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my hair. All my make up is gone but that’s the least of my worries right now. As I open the bathroom door I see it is Justin and Chris that are yelling at each other. I stand back and listen for a minute.

“Please just let me go talk to her.” Justin is screaming at Chris.

“No, I will not let you force her into do this!”

“I wouldn’t force her to do anything! I just want to talk to her!”

“Back off, she needs some time to calm down. I’m not letting you in there.” Chris barks at him. I see this is going no where so I decide to end it.

“Will you two shut up!” I scream at both of them.

“Flower, I’m so sorry I didn’t think this would happen.” Justin tries to come over to me but Chris steps in front of him.

“I had a panic attack and got sick from it. This is no ones fault. So you two need to grow up and stop all the yelling.” I hiss at them and start walking to the dressing rooms.

There are four dressing rooms in this arena, they have put names on the doors. Justin has his own, one is for Peter and Chris, another is for Dave and Scot, and the last one has been set up as a snack room. I head for the snack room, I need a nice cold bottle of water. When I open the door Dave is the only one in here, I ask him to hand me the coldest bottle of water he can find.

“You okay? I know you got sick.” He asks handing me my water.

“I’m fine, just a panic attack.” I flop into one of the metal chairs at the table.

“Are you still going to try and go on stage tonight?” This is the most he has talked to me since I’ve been here.

“I don’t know, if Justin and Chris don’t stop yelling at each other over me I won’t!” I grunt and lay my head down.

“Chris is protecting his sister, Justin is protecting his woman.” My head is back up and I’m evil eyeing Dave.

“I’m not his woman. We are just friends.” I hiss at him.

“Say what you want, but I have never seen him act like this, ever. And I’ve known him since he was twelve.”

I just shake my head. I can tell I’m not going to win this fight so I decide to change the subject. “Dave, how do you guys do it? How do you stand on that stage in front of all those people? I’m not brave enough, I know I’ll mess up or I’ll get sick right there in front of everyone.” He comes and sits in the chair beside me.

“Want to hear what happened my first time playing for a sold out house?” He asked and I just nod. “I put my guitar on backwards, then I knocked over all my picks, and the topper was when I started playing the wrong song and messed up everything. We had to stop the whole show so I could restart the song. The guys understood, I used to have panic attacks too. At least you won’t have to do this every night, they just need you to do it once.” He pats my shoulder then gets me another bottle of water.

“There you are!” Chris screams as he walks into the room.

“Think about it.” Dave says to me “She’s shaken up but she’ll be okay” He tells Chris then leaves.

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?” Chris comes and stands beside me.

“No, I’m not okay. I’m scared shitless Chris! I want to do this for you, for the band, but I freaked out! I saw all those empty seats and knew that thousands of people would be staring at me tonight. I just freaked! Then my panic attack started, and that’s when I got sick.”

“I’m not going to make you do this, and I’m not going to let anyone try to make you do this.” He growls.

“If you are talking about Justin then I am going to kick your ass! He wouldn’t make me do anything, he saw how sick I got, everyone did! I don’t know why you two were fighting but you both better knock it off!” I stand up and throw my empty water bottle at the wall.

“Chris we need you on stage” Scot yells from the door, looking at me like I have lost my mind. Well maybe I have!

“Just rest, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He grunts and walks out.

Great now I’ve pissed Chris off! I’m so ready to scream! It’s his damn fault that I’m here in the first place! I wouldn’t be here stressing out if he didn’t bring us on this damn tour. I wouldn’t have had a jerk call me names and try to ship me off. I wouldn’t have had my picture sold to the papers. I wouldn’t have met the only person other then Chris that wants to be friends with me, I wouldn’t have met Justin. I wouldn’t be wearing these beautiful clothes. I wouldn’t have a Kindle or MacBook Pro. I wouldn’t look forward to watching The Golden Girls every night, and I wouldn’t know what it feels like to laugh so much, or to be hugged as much as I have. I hate this tour but I love this tour. Chris finally finds a permanent gig, gets to join a band full time and now all this has to happen.

I don’t want to be in the limelight, it’s not for me, but can I really let all this fighting go on because of me? No. I have to suck it up and do what needs to be done. I won’t do everything they ask, some things I will need to put my foot down on but going on stage for five minutes I will give them that. I jump up and head back to the stage. I can hear Justin singing their

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