Dillon: A Wings of Diablo MC Novel by Lake, B. (rosie project txt) 📕

panic attacks. No matter how much shit I have been through these were always the fucking worst. Feeling like you have no control and you were going to die before you take your next breath. I try to release my hands from their clenched up state, but the second I do they clench back up as if my entire body is one clenched up muscle.

"Fucking hell, not now." I say to myself. I didn't have time to look weak right now. I was in a fight and definitely losing. I was losing my entire fucking world right now. The realization dawns on me that this could be the end. I have to put my head all the way back to try and get some air into my lungs. I can hear myself hyperventilating now.

"Dillon? Dillon what is it?' I hear Keeley get up from the chair that she is in and take a few steps toward me. My Princess, always caring about someone else. Fuck how did I mess this up so completely?

"Fuck!" I roar out and try to do some of the shit I have used over the years to get myself under control.

"Dillon, turn around and talk to me."

"What the fuck else is there to talk about. You've already made your goddamn decision!" I scream at her and swipe at the table that I'm standing next to. Keys and knick-knacks go flying across the room and I push my hands into my hair. "You can't fucking do this."

"Dillon, calm down."

"Calm down! How the fuck can I calm down? Tell me! How?" I'm screaming louder now, with every word she cringes back. "I know all the fucking consequences! I know what the fuck I allowed to happen. When are you going to let that shit go? It's in the past. It happened. It's over! I can't fucking lose you. I can't!" I try to take in a breath, but it feels like it just gets stuck right at the top of my throat. "Fuck!" I roar out and throw my hand into the wall. The pain zips up my arm, but it's not enough. I pull my hand back and hit the wall again. Again.

"Dillon no! Stop!" She yells at me, but I don't want to stop. The pain is better than this. Anything is better than realizing that she doesn't want me anymore.

"Dillon!" She screams for me again. Finally, she manages to sneak under my arm and wrap herself around my midsection pulling me away from the wall so I can't hit it anymore. I heave in another breath, but I still can't get enough oxygen. As much as I want her arms around me, I can't breathe, and I push her off.

"I can't fucking breathe. Shit."

"Sit. Come sit with me. You know how to do this. Please." She tries to lower herself down to the floor and I follow behind her like a little puppy.

She kneels next to me and wipes at my forehead and neck. "Just breathe Dillon. You're ok. Everything is ok. I'm here."

She soothes me and I look up into her gorgeous gold eyes to see if she means it. I can see how tired she is, she has bags under her eyes that weren't there before. I did this to her. When I met her, I knew she was an angel, but I just couldn't leave her alone. I made her mine and broke her. Now I can' t be without her. I don't fucking know how to live without Keeley.

"Keeley, what do you want me to do? You want me to give up the patch? Find a job behind a desk? I'll flip burgers. I'll do whatever you want me to do. I love you so much. Please." I lean my head down to hang between my legs. "Please, tell me how to fix this. You and Lily are my life. I'm fucking dying." I tell her the truth, that is exactly what it feels like. If I walk out of this house knowing that she is really gone for good, I'll die.

When I look back up to her, she has her hand to her mouth, and she is crying. "Please." I beg and my voice cracks and tears fall from my eyes.

"Oh Dillon, no." She throws her arms around my neck. "Please don't cry. I don't know how. " She kisses my face and my eyes, wipes my cheeks, touching me everywhere that she can. I can feel the love coming off of her. I don't know why we can't move on. She loves me.

I move my arms up and grab hold of her face. She whimpers. She knows what's coming. I press my mouth to hers.

I've found my heaven.

My body completely forgets its fight to get a good breath. I don't need to breathe, not when I have Keeley.

She is hesitant at first, but she gives in. I feel high with every press of her lips against mine. When she opens her mouth and lets my tongue delve inside, I grip her harder. She pushes her hands into my hair and tugs hard.

My body feels as if it’s wrapped in a cocoon of fucking pleasure, every touch every movement makes me want more.

She sucks on my lips and bites down slightly. A deep rumble rolls through my chest. I need her. I didn't come here for this, but now I know I can't leave without having her, even if it's going to be the last time. I double my efforts and pull her face to the side so I can get to her neck. I bite and lick at her as she moans in pleasure.

"Oh God … Dillon."

My mind is racing a million miles a minute. She rocks closer to me, but being on our knees there is still so much space between us. I reach for the thick sweater that she has on to pull it off. I need more of her and now.

She stills