Quit Bein' Ugly by Vale, Lynn (best mobile ebook reader .txt) 📕

are you laughing about over there?” I asked, voice raw with sleep.

She looked over, her face guilty, as if she didn’t want to tell me.

“I don’t think it’s good for you to laugh right now,” she admitted. “And this’ll make you laugh.”

My brows rose. “I bet I won’t laugh.”

She turned more fully to face me, her feet brushing my side as she said, “Wanna bet?”

I thought about that for a moment.

Did I want to bet that I wouldn’t laugh? It depended on what I would lose if I laughed.

“Depends on what we’re talking about,” I admitted. “Are we talking about the fact that I have to give up beer for a month if I laugh? Or do you want me to mow your lawn for a week?”

She looked thoughtful for a moment.

“How did you know how much I hated mowing the lawn?” she asked.

Because I practically stalked her when she and I were both at home.

Because, when she was around, there was nothing else that I would rather do but watch her. Even if it was her sweating while trying to get her lawnmower started.

“Because I want you,” I told her bluntly. “When you’re outside in short shorts and a tank top, what else do you expect me to do? Ignore the fact that your beautiful thighs and ass are on display? I think not.”

Her mouth fell open in surprise.

“Did you just compliment me?” she asked with a note of surprise in her voice.

Which instantly made me feel like shit.

Had she never seen the way that my eyes stayed glued to her ass at the gym?

She had one particular pair of shorts that literally brought me to my knees.

So many times, I’d caught her with those shorts on, and so many times I’d nearly had a heart attack when I’d had to work out while watching her ass bounce around in those shorts.

And now, I found myself in a predicament.

Did I tell her how much the shorts made my dick hard?

When I opened my mouth to tell her everything that I felt when it came to her, she leaned forward quickly on the couch and started to read.

“What is Moby Dick’s father’s name?” she asked, eyes on me but alight with humor.

I wasn’t sure that I liked that gleam in her eyes.

“Umm.” I paused. “I don’t know. What?”

Her lips twitched. “Papa boner.”

I closed my eyes to will the laughter bubbling up in my throat to subside.

It did, but only barely.

It came rearing right back when I looked at her face and saw her smiling huge.

“What else you got?” I asked.

She narrowed her eyes at me, then said, “Two nuns are out cycling. One says, ‘I’ve never come this way before.’ The other one says, ‘It must be the cobblestones.’”

My jaw physically hurt from smiling.

“How does a bald man run his fingers through his hair?” she questioned.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer. “I don’t know, how?”

“He cuts holes in his pockets.”

I licked my lips.

“Why is Santa’s sack so heavy?” she leaned forward, causing her shorts to ride up.

My eyes went to her legs, and I kind of sort of forgot to hold on to my composure.

“Why?” I croaked.

“Because he only comes once a year.”

That did it.

I burst out laughing.

And immediately regretted it.

Seeing that smile on her face, though? That made it all worth it.

Upon seeing the pain on my face, the smile immediately died from hers.

“We should get you another pain pill and in bed,” she said as she stood up.

She started to gather our trash and take it to the kitchen.

I went to follow her, but the moment that my body moved from its spot, I realized rather quickly that the pain meds that’d been keeping me comfortable had definitely worn off.

Now there was a dull, throbbing, tearing sensation that was slowly killing me.

It was truly awful, and the nausea that I’d only thought was gone was back.

“Sit still, man.” She placed her hand on my head. “I’ll get it.”

I didn’t want her to get it.

But when I tried to drop my legs from the couch, I learned rather quickly that I was fooling myself.

“Here,” she said when she came back the second time. “This is the pain med and the antibiotic. They recommend that you take the pain meds every four hours.”

“Yeah,” I groaned as I held out my hand. “I’ll be making sure to do that. Even if I have to set a fuckin’ alarm. I’m getting too old for this shit.”

She snorted. “You’re thirty-five, Croft. That’s not old.”

“Thirty-six as of…” I looked at my watch. “Two hours ago.”

Her breath left her. “It’s your birthday?”

I nodded once and tossed the pills into my mouth.

She held out a bottle of water with the top already twisted off.

I swallowed the horse pills and sighed.

“Yep,” I said. “Way to celebrate the next year, huh?”

“Your parents and family are out of town on your birthday?” she asked, sounding horrified.

“Kind of hard for them to be here when I bought them the tickets that would allow them to go on a mini-cruise vacation. They are leaving out of Galveston, and I’d heard that it was not a bad drive down there. They are taking Raleigh, Ezra and the baby so it wasn’t like it was a hardship for them to go.”

“But it’s your birthday,” she countered. “That’s no fun for you.”

I looked over at her then. “I’m thirty-six. It’s not like it’s my sixteenth birthday or anything. This wasn’t an ‘oh wow,’ birthday. Just a ‘meh.’”

She rolled her eyes and finished picking up our trash.

Once she was done, she planted herself on the coffee table and looked at me. “Do you want to try to get up to your bed?”

“No,” I admitted, then gritted my teeth and dropped my feet to the floor.

The pain exploded through me, and I had to breathe through it in order not to pass out.

Damn, I was such a pussy.

Getting up, I put one foot in front of the other, getting to the stairs by