The Funny Thing about Norman Foreman by Julietta Henderson (e book reader online txt) 📕

Anyhow, that’s how I knew that no matter how much I missed Jax I had to try and make our plan come true. Because now he’s not ever going to get to do it himself. I didn’t know how I was going to make a double act work with just me, and I didn’t know how I was going to make a proper audience laugh like a couple of Year 8s laughing at Derek and Clive, Jaxy style. And there’s no way I knew how I was going to be brave enough to meet four guys who’ve never seen me before in their life because there’s a chance they might be my dad. But I knew this teeny tiny flucker was going to try.

20

First rule of comedy: Get all your ducks in a row.

Leonard showed up on the dot of eight on the day of our trip, which is exactly when he thought he’d said he’d be there.

‘Here I am, Norman! Eight I said and eight I meant. Time to get this show on the road!’

Me and Mum didn’t tell him, but it was definitely the dot of nine he’d said really. But Mum ran off to get out of her pyjamas before Leonard saw her and she whispered to me that it was always better to be too early than too late and it just meant our adventure would be starting a whole hour earlier. Which was kind of nice of her to say really, because I knew she was actually pretty worried about the trip.

It was kind of a big deal that Leonard was going to drive us all the way to Edinburgh, Mum said, because he’d even got the sack so he could do it. That part made me feel a bit bad, but Leonard said not to worry because he’d just been waiting for the universe to give him a sign that he should leave Pearl’s car yard anyway.

‘And if you aren’t that sign, Norman my boy, well, I don’t know what is!’

I love the way Leonard talks. He doesn’t sound like anyone else I know because his voice sort of makes you feel like you’re listening to music. It goes up and down and round in circles and you’re always waiting for the next word to see where it’s going to land. And even though I hadn’t known him long I’d already decided that he might possibly be the third coolest person in the world. After Jax and Mum.

Leonard’s car is vintage, which means it was made back in the olden days in 1971 and it also means it’s definitely the coolest car in the world. It’s kind of small, though, and by the time we got our bags and a big box of groceries in the boot (just in case, Mum said) there wasn’t much chance of Leonard seeing too much out the back window. He didn’t seem to be too bothered about it, though, when I mentioned it.

‘Well, you could be right, Norman,’ he goes. ‘But why do I need to see what’s back there? We’re going forward and everything we want is in front of us.’ Isn’t that cool?

He didn’t even look behind him when he said back there. He just jerked his head in the direction of behind him and jiggled his eyebrows a bit. Which made me realize that I don’t just like the way he talks, I also really like the way he thinks.

I also realized that it probably wasn’t going to take us too long to get to Barnstaple, which was our first stop, because straight away I noticed that Leonard drives pretty fast. When we got out on the motorway it felt like we were on the dodgems or something because of the car being so small and going so fast. It was excellent. I did see Mum grab on to the edge of her seat, though, every time Leonard swerved in between the other cars to change lanes, and even though I could only see one side of her face, that one side didn’t look very happy. But I decided right then and there that Jax would have totally loved Leonard, and especially his driving.

When I looked up ahead between Mum and Leonard I could see the M5 stretching out for forever, but when I turned around and looked behind all I could see was the top of my case with one arm of Grandad’s jacket sticking out the zipper and the smallest little bit of sky through the back window. And I knew Leonard was right because it was kind of like Penzance wasn’t even there any more and we were starting from zero.

Even though Leonard’s driving didn’t get any slower, Mum relaxed a bit when he turned on the radio and it was Oasis playing. Mum knows the words to every single one of their songs because she’s got all their CDs and she reckons they were one of the best bands ever. She also says Noel Gallagher is really just a misunderstood little boy in a pop star’s body and not the you-know-what-hole everybody thinks he is. Mainly because she reckons that nobody who can write lyrics like he can could be all bad and I think I agree with that.

Listening to Leonard have a go at trying to keep up while Mum and Liam and Noel sang about the wheels of their life slowly falling off was my favourite part of leaving Penzance. It was so funny that I half joined in singing too, and for nearly the whole second half of the song I forgot that soon I was going to have to get up all by myself and try to make people laugh and I forgot that we were on our way to maybe find my dad. I even forgot that Jax was gone. Mum just kept on singing every single word perfectly and me and Leonard tried to sing a few bits