that his sis-was awaiting her confinement at Dolwyddelan Castle, more than a, y'g journey to the south But the winter was so far proving to be a i)d one, and the passes were still clear of snow With Welsh guides ho knew every rock and crevice of the Eryn heights, they encountered o difficulties, rode into the bailey of Dolwyddelan soon after dark on November18This was his first visit to Dolwyddelan, and Richard was looking about with interest as he followed Dylan, Joanna's seneschal, up the stone outer stairs into the keep But as soon as he stepped across the threshold, he sensed that something was very wrong Morgan ap Bleddyn, Branwen, and Alison were clustered awkwardly to one side, and barely glanced his way In the center of the chamberJoanna and Gruffydd were standing At sight of his sister, Richard felt a throb of alarm, she looked ill, eyes hollowed and swollen, skin showing a greyish pallor even in the warming, reddish glow of hearth fire She had yet to notice him, had all her attention focused upon her stepson Richard spoke no Welsh, but it was obvious that the conversation was a strained, labored one Joanna paused frequently, fumbled for words, and at last switched into French, saying in a very low voice, "What more can I say than that I am sorry7"Gruffydd had been staring past her into the hearth At that, he raised his head, and Richard took an instinctive step forward He did not dismiss the passions of the very young with indulgent amusement At nineteen, he was still young enough himself to remember, he knew that a child's hatred might be even more intense than that of a man grown, for the man's emotions were likely to be tempered with painful adult experiences in the arts of compromise and conciliation The child's passions were purer and more primitive, and the hatred of a child could easily get away from him, take on dimensions and depths he could not hope to control Such a hatred was now naked uponGruffydd's face, a helpless, soul-scarring hatred for his father's wifeGruffydd somehow fought back the words rising up to choke him, whirled and bolted for the door Joanna signaled to Morgan, and the Pnest swiftly followed the boy from the chamber It was only then that *e saw Richard "Oh, Richard, thank God1" she cried, with such an ensity °f emotion that what was meant as a welcome became an in-untary confession of despairRichard was not normally demonstrative, but he came forward th 8ave her a prolonged hug Waiting until they were together in r j^ wmdow seat nearest the bed, he watched her fidget with the lap e oranwen had tucked around her, and finally said quietly, "Are you ot going to tell me what that was about7"

284She did not want to tell him; that was evident. She fidgeted a while longer, lavishing undue attention upon the small dog curled up beside them. "PoorSugar, she cannot comprehend why I no longer have a lap for her to sit in."She sighed, then said with obvious reluctance, "I'll teu you. But you must understand how it has been. My nerves are so on the raw these days that I find myself always on the edge of anger, much too quick to flare up, to take offense. But I cannot seem to help it. In truth, I have been feeling wretched for months with this babe, even before Llewelyn left me, and these five weeks that he's been gone . . . well, I'd not ever want to relive them, Richard, not even for the surety of my soul!"He waited without prompting, for he was that rarity, a Plantagertet with patience to spare, and Joanna sighed again. "This morn Sugar ran off, disappeared without a trace. I was so fearful for her, sent servants out to search, to no avail. Then . . . then the child of one of the grooms told me that he'd seen Sugar down by the riverbank, ere he knew she was missing. And he said she was with Gruffydd.""Ah, Joanna, surely you did not?"Joanna flushed. "Yes, I did," she admitted, with a trace of defiance. "Iaccused Gruffydd of chasing Sugar away." From the way she averted her eyes, Richard suspected she'd accused Gruffydd of even worse. He said nothing, and she stroked the dog until the heat had faded from her face. "I was in