Here Be Dragons - 1 by Sharon Penman (best inspirational books txt) 📕

again. Henry was so delighted at the success of his stratagem that it was some time before Joanna was able to disengage herself, to join Elen in the window seat."Darling, are you all right? Why are you sitting over here by y°ur self?" .fell "I'm fine, Mama, truly." Elen summoned up a smile. "So .me. How does it feel to be legitimate after all these years?"

569"I'm not sure My father would likely have found this hilarious, but I doubt that my mother would have seen the joke. How could she7""Speaking of jokes, what did Papa say to make you laugh so7"Joanna grinned "Oh, that He asked me if conditional legitimacy was like being somewhat pregnant HeElen, what is it7" For Elen had not been able to turn away in time, Joanna had seen the sudden tears well m her daughter's eyes"Elen " Rising, Joanna caught Elen's hand, drew her reluctant daughter to her feet "Let's go out into the gardens, where we can talk ""I have nothing to say, Mama ""Well, I do,"Joanna said, propelling Elen toward the doorThe garden at Shrewsbury was enclosed by whitethorn hedges, within the flowery mead were several wooden benches and a small fountain Joanna and Elen halted before the fountain, while Joanna searched for the right words"Elen sometimes men act kindly toward their wives in public, seem to be loving husbands But these same men then treat their wives very differently in privateMost women have no choice but to suffer in silence But that is not true for you, darling I know you are unhappy If that is why, if John is abusive or cruel to you, for God's sake, tell me We can help, Elen But we can do nothing as long as yqu keep silent "Elen had plucked a briar rose, was dropping the petals, one by one, into the fountain "Oh, Mama, do you not know me better than that7 Do you truly thinkI'd stay with a man who beat me?""Well, then, what is it7 Is he openly unfaithful7 Has he brought a mistress into the castle keep7""Are those your standards for sympathy, Mama7 If he beats me or flaunts his sluts, I'm deserving of pity If not, I bear my lot as best I can ""Elen, I did not say that1"Elen picked up a daisy this time, it soon joined the shredded rose in the fountain "No," she admitted after a long pause, "you did not, did }ou7 To answer your question, I cannot say with certainty that John is faithful, but he is discreet You and Papa were right about him He is "ideed a good manpious, courageous, steadfast, and honest " She urned away from the fountain, began to pace "What woman could ask °rmore in a man7 What woman would have the right to ask for more7"Joanna followed her across the grassy mead "Yet you are not content"E'en shook her head "No I feel feel trapped I expect that c Unc's right foolish, but it's true all the same Do you remember that°ed magpie I had as a child, how fond I was of it7 I will not permit" maids to keep pet birds on any of our manors, cannot abide them

570Joanna caught her breath. "Ah, child, why did you not confide jn me ere this?"Elen shrugged. "I did once, Mama. I told you I did not want to marry John, and what did that avail me?" As always when she was distraught, she could not keep still, but moved restlessly back and forth heedlessly trampling flowers underfoot. "John and I never quarrel' Would you believe me if I told you that in nigh on four years I've never seen him well and truly wroth? He believes in control, you see. He does not argue, he analyzes. He even explains my own emotions to rne, pa. riently shows me not only how I erred, but why. So you need not fear, Mama. He hardly sounds like an abusive husband, does he?""No," Joanna said slowly. "Just an unloved one," and Elen turned her head away, surreptitiously brushed the back of her hand against her cheek."At first I was glad when I did not get with child; that may be sinful, but Iwas. After a time, though, I could not help wondering why I did not become pregnant. And . . . and then I began to want a baby, my baby. For the first time in my life, I took an interest when other women talked of birthing and children and the marriage bed, of the ways a barren wife might conceive. So Iput mistletoe over our bed. I drink feverfew and anise, in wine. I pray to StMargaret. And each month I count the days, dread that first spotting of blood...""Darling, you must not give up hope. Isabelle was barren for six full years ere she finally conceived. But she then was able to give my father five healthy children, and four so far to Hugh de Lusignan. Nor is she the only""Mama, I know you mean well. But that is no comfort. Better I should face the truth, that my marriage is barren." Elen laughed suddenly, mirthlessly."Barren in every sense of the word!" Choking back a sob, she spun about, fled the garden.Joanna reached out, caught the edge of the fountain for support. This was her fault, all her fault. When she'd wept upon being told she must wed a WelshPrince, Isabelle had sought to comfort her, assuring her she'd learn in time to be content with Llewelyn. Isabelle had been right; most women did adjust, did find a measure of contentment in a but the most wretched marriages. But not Elen. And she should have realized that, should have known the marriage was doomed. When n Elen ever learned to compromise? Did it even matter that she brougf much of her unhappiness upon herself? How could she blame Elen the nature God had given her? It