Me Life Story by Scarlett Moffatt (pdf e book reader .TXT) 📕

house when all we had was noodles (pretty sure she’s been baking since she was in the womb).

Siân was the straight talker of the group. She was brutally honest and told us to get our finger out of our arse when we were slacking with our studies, and she was also the one to tell us we needed bed and water instead of another 70p bottle of VK. Despite this, if you mentioned the words ‘dance off’ she would be twerking and doing the box splits in a flash.

I was the joker of the group, never refusing a night out and always up for a giggle. Apart from going out on the lash, some of the funniest moments at uni were when I was vegging in front of the TV with the girls. We would all just watch movies, gossip, slag everyone off and eat pizza.

We’d normally watch rom-coms because Zoe would pick the movie. Films I hate (despite being a Disney Classic lover), like Dear John. I hadn’t even watched them and I could predict the ending. I’d be like, ‘This is what’s going to happen.’

And they’d say, ‘Oh don’t spoil it, you’ve already watched it.’

‘No, it’s just so predictable. They’re going to die together or she’s going to love the one that’s poor because they always do, because love conquers all.’

I actually hate rom-coms. I’d rather watch Saw or Scream. I feel like that’s more real life. The shit that happens in Saw would be more likely to happen than Dear John or Letters to Juliet.

But Zoe chose them, so I would have to watch them. And everyone would be crying, and I’d be like, ‘When is this going to be over?’ I’d be crying through the sheer pain of watching it, and they’d be crying because they were so emotional.

Why are all rom-coms about two hours long? You can literally squeeze the whole plot into ten minutes: poor boy meets rich girl, girl then forced to get engaged with rich boy because his family and her family are friends, she realises she has to go with her heart and goes back to the original poor boy because love conquers all. That’s the story done. Let’s condense it and make it into a ten-minute YouTube video, acted by puppets. That would be easier.

And it’s always the same actors and actresses. So then I’ll start to get confused. ‘So he dies?’

‘No,’ they reply. ‘That’s in the other movie.’

Another thing that annoys me is the girl will get dumped and she will accidentally bump into the love of her life a week later – hello, he’s just a rebound! That’s not real life. Why is no one on Tinder? Why are they not stalking their exes on Facebook? Because that’s what happens in real life when you split up with someone – you start stalking the life out of them. They never do that. They never even get upset. They have a little cry on the night and then they’re like, ‘I’ve got to pick myself up and get out there again.’

I’m distressed for a whole month. I’m like, ‘Oh, my life’s not worth living, I’m going to be alone forever.’ On a Sunday at around about eight o’clock at night, I start thinking of every bad choice that I’ve ever made. They never do that in movies. They need to make them more realistic.

The sole consolation was that during these movie binges I’d always be in the reclining chair. I think the others knew that if I didn’t have the reclining chair, then I would be in my bedroom because I hated watching stuff like that. As I’ve said before, you can’t decline a recline. So I’d just be lying right back, contemplating life.

Zoe, Jess and Sarah would be sat on the big couch and Siân would always be on the floor. Because she didn’t live there, she didn’t have her own chair space. She had to just sit on the floor. You have to get bumped up to that position of chair-sitting royalty. It’s like if you visited the Royle Family, you’d have to sit on the floor as well. Where else are you going to sit? All the other chairs are taken. So Siân would sit on the floor all the time. God bless her.

Because I was never in charge of picking the movie I’d just end up downloading the films I wanted to watch on my Dell laptop upstairs after a night out. (Way before Netflix days, I’d have to wait an hour for it to complete and even then the film would buffer throughout.) Honestly, I’d be like an owl. I’d stay up till like four in the morning just watching horrors. I’d have a couple of hours’ sleep and then go to my lecture.

I loved lectures at university, it’s the complete opposite to school. At school you have to take what you’re being taught as the gospel truth, but at uni it’s all about questioning what you’ve been taught. I am not an argumentative person but I love a good debate. Especially when it was a 9a.m. lecture and I was still a bit tipsy (which was quite often).

I know the reason I’m quite a recluse now and why I don’t feel the need to go out all the time is because I was a social butterfly in York. For four whole years I partied non-stop so I’ve got all that out my system. I went to types of parties that I didn’t even know existed: foam parties, school disco, UV parties, house parties, Toy Story parties, pyjama parties, everybody dress as something beginning with an F party, honestly any kind of party you can think of I’ve probably ticked it off my list.

‘Where’s Wally?’ parties were the best. You’d always lose a friend because everyone was dressed the same. You’d be like, ‘Have you seen my friend? She has blonde hair and is wearing a sort of slutty Wally outfit – low-cut stripy