Simply Feminine � Surprising Insights from Men by Wonderly, Morgan (best novels for beginners .txt) 📕

interest in Lee, he responds, “I need someone I can matter to. It’s hard to be around someone who gives so much and needs so little in return.” Hannah pleads, “But, look, I have enormous needs.” Elliot replies, “Well, I can’t see them.”

The best part of needing others is the bond it creates when we know we can count on one another. Needing one another creates deep appreciation for the love and gifts the other brings to the table. When we stand in awe of the capabilities of our man, he feels appreciated and valued.

Another example is in the 2004 movie Shall We Dance. Susan Sarandon expressed it well when she told her husband, played by Richard Gere:

“We need a witness to our lives. There are billions of people on the planet. … I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things … all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying, ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.’”

Nearly all the people in history who achieved greatness were either married or coupled. We can choose to live our lives alone, without a relationship. But if we want to grow and experience the greatest joys that come from sharing and connecting, it will most likely happen in a committed relationship or marriage. Thriving, enriching, loving relationships are the best platform from which to achieve our greatest potential.

When we deny our needs, we deny our humanity because we are being inauthentic with ourselves and others. The path to embodying our true feminine nature includes taking back ownership of our basic humanity.

Recap

Men have an intense need to feel needed.

We have an aversion to the word “need” when it comes to men because society teaches us to be independent of men.

Not needing a man does not endear him to us.

Having needs is not the same as being needy.

When two people unite, their combined efforts create a greater result than if they are alone.

Beneath every want is a need.

We feel autonomous because of our modern technology, which is a false sense of security.

There are three relationship styles; the only long-term workable choice is the interdependent style.

The admitting of and meeting of needs is the binding force in our relationships.

Explorations and Journaling

Have you ever been reluctant to admit you needed a man? Journal all the reasons why.

Have you ever felt shame around the idea of needing a man? Where did that shame come from?

What needs could you have a man fill? In what ways have you had a man fill your needs? How did it feel?

Have you ever told a man you need him? What was his reaction?

Would you describe your current and past relationships as independent, codependent or interdependent? How has each one worked out?

Describe an example you’ve seen of a great interdependent marriage.

What are some of your wants? What needs underlie them?

Ditch your smartphone for one day. How can you still get your needs met?

Chapter 6

What Men Need from Us

“There is one thing I think that almost all men want and that is to be needed by a woman. And when they can figure out what she needs, most men will move heaven and earth to provide.”

– Dr. Helen Fisher

Men Have a Few Essential Needs

While we women often have pangs of guilt over feeling we need a man, men on the other hand are not at all ashamed to admit they need us to thrive and feel fully alive. As men readily admit, they are simple and have few fundamental needs. They don’t require much, but what they do need is essential to their well-being. Meeting these essential needs can make the difference between a thriving relationship and a broken one. In this way, women wield great influence with men in their relationships. We can love and support our men by providing what they most need. If we do, they will in turn give us what we need and want to say we won’t have our moments when we feel unhappy his basic needs is a large part of what makes us feminine in his eyes. When he feels needed, useful, and admired by us, he won’t want to leave. If we fail to satisfy our man’s needs, his sense of masculinity suffers. When a man feels this loss of masculinity, his attraction diminishes, and he may leave the relationship or look elsewhere.

Men Need to Feel Masculine

Feeling masculine is the fundamental need that lies at the core of what it means to be a man. Masculine energy cannot feel complete unless it’s sparked and fueled by feminine energy. A man who doesn’t feel masculine cannot bond with a woman, and he is unlikely to stay in the relationship.

Thus, to the extent we want a man in our lives, we need to provide opportunities for men to feel masculine with us. One way to accomplish this is to accentuate the contrast between their masculinity and our femininity. When appropriate and opportune, we can bring awareness and admiration for our differences, such as our size, strength, skin texture, and appearance. We can dress in a soft, feminine way that accentuates the differences between our feminine bodies and their masculine bodies.

We can also let men know we appreciate their masculinity by commenting on their ambition, honor, bravery, courage, or strength of character. We can tell them we see greatness in them, and we know their potential to influence the world.

And, it’s smart to allow men the opportunity to play hero for us. If we have a heavy box or a tightly screwed top on a jar, we can ask him to help. For some women, asking a man for help can take some getting used to, but when you see its effects on men, it will start to feel