Goddess by Liv Savell (autobiographies to read txt) 📕

Etienne suddenly remembered the explosion on the mountain top, Enyo’s fury after he and Delyth had escaped… He shuddered. “Perhaps we should try and get their attention from a distance if possible.”

Meirin swallowed some of her tea, thinking it over before nodding. “At a distance sounds most agreeable. And uphill from where we have to run, if possible. I can’t imagine trying to climb a hill while being chased by rabid Gods would be all that enjoyable.” Sighing, the warrior turned her dark eyes onto Delyth. “Will you be able to fight Enyo, even as she is wearing your lover’s body? Or should I assume if it comes to blows, I should take on the Goddess and you one of the Gods?”

Delyth looked away, but when she spoke, her voice was calm. “I will fight Enyo.”

Etienne saw again a badly injured Delyth, wing broken and covered in blood, rear back to punch Alphonse hard enough to make the smaller woman crumple, the air around them thick with smoke.

She would do whatever it took. To stop Enyo from killing them all.

“If it comes to that,” he said, turning to try and assure Meirin. “Though the idea is to fight them as little as possible.”

“Of course,” she agreed. “Still, if they want to fight, they will fight whether or not if we want to. They are Gods, after all.”  The woman shrugged as if the idea of fighting a deity wasn’t all that frightening to her. Her dark coppery skin looked very nearly like shadow or smoke in the firelight, and her warpaint eerie and intimidating. She looked like someone who would fight a God and survive. “Good night.”

“Good night,” Etienne echoed, and his gaze followed her to her tent. Somehow, he felt as though they had been incredibly lucky to get Meirin’s help.

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For some time that night, Delyth lay awake in her tent, staring at the place at which the different panels of canvas came to a point above her head. If she opened her wings halfway, the warrior could brush either side of the small enclosure, but still, it felt too-large in the night.

She had told Meirin that she would face Enyo because she could not bear the thought of anyone else taking that responsibility, but she wasn’t completely sure of this decision. Could she truly hurt Enyo if it came to that, knowing it was Alphonse’s body she harmed? What if Enyo forced Alphonse to the surface? Could Delyth do what she had to then?

What if the warrior went too far?

Delyth shut her eyes tight against nightmares of violence and took a deep, shuddering breath. She would not hurt Alphonse. Only Enyo. And only enough to get the healer back.

Still, sleep was slow coming. Finally, Delyth pulled Alphonse’s journal from her pack and read for comfort, for some connection to the other woman.

Sixth Moon, Third Quarter: Thloegr

I find myself possessed with the need to write each and every detail of myself into this journal. Enyo grapples for control within my soul, and she wins more often than not. I try to yank her out, like a weed growing in a garden, but she is pernicious. Just when you think she is sated or dulled,  I’ll hear her whispering in my mind. I’ll feel her claws down my belly. 

At times it is all I can do to hold her off, and even speech becomes too distracting. I know my companions are concerned. I see the looks Etienne gives me and the relief, however brief, in Delyth’s face when I return. Tristan, of course, is disappointed, but I am not Enyo’s plaything. I am not here to cater to her whims and desires, and his lugubrious nature at my reappearance, for once, does not make my heart falter. 

I know her far better than any of her disciples ever could. I feel her impulsive nature warring against my more tempered one. I hear her thoughts and experience her joy in the forest around us. She is neither good nor bad, right nor wrong. She is so purely animalistic instinct it is difficult to consider her a fiend or a hero. She simply is. 

At times I experience how freeing that is. At times I wonder if she is the problem or if I am. 

When these thoughts come to me, I push back because I do not know if they are my own or whispers from Enyo’s lips. I witness her greed and cruelty, and it annoys her.  In return, she reminds me that I am a weak, pathetic human. She’s not wrong. But I will fight her. And I will find a way to be rid of her. 

Each day is a challenge and each night a relief to rest my head. I do not truthfully know how I will make it to the temple, the pace we are setting is so terribly slow. And, then of course, there are other obstacles. Tristan and Delyth love Enyo. They are devoted to her. I am certain they will not allow Etienne and I to bind her. 

Perhaps, if I spoke to Delyth, explained to her just what it is like to have Enyo within me, she might understand? She might be willing to let us bind Enyo.

It’s a risk.

Is my soul, my life worth that gamble? 

I cannot say. Delyth is a dear friend. I enjoy her company more than I ever thought I could, especially given how recently we met.She is kind, gentle, and easy to be around. She never makes me feel silly or weak, and she seems to see the world through a thoughtful lens that makes her all the more likable. 

But would she allow me to cast her Goddess off? Would she want that for her faith? Her people? Enyo is their leader. Enyo created all that they are…

Would I allow someone to destroy that? 

I do not think so. 

So I am stuck between companions who wish to see