A Christmas to Dismember by Addison Moore (best desktop ebook reader TXT) 📕

“It’s nice to know you still have standards.”

Fish presses her paws up over my chest. Who should we gift Jacko to?

“I’m thinking Jack belongs with Camila.” I quickly shoot him her number. “That’s what she gets for landing me in hot water to begin with.” I wince up at Jasper. “I sort of landed myself there, didn’t I?”

“You did.” His chest vibrates with a laugh. “I think you’re going pro.”

Huxley and Mackenzie materialize, and soon Hux has Jasper embroiled in a conversation about a case he’s working on. Apparently, Jasper helped arrest the person Hux is defending.

Mackenzie seizes the moment to drag me off to the side by way of yanking my arm. She’s donned a long red and white checkered coat, and I loathe how much I’m lusting after it. Her chestnut hair is pulled back and her makeup looks on point. I’m guessing she would have racked up a few more numbers than I did at that slimy shindig earlier. Or if she was in the mood to go old school, she could have just stolen the men who were interested in me like she did back in high school.

Try not to drop me, Bizzy, Fish yowls. How dare she touch you like this. I’m suddenly craving a matching set of wicked eyeballs for Christmas, she says as she swipes for Mack.

“Hey”—Mackenzie barks down at her—“keep your paws and claws to yourself. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were aiming for my eyes.”

An ear-to-ear grin explodes over Fish’s furry face. It’s good to know I can get my point across when needed.

Mack juts her head my way. “So are you ready to do it?”

“Hold on, girls!” Georgie traipses on over as both Sherlock and Rudolph fly past us and Huxley scoops up Rudolph before he can get away. “Don’t get to the juicy parts without me.”

“There are no juicy parts,” Mack grouses. “This is Bizzy I’m dealing with.”

Georgie gives my nemesis a slow wink. “You know her well, I see.”

“All right, you two.” I take a moment to glare at Mackenzie. “Get to the fun part. I have a handsome husband, and I want to get to the juicy part of the evening.” I shoot a look to Georgie. “Which I am more than capable of.”

Mack nods. “That’s what I’m here to talk about.” She flicks a finger at Georgie. “Scat. I’ve got something important to discuss, and my time is short.”

Fish swipes up at Mack once again. Nobody tells Georgie Conner to scat.

“Fish is right,” I say, kissing her on her furry head and not caring one iota that neither human I’m with has any idea of what I’m talking about. “Georgie and I don’t have secrets.”

“That’s right.” Georgie postures. “Sure, all of Bizzy’s secrets are boring and guaranteed to put even the incurable insomniac to sleep, but it doesn’t mean I’ll stop pretending to listen to them.”

I avert my eyes. “What is it, Mack?”

“You know what it is,” she snips. “You’re supposed to be helping me set up this proposal.”

Georgie gasps. “You’re proposing to Huxley!”

“Would you shush?” Mackenzie takes a moment to batter an old woman over the arm. “Keep it down, or the only person who will be surprised will be you when you find yourself in traction.”

Georgie nods. “I like you, sister. You’re spunky.”

“She’s a walking felony in the making,” I say. “Keep your claws off Georgie. Might I remind you there are townspeople here outfitted with cameras? A picture of you beating an old woman is precisely the thing your opponent is looking for.”

“Feh.” Georgie waves it off. “I’ve known women like this. That’s how she initiates people into her bad girls club.” She leans. “So tell me, missy. Am I in or am I in?”

Mackenzie sniffs. “You’re in.”

Georgie whoops and hollers.

“But no funny business,” Mack is quick to point out. “Now I need you both to strategize how to best pull this off. Bizzy, what kinds of things does your brother like?”

I make a face. “Mean girls turned mayors with a penchant for terrorizing her constituents. I don’t know. You’re the one that’s looking to marry him. The last thing I remember putting a smile on his face was a mountain of unwashed socks in his room that smelled like vinegar.”

Fish mewls, And now his attraction to Mackenzie Woods makes total sense.

She’s not wrong.

Georgie snaps her fingers. “He likes things that deal with the law. How about you handcuff him to yourself and say meet your new ball and chain?”

“Ixnay,” Mack bleats without so much as shedding a smile.

“Bless you,” Georgie is quick to tell her. “How about a trip in a hot air balloon? Once you hit the stratosphere, you can pop the question, and if he doesn’t say yes, you just tip him over the side. What happens in space stays in space. The world will be none the wiser.”

A breath hitches in my throat. “Oh my God, Georgie, didn’t you once have a mishap like that with a man in a hot air balloon? Please tell me you didn’t push him overboard.”

“A girl never kisses and tells.”

Fish shudders. Or shoves and tells either.

Mackenzie gurgles out a maniacal laugh. “I like you, Georgie Conner. That’s more than I can say for you right now, Bizzy. Here she’s come up with a half a dozen ideas and you’re still stuck on go.”

“She came up with two ideas,” I’m quick to correct. “And one of them was a felony.”

Georgie nods. “I’m sensing a theme here.”

I nod because it should be a felony for Mack to propose to anyone, let alone my brother.

Mack leans in. “How did Huxley’s other wives propose to him? I’d hate to have a repeat on my hands.”

“They didn’t.” I examine her a moment. “He proposed to them.”

She huffs as she looks his way.

Why, I oughta take him home and teach him a lesson. Her mind flits to white noise right after that testy thought. The white noise is more or less a wall of