Junction X by Erastes (best autobiographies to read .TXT) 📕

in fear. “I don’t need this,” I said. My voice sounded husky, as if I had a cold.

“Mum said that I was to give it to you.”

I took his arm and forced his hand open. “Keep it. This is my treat. It was my idea and you are my guest. If you can’t accept that I’m taking you—and my children—out for the day, then you can wait in the car, or I’ll be happy to take you home.”

I think that I said this or something similar, but I have no idea what I actually said. I know I spoke and that he was staring at me, and that as I spoke, his eyes lost their worried look. I know that my hand was over his, in effect giving the money back. But all I can really remember is the heat of his palm and the crisp-sharp feel of the ten-shilling note between us like a secret. I was buying my secret with lies.

“All right,” he said, and he laughed. “If you don’t tell my mother, I won’t.”

“What do you take me for?” I felt ten feet tall as I led the way to the entrance and paid for us all to get in. I let the twins go on the strict understanding that if they lost each other or if I had one word of complaint from anyone, we would be going home with no lunch, no ices and no purchases. They looked suitably subdued as they made their way into the throng, hand in hand.

The fair was relatively tedious. It wasn’t somewhere I would have considered going in the normal course of things; I prefer going to a shop where I can order what I want from someone that I know and have the guarantee of knowing what I’m buying and who to take it back to if something goes wrong. There’s something very earnest about a toy fair and always a surprising lack of children at them. In the main hall there were no children at all, not even my own, but a preponderance of men ranging from Alec’s age to men with white hair, or none at all. Some of the younger men even had girls with them, but they were all looking bored.

Alec gravitated to the first booth we came to and disappeared into the throng of anxious collectors while I meandered from stall to stall, rather glad that I hadn’t continued with the train layout I’d always thought I’d have one day. There were so many things that seemed essential. Track and rolling stock were just the beginning.

I caught up with Alec halfway around the hall. “Found anything?” He had a bag clutched in one hand.

“A few bits and pieces. A set of signals I’ve been after for a while.” He pulled the object from the bag. “And look at this!” Triumphantly he showed me a tiny set of five nameplates, the sort that adorn each brick built station but in perfect cast iron miniature.

I took them and separated them out. “Oh,” I said, as I came to the last one. I looked up at his beaming face.

“It’s our very own junction!”

I liked the way he said ‘our.’ That treacherous warmth threatened to tighten my trousers again. “I could do with a tea,” I said, giving him back the bag.

“Do you want me to go and find John and Mary?”

I nodded gratefully. It was getting very crowded and I’d rather they were somewhere I could keep an eye on them. “I’ll meet you in the tea room.” I was struck, as he wove through the crowd, at his air of maturity. I doubted very much if I’d been that self-possessed at seventeen.

I ordered tea for Alec and me, lemonade for the children and sticky buns for three. I bagged a table for four, which got me dirty looks from various people when they attempted to steal the chairs I was apparently not using, but finally Alec re-appeared, his hair delightfully mussed by the crush and with the twins hanging onto his jacket.

“Well, are you going to insist I buy you half the fair?” I demanded, as the children got comfortable and tucked in.

“Mary found a talking doll,” John said disparagingly. “The woman said it walked but it didn’t.”

“It did!” Mary looked daggers at her brother.

“You had to hold the shoulders and twist them for it to walk. Hardly a walking doll.”

I gave them a look and they continued to bicker but more quietly. “Thanks for finding them,” I said to Alec. He looked better now that his hair was a little more unruly, and the warmth of the hall gave his cheeks a pinkness which made him look younger.

“I found them negotiating with the stall holder.” He laughed. “Mary was getting a good price. She obviously has her father’s head for figures.” His smile was magnetic. I could hardly bear to look away from the corners of his mouth as they curved upwards, but if I didn’t look at this mouth, I could only look at his eyes and they were just as warm and just as dangerous. I bit my cheek to stop my erection building again.

“Do you want this doll?” I asked Mary.

“No,” she said, sullenly. Obviously John had convinced her it wasn’t the bargain she had thought it was.

“What is upstairs, anyway?” I asked.

“There’s one room with dolls and bears,” John said, “and one large room with trains.”

“Don’t you want to go up there?” I asked Alec.

“It’s okay. I stuck my head in when I went to get the twins.” His fingers played with the edge of his jacket, and I noticed his nails, ragged and bitten. “There aren’t stalls like down here. It’s just the big makers showing off layouts and new releases.”

“And they aren’t as nice as yours,” Mary said, surprising me, and beaming up at Alec who smiled back, uncertainly. For all his ease with me, he seemed a little overwhelmed by the children. I didn’t blame him.

“Well, perhaps