Restart Again: Volume 2 by Adam Scott (hardest books to read txt) 📕

she reminded me. “We won’t have to be so secretive with our accommodations.”

“That’s true,” I agreed. We laid together quietly for a while, still fully awake. I broke the silence with a whisper. “Are you sure you want to do this, Lia? You can still choose to stay here, with your parents.”

“Anywhere you’re going, I’m going,” she said confidently, holding my hand tightly against her body. “As long as you’ll have me. Even if you won’t.”

“I’m glad,” I replied. “I’d support you no matter what decision you made, but...I’m not sure what I’d do without you. I’ll have you for as long as you’ll follow.”

“It’s settled, then. Forever.”

“Forever,” I echoed. The word struck a bittersweet chord in my chest, and a handful of memories floated up to the edge of my mind in response. “We should get some sleep. Tomorrow’s a busy day,” I said, as much for my own benefit as for hers.

She nodded. “Goodnight, Lux.”

“Goodnight, Lia.”

---

“Something’s wrong,” I spoke aloud to the empty room. Immediately, I recognized the surrounding space as the bedroom I had shared with Amaya, but the details seemed to shift and blur whenever I focused on a single object. I waved a hand in front of my face and felt the quilt of the bed I was sitting on, confused by the presence of mind I was experiencing. “What is this?”

“It’s a dream, Elden,” Amaya’s voice laughed from the doorway. “A real dream, like normal people have. Not the endless memories you replay in your head.” She entered the room and sat down in a large cushioned chair across from me. While the rest of the room was obscured by a light fuzz, she was a beacon of clarity.

I felt a lump form in my throat as I stared at her, and my stomach filled with an ache I had long since learned to suppress. “How are you?” I croaked. “Are you safe? Are you...no.” Amaya tilted her head to one side and watched me with a pitying expression. “This is a dream. You don’t know any of that.”

“I am the Amaya you remember,” she said softly, “and you remember her very well. But you’re right. I don’t know anything more than you do.” She pulled her legs up into the chair and hung them over one arm, lounging comfortably against the high padded back. “How are you?”

The gesture lit a spark of irritation within me. “Don’t do that. Don’t act like she acted. Don’t sit like she used to sit. You aren’t her.” I bristled as I looked away. “You’re just me.”

“Oh.” The sadness was clear in her voice, and it cut through my heart faster than any sword could. “I suppose I should leave, then.”

My chest tightened in fear. “No, wait. Please stay.” It was a pathetic display after the tough facade I had put on, but I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was making her stay. “I’m, uh, I’m...not sure how I am. It’s hard to explain.”

“Don’t be silly, Elden,” she giggled. “It’s simple. You’re happy, and that makes you scared.”

I looked at her incredulously. “What are you talking about? How is that simple?”

“Lia makes you happy. That makes you feel guilty, because you’ve convinced yourself you can’t reciprocate her feelings.” Her tone was oddly jovial for how serious the conversation had become. “You’re terrified that if you admit you love someone else, the life you had with me won’t be as special.”

“That’s not true!” I yelled, jumping to my feet. “Nothing could change that!” My face was hot as I fought to hold myself together; the logical part of my brain knew she was right, which only frustrated me further. “Nobody could ever be like you!”

“Why not?”

“Because you were perfect!”

She clicked her tongue at me. “Elden, you know that’s not true.”

“Yes it is! You were everything I ever wanted, plus all the things I never knew I needed. My memories of you are the only things that keep me going.” I choked back a sob. “I still love you just as much as the day I was sent away. I’ll love you, no matter how many times I die.” My head fell, sending tears streaming to the floor.

Amaya stood from her chair and walked towards me. Soft hands slid down and cradled my face, pulling it upwards to meet her gaze. “I love you,” she whispered. Hearing her voice say the simple phrase finally broke me, and I sobbed into her chest. “If I can’t be with you, the thing that I want most is for you to be happy.”

I shook my head against her. “No...no…” I cried, anticipating what she was about to say.

“Lia makes you happy, Elden. I don’t want you to make yourself miserable on my account.” Her smile was as pure and radiant as sunlight. “I want you to live. I want you to love. Nothing could make me happier than that.”

“I can’t. I’m not...strong enough,” I sniffled pitifully.

“Listen to me, Elden,” she said, her voice taking a serious tone for the first time in our conversation. “Do you remember what we promised each other on the last day we spent together?”

“Of course!” I gasped, offended at the suggestion that I could ever have forgotten. “I promised that I would come home to you, no matter what.”

She nodded. “And I promised that I would wait for you.” Her hand ran through my hair and set a piece of my heart at ease. “I’m still waiting, every single day. But until you come home to me, I need you to be strong. Can you do that?”

“I’m...not sure.”

“Can you try? For me?”

I took a deep breath. “For you.”

“Thank you, Elden.” She knelt down before me, her face only inches from mine. “It’s time to put on your brave face, love. It’s time to wake up.”

“No,” I pleaded. “Just stay with me for a few more minutes. Please.”

“Wake up, Elden.”

---

I gasped as my eyes snapped open. The room around me was pitch black and my mind