Searching (PAVAD- FBI Romantic Suspense Book 18) by Calle Brookes (100 books to read in a lifetime txt) 📕

clock, he would do just that. Tangle his hands in that red hair, disturb the prissy little braid she had it in. Get his hands on her like he really wanted. Looking at her, he knew the truth.

Jac had no clue how he actually felt about her. Not a clue.

“Visitation rights? I’m not sure it works that way. Besides, you keep her too many times and she might just want to stay. She loves you.”

Jac smirked at him and nodded. “Yes, visitation rights. For slumber parties and trips to the mall, and movie theaters and cooking classes and shoe shopping. Those sorts of things.”

All things Emery loved. Things that terrified Max to his own size thirteens. Maybe he’d give Jac these visitation rights—provided he was included with her and his daughter. The two females he loved the most. “And how do you suggest we do that?”

“We stop avoiding one another? Stop letting it feel so awkward when we’re together. So that we’re not so aware of each other when we are together? That would be a good place to start. It was just one kiss, you know. Nothing earth shattering. Not even the least bit memorable.” She shot him a snarky look from green eyes. Max snorted. “Not even the last kiss I’ve had this year, by the way.”

It had sure shattered his earth. Changed everything about his world in an instant.

“We haven’t exactly been avoiding each other. Our schedules just haven’t overlapped much. Except for Masterson. Who have you kissed?” Now, he had images of her wrapped up in another man’s arms. Jealousy and fury warred until he got himself in control.

She was free to kiss whoever she wanted.

For now.

They’d probably been in the same room two dozen times since the original argument. And that night. Most of those two dozen had been on their case in Masterson.

When they had been in the same room it was all about work. It had been driving him crazy—seeing her, not being able to touch her the way he wanted.

Wanting Jac, but not having her.

He never would have imagined feeling this way about her even a year ago.

Or maybe he’d just been a stupid idiot with blinders on. Maybe he’d wanted her for a good long while.

Hellbrook had pointed that out to him when he’d first applied for the transfer the day after the kiss. Hellbrook had claimed he was speaking from experience. He’d suggested that Max hadn’t let his attraction for Jac surface before now because he had been hurting over Pamela and what had happened with her when he’d first met Jac.

Hellbrook thought Max had most likely suppressed how he felt for Jac as a form of self-preservation. They’d built a comfortable relationship between them after that. Until that comfort became the status quo.

Hellbrook and his wife, Georgia, had hated each other on sight. That was the exact opposite of Max and Jac.

Or maybe Hellbrook had been right. Max had used friendship to hide what he was really feeling because he hadn’t been emotionally ready to let those feelings in.

Not where a woman was concerned. Any woman.

“You have been avoiding me even when I am standing right next to you.” There went the arms again. Right under her small breasts.

He found that...distracting.

He’d spent the last eleven weeks and six days dreaming about what her breasts would look like, late at night when he’d wake in a strange hotel room and wish she was in the room right next door.

To be honest with himself, he’d wished she was in his bed every time he woke. Every single time. The things he’d imagined the two of them doing…

That was driving him crazy. “I...hell, Jac...what was I supposed to say?”

“Come on. What happened wasn’t that big of a deal. Or at least, it shouldn’t be.” She shot him a smirk. One that had his gut heating. Jac knew she had him on the hook, and she was feeling confident. She liked having him twisting right now. “You’re not the first guy I’ve kissed. First one I’ve sent running for the hills, though.”

“It wasn’t about the kiss.” The words slipped out before Max could stop them.

“Then what was it about?”

“Change.” He was never going to lie to her about it. He owed them both that honesty. He’d rehearsed this speech a thousand times since then. “In that moment, I saw my whole world change. And I panicked.”

“No kidding. You ran like your pants were on fire.”

“And I hurt you in the middle of it. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I just...Pamela had asked me to consider reconciling that weekend. And I was trying to figure out how to tell her no without jamming a wedge between her and Emery. You know how rocky it’s been between them lately. I had to let her down easy, without her going off the rails and hurting Emery somehow. You…you have always been my constant and to have that changing, too…I panicked. Flat out panicked. And ran. I’m not proud of it. Hell, it’s one of the few times in my life I’ve ever run from anything like that.”

She nodded. She’d witnessed firsthand some of the problems between him and Pamela.

“When you came at me over your sister...arguing with you, I just sort of flashed back to arguing with Pamela. I lost control. And I’m sorry for that. I’ve regretted it a million times since that night.”

“You can’t control everything. We both know that. That lesson is one we both have in common—that’s for sure.” Jac leveled a look at him, still perched on the edge of his desk. “Why didn’t you just talk to me? Instead, you were gone the next day. Off the team. Even though we’ve argued before.”

“Hell, I panicked. Made a split-second decision when Hellbrook asked me to consider switching teams when he needed someone to fill an available spot. Temporarily. It was supposed to be temporary reassignment. I thought some distance between us would somehow fix what I felt was happening. Stupid, and I’ve regretted it. To some