Irresistible Bachelors: Books 1-5 by Landish, Lauren (bts books to read TXT) 📕

to get signed. I feel the happiness too, but it’s bitter in my mouth and I swallow reflexively. “Yeah. Let’s get those papers signed . . . then . . .”

“Yeah?”

“I just wanna go home.”

* * *

Fourteen hours.

Now, normally, if I think of doing something for fourteen hours, I’m not this exhausted. I’ve done fourteen hours at work before, I’ve done fourteen hours shopping—okay, I was tired then—I even once had an ex who wanted to do a ‘sex-a-thon’ that lasted almost that long before he tapped out.

In none of them have I been this exhausted. The plane ride was hell, not because of the seats, but just because it felt like every step going through the airport, I had a huge rubber band pulling me back, telling me not to go. I couldn’t get much sleep on the plane. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Tony, and twice, Cassie shook me awake from a nightmare of chasing after Tony and him disappearing into darkness.

Now I walk into my modest apartment, and at the first sniff, I hate it. It’s not that it’s dirty. I made sure to scrub the place before I left, but looking around the soulless, empty cracker box, I just hate it. It’s everything that Wesley’s place wasn’t. There’s white paint on the walls, a tasteful and chic tile floor, steel in the kitchen . . . and I don’t even have a plant to water. There’s no soul, there’s nothing that says Hannah Fowler lives here. I don’t have any photos on the walls, no mementos, nothing. Except for Mr. Felix’s stuff, it’s like I’m paying monthly rent on a room at a Ramada.

I sigh again, putting my bag down and wishing for a little bit of beauty. The sunsets were the best, but I can’t see a damn thing except the city from my single double-paned, hermetically sealed glass door. I don’t even want to open it anyway. It’ll let in too much smell of fried hydrocarbons and humanity, when all I really want is rich forest smells, mangoes on a humid breeze, and a kiss of salt in the evening air.

I don’t have a home. I have a sleeping box. It’s fucking hollow, just like my victory, and now, just like my heart, which has ached constantly since seeing Tony drive away. I look at my bag, I know I should put my stuff away, but fuck it. I have a closet full of things.

My phone rings, and I see that it’s Roxy. “Hey, babe, how’s it going?” I answer.

“I thought that’d be my line,” Roxy says chirpily. “So, how’s it going?”

“I’m back,” I admit, lying back on my couch. “In the end . . . well, we won. I got the contract.”

“Congratulations! Isn’t that good news? Why don’t you sound happy?”

I feel something unknot in my chest, and in moments, the tears I’ve been holding back for hours start flowing down my cheeks, and I find myself telling Roxy everything. Every challenge, every tease Tony and I sent back and forth . . . everything. “And now, I’ve got a feather in my cap that a lot of people would kill for, and I don’t care. I love him, Roxy. I love him and he’s gone.”

“Babe . . .” Roxy says quietly, letting my tears quiet down. “Okay, listen. I know you’re wiped by jet lag, but as soon as you can, let’s get together and talk about this. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon, but what about tomorrow evening?”

“Maybe Friday would be better, Rox. No offense, but I plan on going to work tomorrow, getting the pat on the back that maybe will make me feel better about this, and then sleep my ass off.”

After we finish, I decide I’m too tired to go out and order some Chinese delivery. When it comes, I’m barely able to get it down. Instead of fresh foods like I’ve been eating, it’s quick and in a box. I get halfway through the sweet and sour pork before giving up and deciding that I need to get ready for tomorrow.

Myra sent me an email. I’ve got a presentation to the Aurora board, and I need to make sure that’s good before I go to bed.

I’m in the middle of my routine when my eyes fall on the picture Tony and me taken at the falls. I set my laptop to cycle through photos as the screensaver. In it, I’m happily in his arms, my smile as bright as the sun. I try, but I can’t remember the last time I saw such a lively spark in my eyes. I look genuinely happy in the photo. And so does Tony.

My heart skips a beat as I feel tears prick my eyes. Oh, how I miss him already.

He told me to call him.

I resist the urge to grab my phone and dial his number. He said to call when the contract was settled, but my pain is too fresh. I’ll just break down at the sound of his voice.

Sighing, I resume going about getting prepared for tomorrow.

* * *

The next morning, I’m still feeling like a space zombie as jet lag combines with everything else as Cassie pulls around in her little Toyota. “Hey, did you get any sleep at all?”

I shake my head, quickly sucking more homebrew iced espresso. At least my outfit looks good. I made sure of that. “An hour or two. You?”

Cassie shrugs and puts a hand on my thigh. “I’m so sorry,” she says quietly. “I know I gave you some hard times, but you were great over there. I really wish things could have turned out differently for you and Tony.”

“It’s okay. We got the contract and we both keep our jobs, so something good came out of our trip.”

“Yeah, there is that.” Cassie pulls away from the curb while I nurse my bottle some more, hoping I don’t hit caffeine overload before lunch.