Legendary Daddy by Mia Monroe (each kindness read aloud txt) 📕

as the sun in the sky right now. No. So that’s good. I’ve made progress. I am definitely over Arian emotionally. But now what? I’m forty years old, and I don’t know what I’m doing with my career next. Am I directing? Am I filming? Am I still a Daddy on screen? These are all questions to which I don’t have any answers.

I have an opportunity here with Bentley. A chance to reinvent myself and start over. But it’s already complicated because we’re sleeping together, and there’s no way I can go back to not sleeping with Bentley now that I know how divine he is. He’s the perfect boy for me. In fact, he’s everything I wished I could have had with Arian.

Do I cross the line between relationship and business again? Can I trust myself not to let it get away from me and make sure my own needs are met while also respecting Bentley’s needs? I could do a lot for Bentley. I could introduce him to people. I could even invest. We can have something here if only I’m brave enough to take the next step. And that next step is going back into the industry that turned on me.

For months after things went down with Arian, I looked for work, but I was constantly road blocked. Lots of “we’ll get back to you” conversations. I didn’t blame them. Arian painted a perfect picture of me as the bad guy, and I let him. I considered changing my name and trying abroad. Anything to get back what I had lost. The last thing I envisioned was being washed-up at forty and proving my parents right that I should have had a professional backup plan. I have plenty of money in the bank, but I’m not ready to retire for good. I should have defended myself.

I rub my forehead. If I come back, eventually my and Arian’s paths may cross again, and I’ll be faced with the fallout. After it all happened, and I realized the extent of the damage, I found myself paralyzed, unable to move forward. I know I could have called Bobby, but I didn’t want to put him in the position of taking on an underdog. It’s a strange thing to go from the height of your career to the bottom of it in a matter of months. I never want that to happen again.

Maybe the best thing I can do for myself right now is to forget about performing for now, I don’t want to suck Bentley into the problems I’ve created. He’s too sweet. Too fresh to ruin so early on. As much as I would love to help him in his journey, maybe that’s not my role in his life. Maybe my role is to watch him fly and accept that my time has passed. As depressing as that is.

My phone rings, and I sigh when I see the caller ID. It’s Matteo, my oldest pre-porn-career friend. I love him like a brother, but talking to him always feels like pouring alcohol in the thousand paper cuts I bear. His dream career is thriving, he has a loving relationship, and he’s one of the happiest guys I’ve ever met. I always feel a little insufficient. But he’ll keep calling if I don’t answer, so here we go, and, really, it’s my problem.

“Hey, Matty,” I answer.

“Legend, my man. How’s it hanging?”

“Beautifully and to the left as always.”

Matteo laughs. “Excellent. Seriously though, how are you?”

“Decent, all things considered. You?”

“I’m arriving in LA tomorrow.”

I perk up. “For?”

“You won’t fucking believe it, but I’m telling you anyway.”

“Hit me.”

“Business is booming, man. Market research shows there’s an opportunity to expand in the LA metro area. My business partner Lake and I agree that I should scout it.”

“Dude. Seriously? Who would run it?”

“Maybe you.”

“Matty. I don’t know shit about running a sensual photography studio.”

“I would teach you.”

I shake my head. “Anyway, what time are you coming down?”

“Morning. Can I crash at your place?”

“Stupid fucking question. I’ll go out with you if you want company.”

“I sure do.” His pause piques my curiosity. “I’m, um, thinking of a permanent move if things work out down there.”

“What? You could have led with that. What about James?”

“Yeah, about that. We’re taking a break.”

My heart plummets. “Oh no. Why?”

“He’s just looking for something different. We love each other, but what we need doesn’t match up.”

“I thought he came around to the Daddy stuff.”

“So did I. He told me last Saturday that he finds it oppressive.”

“Fuck.”

Matteo loves James. So much so that he tried to bury his Daddy needs. They agreed to meet in the middle, but I guess that hasn’t been working.

“I’m sorry, dude. I know he means a lot to you.”

“Yeah.” His normally happy voice cracks. “It’s better this way though. If I’m not what he needs, then what’s the point, right?”

“You need to rephrase that, my friend. If he’s not what you need, then what’s the point?”

“I guess. It sucks, man. I gave him everything I had. Now I’m just...lost.”

“If anyone understands how you feel, it’s probably me. All I can tell you is that it gets better. The relentless thoughts of what you could have done differently start to fade. Little by little, you begin to discover yourself again. The things you gave up for that person, seduce you once more. Eventually, they aren’t the first thing you think of when you wake up or the last thought before you fall asleep. But it takes time.”

“If I wasn’t there for you enough after Arian, I’m sorry. I was in my own shit.”

“Apology not needed. That’s what’s awesome about our friendship. No matter what, it’s always there.”

“Yeah. I figure LA might be a good change of pace. I can lose myself in something I’ve always loved, and rebuild.”

“And I’m here.”

“That’s the other reason. Speaking of, what are you doing these days?”

“Considering next steps. I met someone who’s just getting his feet wet in the industry. Directing. There’s something in