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or somethinā€™.  Had a brand new Ford truck, I noticed, but he still whined about not havinā€™ any money.  Asshole.

Anyway, I saw that dog gettinā€™ knocked around by one of his kids -- this nasty little fuck named George -- anā€™ it bit him.  I laughed when I saw it; I mean, the little fuck deserved it.  But when his asshole father found out what happened, he pulled out a pistol anā€™ shot the dog as it cowered in a corner.  Then after he dropped us off at the bus station the next morninā€™, he went off to get another one.

I asked my mom why heā€™d be allowed to do that, anā€™ she snapped, ā€œWhat the fuck do you care?  We got our own shit to worry about.ā€

I used to have nightmares about that dog.  Till I finally caught on to what my mom was talkinā€™ about anā€™ started actinā€™ on it.  Right about the time my mom decided she wanted to change her life.  Too late for that, for me, though.  But then I met Connie, anā€™ sheā€™s the one who brought me back to humanity.  For a little while, anyway.

I met her at this rave downtown.  I was the promoterā€™s main connection for ā€œXā€ -- ecstasy for those who ainā€™t payinā€™ attention -- anā€™ I was sellinā€™ off some extra tabs for a nice little profit in the mosh pit.  I never did that crap, myself; it was too much fun watchinā€™ all the neon glow sticks anā€™ pacifiers swirlinā€™ in the darkness.  Lots of slim sweaty boys anā€™ slick hot girls twistinā€™ ā€˜round anā€™ glidinā€™ into each other while some overpaid DJ dropped tunes.  That promoter was a cheap bastard; he never had live bands.  Besides, if I had gotten wasted it wouldā€™ve been way too easy to get into the rhythm of the night, anā€™ Iā€™d probably have wound up givinā€™ the crap away to keep the joy goinā€™.  Anā€™ I mightā€™ve missed seeinā€™ her.  Seeinā€™ Connie standinā€™ stock still in the middle of all those fuckinā€™ gorgeous guys anā€™ girls.  No glow stick.  No pacifier.  Just a bottle of water anā€™ little smile on her face as she watched ā€˜em dance.  God, she looked hot.

I swung over to her, but she saw me cominā€™ anā€™ raised a finger at me.  ā€œNot for me, buddy; I gotta work, tomorrow.ā€

ā€œWasnā€™t gonna offer,ā€ I said -- even though I really was, as a way of gettinā€™ tā€™ talk with her.  ā€œJust wanted to ask you to dance.ā€

She looked at me, real tight.  ā€œYouā€™re straight.ā€

ā€œIn every way.ā€

ā€œI meant youā€™re not flying.ā€

ā€œAnā€™ I meant in every way.ā€

She looked me over anā€™ nodded.  I ainā€™t gonna be fake anā€™ modest, here; I knew I looked good.  I wasnā€™t as built up as I am now, but I was done up okay.  Anā€™ I could see from her eyes she saw me as a one-nighter, someone over for a quickie.  Which was fine with me.

So we danced anā€™ did the bullshit thing.  She was workinā€™ on a cheap-assed indie flick in Venice, some soft-porn thing for the European video market.  I got the hint that sheā€™d watched some of the shootinā€™ anā€™ got horny from it.  I told her I was open to doinā€™ somethinā€™ like that.  She told me the pay sucked.  I told her I was workinā€™ at beinā€™ a contractor, do roofinā€™ repair anā€™ shit.  Which was bull anā€™ she knew it, but she didnā€™t give a fuck.  She took me home to her place anā€™ we found out just how perfect we were for each other, that night.  Holy shit, did we find out.  She had to go to work with maybe two hours sleep, but she went purrinā€™, lemme tell ya.

I moved in with her two weeks later, anā€™ we got married two months after that.  Anā€™ for three years, it was cool.  Shit, it was perfect.  She got herself out of the soft-porn crap anā€™ into some pretty damn good indie flicks.  ā€œThings thatā€™re being made by the mini-majors,ā€ as she put it.  Anā€™ me, I got into the paintinā€™ gig, doinā€™ houses anā€™ small buildinā€™s anā€™ workinā€™ on sets when Connie referred me.  Anā€™ we fucked every night anā€™ loved it.  Loved it till I got busted for doinā€™ a buddy a favor.

Guy named Terrence, who asked me to cart a couple bags of coke to a friend of his.  Iā€™d done it before, so I figured no big deal.  Only Terrenceā€™d been busted anā€™ was workinā€™ the cops to cut down on his time inside, anā€™ he was turninā€™ over anybody anā€™ everybody heā€™d ever worked with, me included.  So I got grabbed with two kilos of coke in my backpack anā€™ was handed a sentence of eight to twenty for possession with intent to distribute.  The asshole.  I made sure word got into his mini-security facility that he was a skunk.  I hear his time inside was made wonderful by those who could do it to him, anytime.

Shit, fuckinā€™ Terrence.  Thereā€™s another asswipe Iā€™d like to take care of.  Not like I was gonna do with this bet; that fuck was too fuckinā€™ skanky for me to even think about it.

Anā€™ donā€™t start thinkinā€™ Iā€™m a racist.  Me not wantinā€™ to fuck Terrenceā€™s got nothinā€™ to do with his color; itā€™s got to do with the fact that heā€™s an ugly fuck anā€™ had some kind of prejudice against bathinā€™ moreā€™n once a year.  I donā€™t care what race a guy is, so long as he looks decent anā€™ keeps himself clean.  Anā€™ such.

I mean, I once wondered what itā€™d be like to do my thing with a famous black actor, youā€™d know him I said his name, if he wound up inside.  He looked like heā€™d be fun anā€™ frisky.  Not that Iā€™d even really thought of tryinā€™ tā€™ connect with him on the outside

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